“Is Fidel Castro dead yet?” my son asks. “No,” I say, “as far as I know he’s still alive. Why do you care?” “Fidel Castro is the most Communistic Communist in the history of Communist Communism. And I have him in a death pool.” “When do you need him to die?” “Like . . . right now.” “Do you have anyone else in your death pool?” “Maurice Clarett.” Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
There is No Road
Is it all a dream, yes, perhaps a dream. . . . Death, its closeness. . . . Was I in prison once? I cannot remember. At the end of what is necessary, I have come to a place where there is no road. — Iris Murdoch, Jackson’s Dilemma Read more →
I Guess You’ll Do
Let’s begin this typical courtship process, shall we? Read more →
Yin and Yang
Yang never drops its sword until death has made its decision who to take. Yin hopes that the other guy will die of a heart attack while he’s stabbing you. — Stanley Bing, Sun Tzu Was a Sissy Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Art Buchwald – columnist Mike Douglas – TV talk show host Lena Horne – singer E. Howard Hunt – Watergate conspirator Bil Keane – cartoonist, “The Family Circus” Deborah Kerr – actress Jack Klugman – actor Lyndon LaRouche – U.S. presidential candidate Claude Levi-Strauss – anthropologist Herbert Lom – actor, “The Pink Panther” Rose Marie – actress/game show panelist Dick Martin – TV host, “Laugh-In” George Martin – music producer, The Beatles Harry Morgan – actor Edwin Newman – newscaster Maureen O’Hara – actress Jane Russell – actress Gloria Vanderbilt – fashion designer Kurt Waldheim – U.N. secretary-general Esther Williams – swimmer Efrem Zimbalist Jr. – actor Updates Art Buchwald – died 1/17/2007, age 81 Mike Douglas – died 8/11/2006, age 81 Lena Horne – died 5/9/2010, age 92 E. Howard Hunt – died 1/23/2007, age 88 Bil Keane – died 11/8/2011, age 89 Deborah Kerr – died 10/16/2007, age… Read more →
15 People Who Make America Great
Ruby Jones, 67, worked in the hospice unit at Lindy Boggs Medical Center in New Orleans. Last August, as Hurricane Katrina was zeroing in on the city, she elected not to evacuate, but to stay with the eight dying patients under her care. She has been recognized by Newsweek as one of “15 People Who Make America Great”: Read more →
Zarqawi Killed: “A Good Day’s Work”
Zarqawi . . . was able to help ensure that the Iraqi people did not have one single day of respite between 35 years of war and fascism, and the last three-and-a-half years of misery and sabotage. If we had withdrawn from Iraq already, as the “peace” movement has been demanding, then one of the most revolting criminals of all time would have been able to claim that he forced us to do it. That would have catapulted Iraq into Stone Age collapse and instated a psychopathic killer as the greatest Muslim soldier since Saladin. As it is, the man is ignominiously dead and his dirty connections a lot closer to being fully exposed. This seems like a good day’s work to me. — Christopher Hitchens Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
George McGovern – U.S. Congressman, Senator, and Democratic presidential nominee. Updates George McGovern – died 10/21/2012, age 90 Read more →
HW Explains the U.S. Newborn Mortality Rate
Just in time for Mother’s Day, Save the Children has published its seventh annual State of the World’s Mothers report on newborn mortality. As usual, the U.S. takes a beating: Read more →
Inspirational Quote of the Day
There is one bright spot at the back, at the beginning of life, and afterwards all becomes blacker and blacker and proceeds more rapidly—in inverse ratio to the square of the distance from death. — Leo Tolstoy, “The Death of Ivan Illych” Read more →
Hunter Thompson’s High-Caliber Doldrum-Buster
Rolling Stone magazine has published Hunter Thompson’s suicide note, which he titled “Football Season is Over.” Thompson wrote the note last February, four days before fatally shooting himself in his kitchen. Douglas Brinkley, Thompson’s official biographer, writes, February was always the cruelest month for Hunter S. Thompson. An avid NFL fan, Hunter traditionally embraced the Super Bowl in January as the high-water mark of his year. February, by contrast, was doldrums time. I don’t understand “avid” sports fans — they depress and frighten me — but I’d certainly encourage other sports enthusiasts to consider Thompson’s high-caliber doldrum-buster . . . Read more →
Jesus at a Republican Fund-Raiser
I want to say to the meek: Once we finally get rid of the death tax, you’re not inheriting anything. — Jesus Christ Read more →
Last Request
There’s a company in Chicago that will make “a certified, high-quality diamond” from the carbon of your deceased loved one. “Send me the link to that,” my wife says. I don’t know if a web page is legally binding, but I am stating right here that I do not want to be crushed into a gemstone upon my demise. Read more →
Remember
As time goes on, we will naturally start to forget what happened on September 11, 2001 . . . Read more →
The Jennings Boys
I’m dropping my son off at a UC Irvine sports camp. We drive past some construction workers and I heckle them through my rolled-up window so they can’t hear me. “Closest you guys ever got to a college campus, huh?” I say. “They’re probably high school dropouts like Peter Jennings. I hate to speak negatively about the recently deceased, but Peter Jennings was not that bright. He used to say that he learned something new every day, but that’s easy if you don’t know very much to begin with.” “Ken Jennings is smart,” my son chimes in. Read more →
Dead and Loving It
Wal-Mart heir John Walton died Monday when his ultralight aircraft crashed after taking off from an airport in Jackson, Wyoming. Read more →
Setting Expectations
A family member had surgery recently and had to sign a consent form: I have been advised that all surgery involves general risks, including but not limited to bleeding, infection, nerve or tissue damage and rarely, cardiac arrest, death or other serious bodily injury. I acknowledge that no guarantees or assurances have been made as to the results that may be obtained. And so on . . . Don’t say you weren’t warned! Medical professionals are very good at setting realistic expectations with the customer, whereas in IT we take customers into projects with glib assurances and wishful thinking. I wonder if we could make a practice of saying to customers even something as simple as this: “This project — like all projects — has a number of possible outcomes, and not all of them are good. Let’s go over some of the more likely scenarios . . .” Thus… Read more →
HW’s True Hollywood Stories
Florence Lawrence: The First Movie Star Interesting fact: Prior to 1910, movies did not list the names of the cast members! Actors were just nameless faces on the screen . . . Read more →
Dying at the Right Time
[James] Dean died before he could fail, before he lost his hair or his boyish figure, before he grew up. — Donald Spoto, Rebel: The Life and Legend of James Dean One must discontinue being feasted upon when one tasteth best; that is known by those who want to be long loved. — Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra Many die too late, and some die too early. Yet strange soundeth the precept: ‘Die at the right time!’ — Ibid. Read more →
Transcendental Meditation
Slate summarizes an article from the American Journal of Cardiology (emphasis added): Transcendental meditation may prevent death from hypertension. In a study, hypertensive elderly people who used TM were 23 percent to 30 percent less likely to die than those who relied on other relaxation methods or drugs. What is the difference between transcendental meditation and regular meditation? It must be pretty good if it makes people “less likely to die.” Read more →