Norman Lear – television producer Updates Norman Lear, died 12/5/2023, age 101 Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
Celebrity Breakups
Jessica Lange and Sam Shepard Have Separated — msn.com, Dec. 19, 2011 The story was posted this week but it turns out they actually separated two years ago. Normally, with celebrity breakups, the couple sends out a press release asking for privacy “in this difficult time.” That always seemed to me like one of the stupidest ideas in a world full of stupid ideas: sending out a press release requesting privacy. It turns out if you just keep your mouth shut about it, you can split up and no one will know or care. You can have all the privacy you want . . . P.S. Why do people split up in their late 60s after 30 years together? DO THEY WANT TO DIE ALONE?! Read more →
NTSB Recommends Ban on Driver Cell Phone Use
States should ban all driver use of cell phones and other portable electronic devices, except in emergencies, the National Transportation Board said Tuesday. The recommendation, unanimously agreed to by the five-member board, applies to both hands-free and hand-held phones and significantly exceeds any existing state laws restricting texting and cellphone use behind the wheel. — latimes.com DISLIKE! Busy, productive people need to talk and text while driving in order to jumpstart this economy! Yes, some of them will die, but it’s a net win because the benefits outweigh the costs. Read more →
Harry Morgan, 1915-2011
Harry Morgan dies at 96; star of TV’s ‘MASH’ — latimes.com I would have bet you a dollar to a dog biscuit this guy was already dead . . . R.I.P. Harry Morgan Read more →
Aside
This Diet Pepsi tastes like paint thinner. If this is my last update ever, I love you guyzzz . . .
Separating the Sheep From the Goats
Three pit bulls that slaughtered 42 goats captured — latimes.com Oh dear, this is going to fuel more paranoia and irrational fear of pit bulls. I call on other dog breeds to slaughter more goats! Read more →
Aside
Notes From a Dragon Mom: The truth about our children, about ourselves: none of it is forever.
Dennis Ritchie, 1941-2011
Dennis Ritchie was the inventor of the C programming language and a major contributor to the UNIX operating system. He died last week at the age of 70. His brilliantly clear tutorial on C, written with Brian Kernighan, was affectionately known as “K & R” by those of us for whom it was an integral part of learning to be programmers. R.I.P. Dennis Ritchie. Read more →
Mother, Toddler, Oncoming Train
Mother dies pushing her two-year-old daughter away from an oncoming train. She lost my Mother of the Year vote when I found out she put the girl in front of the train in the first place. Read more →
Aside
Why are dead people always described as “looking down and smiling”? Surely some of them must be looking up and screaming.
Satan Takes a Message for Ted Kennedy
Kara Kennedy, the oldest child of the late Sen. Edward Kennedy, died suddenly Friday evening at a Washington-area health club, NBC News reported. Former Rep. Patrick Kennedy confirmed the death of his 51-year-old sister, adding “she’s with dad.” — msnbc.com She’s not here, Patrick, but I’ll pass the news along to Teddy. Heard any good Chappaquidick jokes lately? Read more →
What Would People Say?
‘Spartacus’ star Andy Whitfield dies of lymphoma at 39 Whitfield’s wife, Vashti, in a statement called her husband a “beautiful young warrior” who died on a “sunny Sydney morning” in the “arms of his loving wife.” — msn.com Never heard of him. Also, his wife’s remarks are a tad self-serving, but they did get me to thinking what people would say in the event of my own untimely demise. Best case: “He was a pain in the ass but at least he was interesting.” More likely: “He was a pain in the ass. Once in a great while, he said something interesting. You had to wait for it.” Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People Who “Rescued” Their Dog How did you rescue it? Run into a burning warehouse? Punch a bear in the face? No — you got the dog at the pound because you’re too cheap to buy one. Read more →
Whitewater Adventures are for Pussies, or: A Rube in a Tube
A man from West Plains, Mo., has been found dead floating in the Meramec River after he disappeared from a tubing trip. Gregory L. Spurling, 55, was pronounced dead at about 12:50 a.m. Monday in Crawford County. — stltoday.com Kudos to Gregory L. Spurling, formerly of West Plains, Mo. — a real American! Frankly, I’m sick of these soft yuppie bastards who pay big money for “whitewater adventures” and pass themselves off as thrillseekers. Those trips are no more dangerous than a raft ride at Disney World. Riding down a river in an inner tube — now that’s excitement! You might die! Especially if your judgment’s been impaired by the consumption of alcohol. Don’t forget the sunscreen! Read more →
Pregnant Woman Mauled to Death by Pug
Ha ha, just kidding . . . it was a pit bull — again. Reports: Pet pit bull mauls pregnant Calif. woman to death — msnbc.com Her dad said, “She lived her own life, no matter what anyone else said.” Probably everyone said that pit bulls are dangerous so she decided to get one. How’s that working out for you? If you own a pit bull, you also need to have a pug to keep the pit bull in line. — Lightning Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
John Astin – actor Bill Dana – actor Fats Domino – rock and roll pioneer Don Larsen – baseball player, NY Yankees Bill Macy – actor Roger Mudd – TV journalist Della Reese – singer, actress Dale Robertson – actor Mickey Rooney – actor Jerry Van Dyke – actor Bill Virdon – baseball manager Earl Weaver – baseball manager, Baltimore Orioles Updates Bill Dana – died 6/15/2017, age 92 Fats Domino – died 10/25/2017, age 89 Don_Larsen – died 1/1/2020, age 90 Bill Macy – died 10/17/2019, age 97 Roger Mudd – died 3/9/2021, age 93 Della Reese – died 11/19/2017, age 86 Dale Robertson – died 2/26/2013, age 89 Mickey Rooney – died 4/6/2014, age 93 Jerry Van Dyke – died 1/5/2018, age 86 Earl Weaver – died 1/18/2013, age 82 Read more →
He thought: I didn’t say the right words. Why do I never find the right words? The man needed help and I recited a formula. God forgive me. Will someone only give me a formula too when I come to die? — Graham Greene, Monsignor Quixote
Aside
Daily Affirmation: If you’re reading this, then nothing you’ve encountered so far has killed you.
Amy Winehouse, 1983-2011
Amy Winehouse found dead aged 27 in London home — The Observer I know what they say about death and taxes but I don’t want to be “found dead.” It sounds dismal. For musicians, 27 seems to be a good age to die. Read more →
Dick Williams, 1929 – 2011
Hall of Fame manager Dick Williams, who won two World Series titles with Oakland and led two other franchises to pennants, has died. He was 82. — Associated Press Williams also managed our local club, the Angels, although he was better known for his work with other teams. I remember he once said to an umpire, “They’re not just booing that call. They’re booing your whole career.” RIP Dick Williams Read more →