In memory of the Rev. Falwell, here’s one of my favorite Woody Allen quotes, from Hannah and Her Sisters But the worst are the fundamentalist preachers. Third-rate con men telling the poor suckers that they speak with Jesus. And to please send in money. Money, money, money! If Jesus came back and saw what is going on in his name, he’d never stop throwing up. Farewell, Falwell! Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
Responses to Tragedy
Dinesh DiSouza, a noted conservative pundit, was moved in the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shootings to say this: Only the language of religion seems appropriate to the magnitude of tragedy. Only God seems to have the power to heal hearts in such circumstances. . . . Atheism seems to have nothing to say to people when there is serious bereavement or tragedy. That’s not true. For example, one famous atheist response to tragedy is this: So it goes. DiSouza also forgot to add that if you leave out platitudes, pleasant myths and happily-ever-after fairy tales, religion has nothing to say to people either . . . Read more →
What to Do If You’re Confronted With a Gun-Wielding Madman
Slate has some advice. Here’s how it’s done at USC. Fight On! Read more →
OK, So They Were Violent and Crazy
More details are emerging on the crazy naked woman with a gun case . . . Not surprisingly, despite a neighbor’s assertion that Kevin and Joni Park “were not violent or crazy,” it turns out that they were in fact violent and crazy. Read more →
They Were Not Violent or Crazy
Here’s an offbeat local item as reported in the Orange County Register: Kevin and Joni Park were shot and killed in an oceanfront bungalow at the Montage [a Laguna Beach hotel where bungalows start at $2,200 a night] on Sunday where they had checked in with a semiautomatic handgun and a bag of extra ammunition. The Parks were killed in a confrontation with police after officers were summoned to the hotel at 7:40 a.m. by several 911 callers, who reported a naked, “crazy woman” with a gun who was threatening them in Treasure Island Park, at the southern end of the five-star resort. Mrs. Park appears to be naked in the accompanying photo as well. Was she a nudist? The Register is silent on this point. One of the Parks’ neighbors says that “they were not violent or crazy.” No, they were not violent or crazy. I ask you: who… Read more →
A Well-Regulated Militia
“People don’t stop killers,” writes the Instapundit. “People with guns do.” The idea is that if one of the Virginia Tech students had had a gun with him, he could have come to the rescue like Dick Dauntless, and shot the Korean. Well that’s true. But what if 300 students had guns, and they were all on the look-out for a student with a gun? I’m failing to see the genius of this plan, though no doubt I’ve overlooked something obvious. — Harry Hutton I wish I’d thought of that. I was just going to say that if you base public policy decisions on extreme, unrepresentative events, you may wind up with a cure that’s worse than the disease . . . Read more →
Drowning in Sewage
Further deadly sewage floods are feared after a wave of stinking waste and mud from a collapsed septic pool inundated a Gaza village, killing five people, including two babies. . . . It highlighted the desperate need to upgrade Gaza’s overloaded, outdated infrastructure — but aid officials say construction of a modern sewage treatment plant has been held up by constant Israeli-Palestinian fighting. — Associated Press In related news, the Jerusalem Post reports that Israel recently stopped selling metal pipes to the Palestinians after discovering that the pipes were being used to build rockets that were then launched back into Israel. Bombed with their own metal — ironic! The punch line is what the Palestinians were supposed to be using the pipes for: building a sewage system in Gaza. Read more →
Everyone Who Disagrees With Me Should Die
Some famous scientist — I wish I could remember who — said that new theories supplant old theories not on merit, but only when everyone who believed in the old theory has died. Hence — don’t expect people to embrace your new idea. People hate new ideas. The good news is — eventually a new idea becomes an old idea. Once people start to say, “Oh, that idea’s been around for a while,” or die, whichever comes first, they become more receptive to it. Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Rona Barrett – gossip columnist Gene Barry – actor Orson Bean – TV game show panelist Van Cliburn – pianist Richard Dawson – actor and game show host Bo Diddley – musician Patti Page – singer Jean Stapleton – actress Abigail Van Buren – advice columnist Updates Gene Barry – died 12/9/2009, age 90 Orson Bean – died 2/7/2020, age 91 Van Cliburn – died 2/27/2013, age 78 Richard Dawson – died 6/2/2012, age 79 Bo Diddley – died 6/2/2008, age 79 Patti Page – died 1/1/2013, age 85 Jean Stapleton – died 5/13/2013, age 90 Abigail Van Buren – died 1/16/2013, age 94 Read more →
Some People Should Be Allowed to Work at Their Own Pace
Speaking of motivation, today’s Orange County Register has a story about a guy who really knows — or knew — how to light a fire under his employees. According to the story, Woo Sung Park, a landscaping supervisor, told day laborer Ernesto Avalos that he, Avalos, was not pulling his weight on the job. The pep talk so energized Mr. Avalos that he beat Mr. Park to death with a shovel and a pickax. This happened right here in Irvine! Tragically, one of my rich neighbors is now two men short on his beautification project . . . Read more →
Grab a Shovel
Former President Jimmy Carter said Sunday he hopes to be buried in front of his home in Plains, the southwest Georgia town where he and his wife were born. — Associated Press Great idea! When can we get started on that? What? Oh, he means after he dies? Carter’s friend Hugo Chavez seems to be saying, “Let’s put the hole right here.” Read more →
Another Reason I Let My Wife Handle the Holiday Decorations
Aliso Viejo man dies after falling while hanging Christmas lights — Orange County Register This cautionary tale includes a helpful tip from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission: Falls from ladders or rooftops are comical in the movies, but in reality, they can be a very dangerous thing. Actually, falls from ladders and rooftops can be funny in real life too, but only when they happen to someone else. See also: Another Reason I Let My Wife Handle the Grocery Shopping Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Bowie Kuhn – Major League Baseball commissioner Updates Bowie Kuhn – died 3/15/2007, age 80 Read more →
Ed Bradley: 1941-2006
Ed Bradley died today following a lengthy illness. Here’s an excerpt from an interview with Ed a few years ago: I’ve heard the words “compassionate listener,” “soft-spoken,” “instinctive,” “intelligent,” “maverick,” and “trailblazer” used to describe you. How do you define Ed Bradley? I guess all of those things fit. How about “untalented and unaware of it” or “surprisingly full of himself”? I’d have liked to buy him for what he was worth, sell him for what he thought he was worth and pocket the difference, which would have been quite a tidy sum. Read more →
Another Argument Against Day Care
Cypress babysitter jailed after infant’s death — Orange County Register Read more →
Cory Lidle: 1972-2006
It is impossible to escape the impression that people commonly use false standards of measurement . . . and they underestimate what is of true value in life. — Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents Two men die in a plane crash. One man’s death is widely lamented; the other man is barely mentioned. Why? Because the first man was good at throwing a ball. It just goes to show how insignificant some of the things that we think are significant really are. — Various sportswriters and ballplayers Really? Well, now that this has been brought home to you, are you going to quit your job as a ballplayer or a person who writes about ballplayers and do something “significant” with your life? I didn’t think so. Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Norm Crosby – comedian Jane Goodall – primatologist Updates Norm Crosby – died 11/7/2020, age 93 Jane Goodall – died 10/1/2025, age 91 Read more →
Tequila!
Danny Flores, composer of “Tequila,” a huge hit for the Champs in 1958, has died. He was 77. — Orange County Register Flores died in Westminster, about 20 miles from where I live in Irvine. He had been suffering for years from Parkinson’s disease. He made about $70,000 a year from the European rights to “Tequila” but in one of those “seemed like a good idea at the time” moves that you kick yourself for later, he had long since signed away the rights to U.S. royalties, an error in judgment that the Register attributed to the fact that Flores was — wait for it — a heavy drinker in the early days of the band. Read more →
The Favor of Ending
[S]tories hold power because they convey the illusion that life has purpose and direction. Where God is absent from the lives of all but the most blessed, the writer, of all people, replaces that ordering principle. Stories make sense when so much around us is senseless, and perhaps what makes them most comforting is that, while life goes on and pain goes on, stories do us the favor of ending. — John Hodgman Read more →
Grandma Died Yesterday
Grandma died today. Or, maybe, yesterday; I can’t be sure. Just kidding; it was yesterday, but I never get tired of that joke. Grandma was 94 years old. She was quick-witted almost to the end. She died at St. Jude Medical Center, the same hospital where I was born. She was 47 when I was born, the same age I am now. It’s the circle of life. Grandma was a Presbyterian. Everyone else in the family, except me, is Catholic. The Catholic chaplain at St. Jude anointed Grandma before she died. I’m not sure what that means, but I know that my mom asked the priests at her parish to do it and they wouldn’t because Grandma was not a Catholic. “He said he was deeply sorry,” Andrew savagely caricatured the inflection, “but it was simply a rule of the Church.” “Some church,” he snarled. “And they call themselves… Read more →