I’m going to savagely murder the next person I hear use the word “spend” as a noun, as in “leveraging our spend.” Spend is a verb. Spending is a noun, e.g., “leveraging our spending.” I would still have to maim you for saying “leveraging” though, so try “getting the most for our money.” You can also avoid death by saying “How much does it cost?” instead of “What is our spend?” You have been warned. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
Gore Vidal, Lifelong Bachelor
The Economic Times here in Bangalore has a great obituary of Gore Vidal. It includes an anecdote in which Vidal skewers Saul Bellow and his multiple wives, followed by the sentence Never married himself, Gore . . . Probably, like Liberace, just never found the right girl. Read more →
Sadly, Nation Knows Exactly How Colorado Shooting’s Aftermath Will Play Out
“The calls not to politicize the tragedy should be starting in an hour, but by 1:30 p.m. tomorrow the issue will have been politicized. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if the shooter’s high school classmate is interviewed within 45 minutes.” “It’s like clockwork,” said Gerson, who sighed, shook his head, and walked away. — The Onion Read more →
Stephen Covey, 1932-2012
Stephen Covey, the author of the best-selling book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” died early Monday morning at 79 years old, according to The Associated Press. — TODAY.com Here are the seven habits: Be Proactive Begin with the End in Mind Put First Things First Think Win/Win Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood Synergize Sharpen the Saw One way to assess the value of advice is to ask, “Would anyone advise the opposite?” If the answer is no, then all you have are platitudes and truisms. Let’s try it: Let Life Wash Over You Like a Big Wave Go Off Half-Cocked Proceed in a Frivolous, Undirected Manner … You get the idea. By selling more than 25 million copies of this book, and becoming known as one of the leading business thinkers of his time, Covey revealed the vacuousness of the modern mind, although I don’t… Read more →
Let’s Get Drunk and See How Fast We Can Drive My Expensive Car
According to the California Highway Patrol, [Kurt Duncan] Naegele, [Ryan Robert] Doheny, Doheny’s brother-in-law Darren William Dahlman, 38, of Pasadena, and Christopher H. Pennell of Los Angeles, had been drinking as guests invited to a birthday party on the San Simeon ranch on Sept. 18, 2009. They drove to the airstrip to find out how fast Naegele’s Range Rover could go, something a CHP investigator claims Doheny later told him was a bad idea because it was pitch black out and Naegele was driving very fast and erratically. Around 11 p.m., the Range Rover rolled several times before falling down a steep embankment 300 feet off the runway on the north side of the airstrip. The crash killed Dahlman, seriously injured Naegele (who had to be extricated from behind the steering wheel) and also injured Pennell and Doheny. Naegele and Doheny estimated to officers that they had been traveling 35… Read more →
Don’t Bring a Gun That Shoots Plastic Pellets to a Gunfight
Man shot to death by police even though family told 911 his gun was fake — U.S. News Read more →
Nora Ephron, 1941-2012
Annie Hall is a Rembrandt. When Harry Met Sally… is a Thomas Kincade. Rob Reiner is horrible. R.I.P. Nora Ephron Read more →
Don Grady, 1944-2012
R.I.P. Don Grady, aka Robbie Douglas Related Links Mouseketeer, My Three Sons Star Don Grady Dies Read more →
Satan on Rodney King
Rodney King’s fiancee was not invited to his funeral?! This is too much! I’m still dealing with the shock of learning that he had a swimming pool. I saw Al Campanis this morning and he said to me, “I hate to say I told you so . . .” Read more →
Aside
Fun at border crossings: Have one person in the car hold their breath and pretend to be dead. See if the attendant asks any questions.
— Paul Epps (@paulepps) June 18, 2012
Junior Seau, 1969-2012
Junior Seau Dead in Apparent Suicide — ABC News Seau was a legend in San Diego, where he lived and played most of his career. He was also a legendary member of the USC Trojan Family. The number 55 is now synonymous at USC with great Trojan linebackers, but Seau was the player who made the number famous. It has since been worn by Willie McGinest, Chris Claiborne and Keith Rivers and is only assigned at the head coach’s discretion. This picture was taken just a couple of weeks ago at the USC Spring Football game. He doesn’t look like someone ready to end his own life, but you never really know what someone’s life looks like from the inside. R.I.P. Junior Seau #55 Read more →
I’ve Got a Little List
From the LinkedIn profile of a linguistically challenged IT manager: High-Level Strategic Planner and Executioner Read more →
Speaking Ill of the Recently Deceased
This notice went out today from David Carson, the moderator of the Who’s Alive and Who’s Dead mailing list, which among other things, sends out an email to subscribers when a famous person (like Andrew Breitbart) dies: Something I unfortunately have to remind everyone of once in a while is, if you have something uncomplimentary or unpleasant to say about the recently deceased, you don’t need to say it to me. (This is only an issue when someone conservative dies, by the way. I’ve never gotten any nasty-grams when a liberal, moderate, or any other kind of person has died. But a conservative? Every single time, including today. Make of that what you will.) Read more →
Keeping Up With the Kennedys
Why doesn’t this guy have a reality show: The son of Robert F. Kennedy has been charged with harassment and endangering the welfare of a child for allegedly clashing with two nurses who tried to stop him from taking his 2-day-old baby boy from a Westchester maternity unit, NBC New York has learned. According to a Mount Kisco, N.Y. police report obtained by NBC New York, Douglas Kennedy, 44, took his baby from the newborn unit of Northern Westchester Hospital on Jan. 7, against the instructions of hospital staff who told him the infant needed to stay there. He faces misdemeanor charges. . . . While holding the child in his right arm, Kennedy kicked [a nurse] in the pelvis with his right foot, knocking her backward onto the floor, police said. As he did this, Kennedy fell onto the floor with the baby in his arms. Kennedy then got… Read more →
See You in Hell
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Next year I’m going to live tweet the Oscar In Memoriam segment so I can tell you which celebrities are in Hell. See you at the movies! Read more →
David Foster Wallace’s Last House
Via Curbed LA on the occasion of what would have been DFW’s 50th birthday today. What a depressing abode! I’m ready to drive out there right now and hang myself . . . Read more →
Gary Carter, 1954-2012
Gary Carter obituary: Baseball Hall of Fame catcher dies at 57 — latimes.com Gary Carter and I went to the same high school — Sunny Hills High School in Fullerton, CA. My freshman yearbook has a picture of a Carter as a senior. Or another way to look at it is that Gary Carter’s senior yearbook has a picture of me as a freshman. That’s all I have on this. RIP Gary Carter. Read more →
Aside
I accidentally jabbed the dog’s allergy injection into my kneecap. Miracle elixir or fatal mistake?
Stay tuned . . .
Famous Last Words
The idea of last words is funny to me, because the whole notion of “last words” suggests they matter. Which they don’t, of course, but this hope we carry that there will be some wisdom or some insight at the last moment, other than “Oh, fuck it, fuck this fucking shit” is so sadly human, I just love it. — Shalom Auslander Read more →