My first memory was of stories about the past — a past that, according to the storytellers, was superior in every way to the life then being lived. It didn’t take me long, however, to understand that the present was all we had, for the past was gone and nothing could be done about it. — Horton Foote Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
Here’s What I’ve Done
And when I die And when I’m dead, dead and gone, There’ll be one child born And a world to carry on, to carry on. — Laura Nyro, “And When I Die” It may seem like a small thing, but it’s the best thing I could do. I’ve raised — we’ve raised — and continue to raise, a boy who, at the age of 15, has exceeded me as a person in every way I can think of. He’s even taller than I am. So when I’m gone, he’ll take over my spot, and the world will be a better place . . . Read more →
It’s Not Safe to Live Here Anymore
IRVINE A man is dead — and his wife and son injured — after his daughter’s ex-boyfriend allegedly took the family hostage for five hours beginning late Friday, police said. — OCRegister.com That’s the second murder in town in the last two weeks! PACK YOUR BAGS HONEY! WE’RE MOVING TO SANTA ANA! Read more →
Ryan Davidson, 1993-2009
Ryan was one of the greatest competitors I’ve ever known and I’m so thankful for his inspiration. — Pete Carroll Ryan Davidson, a member of the USC family, passed away today on his 16th birthday. Very sad news . . . Read more →
I Got a Passport
I got my first passport yesterday. I can go anywhere! The world is my oyster! Although I really don’t like to travel . . . Some people get annoyed with me when I say that, including members of my own family. It doesn’t make sense to them. My mom, for example, has been to like 30 countries. Maybe 50, I can’t keep track. For me, I start out thinking I’d be happier somewhere else but after I’ve spent all the time and money to get there, I realize I’m still the same person with the same problems I had at home. Not to mention the possibility of being drugged, robbed and killed, or hit by a tsunami. I’m not saying there’s nothing positive about travel. It’s just not worth the investment . . . Read more →
Don’t Tase Me, Bro
Physicist who invented the Taser gun dies — OCRegister.com Come to find out, the guy who invented the Taser lived right here in Orange County, in Mission Viejo! I’m shocked! Read more →
To Live and Die in Irvine
IRVINE – A group of solemn people sat around tables at a fast-food Chinese restaurant off Jeffrey Road on Wednesday night after a man was shot and killed while sitting in a white Lexus parked behind the eatery. — OCRegister.com At least he died in a nice car. It’s Irvine, Jake! This happened a stone’s throw from my house. Well, more than a stone’s throw but let’s say a hard 5-iron with a good bounce off Trabuco Road. I’ve been to that Chinese restaurant many times. (It’s a dine-in restaurant, not a fast-food place, despite what the Register says.) Don’t worry about me though. Irvine is still the safest city in the country. That guy must have gotten himself mixed up in some kind of trouble . . . Read more →
Another Reason I Like to Just Stay Home
I Don’t Want to Die
When Zen masters die we like to think they will say something very inspiring as they are about to bite the Big Emptiness, something like “Hi-ho Silver!” or “Remember to wake up” or “Life is everlasting.” Right before Suzuki Roshi’s death, Katagiri Roshi, an old friend, visited him. Katagiri stood by the bedside; Suzuki looked up and said, “I don’t want to die.” — Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones Read more →
It’s Not News Yet
TORONTO (AP) — Howie Mandel has been hospitalized in Canada with an irregular heartbeat, his publicist said. — MSN TV News OH GOD NO! WHAT WILL BECOME OF “HOWIE DO IT!” THE NEW HIDDEN-CAMERA PRANK SHOW?! Who CARES about this? Just let me know when he’s dead . . . Read more →
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
My son sees a book I’m reading lying on a table . . . “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,” he says. “What kind of a title is that?” I say, “It’s hard to explain.” “Life,” he says in a mystical voice, “is like a motorcycle. You must maintain your motorcyle.” He makes a gong sound . . . I am in an enormous vault, dead, and they are paying their last respects. It’s kind of them to come and do this. They didn’t have to do this. I feel grateful. Now [my son] motions for me to open the glass door of the vault. I see he wants to talk to me. He wants me to tell him, perhaps, what death is like. I feel a desire to do this, to tell him. It was so good of him to come and wave I will tell him… Read more →
The Renaissance Man
I’m looking at these last few posts where I’ve strung together W.H. Auden, John Dewey, Meat Loaf and Franz Kafka, not with any sense of purpose, just things I’ve read or listened to on my winter break. What a renaissance man I am! Why, if you were here, we could talk about poetry, education, philosophy, sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll, existentialism . . . and we’d have a good time too, considering we’re all going to die . . . Read more →
Bat Out of Hell
And I ran up the stairs to my parents’ bedroom Mommy and Daddy was sleeping in the moonlight Slowly I opened the door, creeping in the shadows Right up to the foot of their bed I raised the guitar high above my head And just as I was about to bring the guitar Crashing down upon the center of the bed, My father woke up, screaming “Stop! Wait a minute! Stop it boy! What do ya think you’re doin’? That’s no way to treat an expensive musical instrument!” “God Dammit Daddy! You know I love you, But you got a hell of a lot to learn about Rock ‘n Roll” — Meat Loaf, “Wasted Youth” Read more →
Death of a Programmer
I’m reviewing my year-end Benefits Summary at work . . . I’ve got life insurance plus supplemental life insurance at a multiple of my annual salary. I’m having a Willy Loman moment where it seems like after all the highways, and the trains, and the appointments, and the years, you end up worth more dead than alive . . . Thus spoke The Programmer. Read more →
A Mixed Blessing
Reviewing the EppsNet balance sheet: investment accounts down, home equity down. My wife says at least we have our health. Even that’s a mixed blessing as my retirement planning currently includes dying young before the money runs out . . . Read more →
Movin’ On Up!
BOSTON (AP) — Paul Benedict, the actor who played the English neighbor Harry Bentley on the sitcom “The Jeffersons,” has died. He was 70. — Associated Press Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Diagonal Jaywalkers I don’t mind if you want to cut across the middle of the road. I do that myself. But when I do it, I take a straight line perpendicular to the street and I walk briskly, maybe even jog a little bit. I don’t take a diagonal path into oncoming traffic and refuse to speed up when I see a car coming. Why do I not do it that way, you ask? Two reasons: The person driving the car may not be paying attention and may run me over and kill me. The person driving the car may be a crazy person looking to run over anybody who gets in his way. YOU DON’T THINK SO?! There’s a lot of nuts out there! Read the news! I swear to god, some days I feel like I’m just hanging on by a thread myself. Think about that the next… Read more →
A Perfect Game
I was reading about a guy, 62 years old, been bowling in the same league for 45 years . . . he achieves his lifelong dream of bowling a perfect 300 game, and then, to make it even more perfect, immediately keels over and dies. What a way to go! It’s so important to die at the right time if you want to be remembered at your best. Actuarially speaking, 62 years is not a long lifespan. But let’s say the guy had lived another 20 years — he would have accomplished nothing and probably wasted away in an old-age home. Who wants to be remembered like that? Poor guy. Look at him. Would you believe that 20 years ago he bowled a perfect game? Read more →
With Friends Like That . . .
Ouch! What did he do to people he didn’t like? Read more →
Another Difference Between Dogs and Cats
My owner was telling me about a conversation he had with a co-worker, explaining to her that dogs have a special relationship with humans. “So do cats,” she said. “Would your cat save you if you were drowning?” he asked. “No, but your dog wouldn’t save you either.” “He sure would.” “He’s not any bigger than your head.” “He would try to do something.” “Exactly. He’d make things worse.” That’s not very nice and if I ever meet this woman I’m going to growl at her. I’m not a big dog like Lassie or Rin Tin Tin, but I’m not a cat either, so I would definitely try to save him. It’s a roll of the dice. I might save him or I might kill both of us, but he was going to drown anyway and I don’t want to be alive without him. If you want to see how… Read more →