From Salon, before the bombers were identified, captured and/or killed: Shame on everyone who assumed that the bombers were Muslims from a foreign land! Wait — what? They were Muslims from a foreign land? OK, never mind. Calling out “far-right extremists” for “demonizing bogeymen” is either hilariously ironic or depressingly symptomatic of American decline. Since Salon is not known for its satire, I have to go with the latter. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
See You in Hell
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Pastor Rick Warren’s son, Matthew, commits suicide, church says — NBCNews.com I hope this won’t affect sales of The Purpose Driven Life. The church is calling for prayers. They prayed for the kid — well, young man (he was 27) — when he was alive, he kills himself and now they’re calling for more prayers?! Wasn’t it Einstein who said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results? This is great PR for me, of course. My cell is blowing up . . . so many people trying to get in touch with me this weekend. Dear Satan — Please look after my children. I don’t want them to end up like Rick Warren’s kid. There are many troubled people on Earth looking for answers. And there are some people claiming… Read more →
Socrates’ Apology
When my sons are grown up, I would ask you, O my friends, to punish them; and I would have you trouble them, as I have troubled you, if they seem to care about riches, or anything, more than about virtue; or if they pretend to be something when they are really nothing . . . And if you do this, I and my sons will have received justice at your hands. The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways — I to die, and you to live. Which is better God only knows. — Apology Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Diversity Flacks
A new study from the American Council on Education shows that the percentages of black, Asian and Hispanic provosts have declined over the past five years. The Chronicle of Higher Education reports this story under the headline “Falling Diversity of Provosts Signals Challenge for Presidential Pipeline, Study Finds.” FALLING DIVERSITY! LOOK OUT BELOW! Ha ha . . . but seriously, who even knows what a provost is? I don’t. I’ve vaguely heard of it as an academic job title but that’s about it. I know that Jon Provost played little Timmy on the Lassie TV series. I know that Marie Prevost was a one-time Mack Sennett bathing beauty and leading lady in the 1920s whose screen glory had faded by the time she died of acute alcoholism in a small Hollywood apartment at the age of 38. By the way, I notice that Asian students are continuing to excel, even… Read more →
Jerry Buss, 1933-2013
I’m sad. As a lifelong Laker fan, I kind of feel like I knew the guy. He bought the Lakers in 1979, which means he was younger than I am today, and now he’s dead at the age of 80. I feel old. Dr. Buss was a USC alum. Fight on. R.I.P. Jerry Buss Read more →
Life is Losing
We are all receding — waving or beckoning or just kissing our fingertips, we are all fading, shrinking, paling. Life is all losing, we are all losing, losing mother, father, youth, hair, looks, teeth, friends, lovers, shape, reason, life. We are losing, losing, losing. Take life away. It’s too hard, too difficult. We aren’t any good at it. Try us out on something else. But shelve life. Take life off the stands. It’s too fucking difficult and we aren’t any good at it. — Martin Amis, Money That reminds me — it’s probably about time to schedule an eye exam because I can’t goddamn see any more . . . Read more →
Kobe Bryant, 1978-2013
One never knows when the blow may fall, Mamba Mentality notwithstanding. He wakes up this morning and a few hours later he dies at the age of 41. It sounds like they may have been flying through fog and hit a hillside rather than hitting the ground. Is there enough time to grab your daughter’s hand and say “I love you” or is it all over too fast? Which would be better or worse? RIP Kobe Bryant, Gianna and all the other passengers Read more →
What Happens in Vegas
An alleged fight between two female blackjack dealers at the Bellagio hotel-casino in Las Vegas sent one of the women to the hospital and the other to jail. It was the second violent incident inside a Las Vegas Strip casino in recent days. Last week, an Illinois man shot and killed his ex-girlfriend and then himself in the lobby of the Excalibur resort. The woman was an employee of the resort. — Report: Female Las Vegas blackjack dealer stabs another – NBCNews.com Hasn’t NBC News heard of the “What happens in Vegas . . .” code? Read more →
Grown-Up Kids
It used to puzzle me how parents could stand to live at a distance from their adult children. Now I think it’s because it’s a bit embarrassing to have your kids see how absurdly vacant your life has become now that your parenting days are over. A lot of species, once they get too old to have and raise offspring, they just die. They don’t hang around forever and make everyone uncomfortable. Maybe a little distance isn’t such a bad thing. Read more →
It’s Not Just the Guns
Within a week or so, we’ve had Jovan Belcher, the mall shooting in Oregon and 26 people killed at a school in Connecticut. I’m hearing that maybe we should do something about guns. But we’ve always had guns. Since the country was founded July 4, 1776, Americans have had guns, and for most of that time, we’ve managed to live with each other without a mass murder a week. It can’t be just the guns. One of the most appalling things to me about modern American society is the way increasingly graphic violence is peddled as entertainment. Turn on the TV: mass murder is entertainment. Grotesque, violent death is “great television.” Serial killers in movies are the heroes. They can’t be killed off because they’ve got to come back and kill more people in the next sequel. I know John Wayne used to kill people in movies, but when the… Read more →
A People That No Longer Trusts Its Rulers is Lost Indeed
zu-Kung asked about government. The Master said, sufficient food, sufficient weapons, and the confidence of the common people. Tzu-Kung said, Suppose you had no choice but to dispense with one of these three, which would you forgo? The Master said, Weapons. Tzu-Kung said, Suppose you were forced to dispense with one of the two that were left, which would you forgo? The Master said, Food. For from of old death has been the lot of all men; but a people that no longer trusts its rulers is lost indeed. — The Analects of Confucius Read more →
Broad-Shouldered and Stout of Heart
Master Tsêng said, The true Knight of the Way must perforce be both broad-shouldered and stout of heart; his burden is heavy and he has far to go. For Goodness is the burden he has taken upon himself; and must we not grant that it is a heavy one to bear? Only with death does his journey end; then must we not grant that he has far to go? — The Analects of Confucius Read more →
Stick Throwing Leads to Tragedy
EUREKA, Calif. (AP) — A couple died and their 16-year-old son went missing after being swept into sea in Northern California while trying to save their dog, authorities said Sunday. The family was at Big Lagoon, a beach north of Eureka, Saturday afternoon when the dog chased after a thrown stick and got pulled into the ocean by eight to ten foot waves, said Dana Jones, a state Parks and Recreation district superintendent. — Couple swept to sea in effort to save son, dog – Yahoo! News Hi, everybody! It’s me, Lightning! Folks: Don’t throw sticks into 10-foot waves. I’m not a stick-chasing kind of dog myself, but some dogs, like retrievers, are just born to fetch things. They can’t help it. So it’s up to you, the owner, not to throw something where it’s not safe for the dog to be. Another thing: the dog in this case actually… Read more →
Jerry Kill, (Minnesota) Gopher
We’re watching SportsCenter when a picture of Jerry Kill, coach of the Minnesota Golden Gophers football team, comes on the screen, accompanied by the unfortunate news that Kill suffered a seizure following the team’s 21-13 loss to Northwestern. “He’s still alive?” my son asks. “He didn’t die?” “He had a seizure,” I say. “So he’s still alive, right?” “Yeah.” “In that case, I’m going to go ahead and say that he looks like a gopher.” Read more →
At Least He Went Out a Winner
Edward Archbold was, according to those who met him on Friday night, the life of the party – a bit of a showoff who was up for anything, even a giant cockroach-eating contest. He won. And then, tragically, he died. — Florida man dies after winning cockroach-eating contest – U.S. News Not every death is a tragedy. (We pause here for a moment to give Darwin a chance to spike the football.) Whenever I hear someone described as “a bit of a showoff who’s up for anything,” I find myself wondering how soon they can die in some bizarre attempt to attract attention. Given what we know about the deceased, how surprised are you — on a scale of zero to 10 — that a shirtless mug shot was available for use in his obituary? Read more →
Provoke Not Your Children to Wrath
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord . . . Read more →
Intimations of Mortality
Medical office visits are intimations of mortality . . . I had an appointment this morning to have blood drawn. Of the patients who went ahead of me, none of them left the office without elaborately thanking the receptionist. “Thank you,” they all said with immense politeness. Everyone is superstitious in the face of death. I’m a good person. I’m going to show what a good person I am by graciously thanking a humble receptionist and maybe they won’t find anything bad in my blood test and maybe I won’t die . . . Read more →
R.I.P. Jerry Nelson aka Count von Count, Sherlock Hemlock, the Amazing Mumford …
In Memoriam: Jerry Nelson – The Sesame Workshop Blog Read more →
Neil Armstrong, 1930-2012
Neil Armstrong photographed by Buzz Aldrin after the completion of the Lunar EVA on the Apollo 11 flight (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Astronaut Neil Armstrong, first man to walk on moon, dies at age 82 – Cosmic Log I’m sorry to hear this. For people my age, NASA and the space program were such an important part of our childhood. We’d wake up any hour of the day or night to watch launches and splashdowns. Astronauts were as famous as pro athletes and rock stars . . .actually, they were more famous than athletes. Being a pro athlete in the 1960s wasn’t what it is today. It would be nice if I could let this go without mentioning that Armstrong was a graduate of the University of Southern California, but I can’t. R.I.P. Neil Armstrong Read more →
You’ll Never Take Me Alive
Ex-con who reportedly vowed not to be taken alive shot to death — LA Daily News To live outside the law you must be honest, as Bob Dylan has rightly pointed out. He may have been a violent, drug-addled thief, but he was a man of his word, and that’s important. Read more →