A client I’m working with is rewarding the top 20 percent of its sales force by flying them to Lake Tahoe for a 3-day weekend. An enterprising competitor might say to himself, “Hmmm . . . what if something were to happen to that plane?” Now there’s something they don’t teach you at Harvard Business School. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
Overheard at Bob Hope’s 100th Birthday Party
“I wanna tell ya, this Bob Hope is really funny.” “You are Bob Hope.” “I am?! Am I still alive?” Read more →
HW’s True Hollywood Stories
Clara “Auntie Em” Blandick Clara Blandick was born June 4, 1880, aboard an American ship in the harbor off Hong Kong. She appeared in over 100 films, most notably as Auntie Em in The Wizard of Oz (1939). In later years, she suffered from severe arthritis and failing eyesight. Read more →
Kill the Model Prisoners
Ohio executes man who killed woman with knife — Reuters His attorneys sought clemency on the grounds that he had been a “model prisoner.” I think if that’s the best thing you can say about someone, it’s time to go ahead and kill him. Footnote: That’s a terrible headline. Did he kill a woman who had a knife? Was he executed with a knife? Some people might argue that that’s cruel and unusual, although I wouldn’t oppose it personally . . . Read more →
Atkins Dies
Dr. Robert Atkins, creator of the high-fat, low-carb “Atkins Diet,” died today, not from a heart attack or stroke, as I’d hoped, but by slipping on a sidewalk outside his office. Maybe that crazy diet affects your balance . . . Read more →
Fred “Mr.” Rogers Dies at 74
Mr. Rogers died yesterday at age 74. His death was announced by — honest to god — Mr. McFeely, aka family spokesman David Newell. Read more →
Happy Valentines Day
Husband promises to break off affair with office receptionist if wife loses weight and gets breast implants. Wife schedules liposuction and breast enhancement. Husband fails to break off affair as promised. Wife runs over husband with car, killing him. Colorado mom leaves six kids, ages 6 to 14, home alone with food, a credit card and $7 in cash while she takes a two-week vacation to Italy with her boyfriend. Read more →
Reviving Interest in the Space Program
I had no idea we were still launching space shuttles until Columbia blew up yesterday, which is one way of reviving people’s interest in the space program. President Bush says “the cause in which they died will continue,” meaning manned space flight. “Send him up there,” my wife says. Read more →
Never Trust a Golfer
A 68-year-old South Carolina man was arrested in the 1957 slaying of two Southern California police officers who were shot after they stopped a car for running a red light. According to the Associated Press: Gerald Fiten Mason was a solid member of his South Carolina community, a golfer who lived quietly with his wife of 40 years. I’ve always distrusted a man who plays golf . . . Read more →
Another Reason to Restrict TV Viewing
In a local “headless torso” case, two boys were arrested for killing their mom, then cutting off her head and hands to hinder identification of the body, a trick they picked up from watching “The Sopranos.” This is why I don’t allow a lot of TV viewing at my house . . . Read more →
Donnie Moore
There’s a sad story on Donnie Moore’s daughter in the Orange County Register today . . . In 1986, the Angels were one out away from the World Series when Moore gave up a two-run homer to Boston’s Dave Henderson. The Angels lost the game, lost the next two games to lose the series, and — until this season — haven’t been in the playoffs since. Three years later, Moore killed himself with a gun. Read more →
Mike Webster
Former Steeler Webster dies at age 50 — ESPN.com This is a sad story. Mike Webster’s football career brought him nine Pro Bowl appearances, four Super Bowl victories, a Hall of Fame induction, and irreversible brain damage, which in turn led to memory loss, depression and homelessness. He was living in Pittsburgh with his high-school age son, who last week told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: My dad has some health problems no one knows about and that I don’t want to get into that much. But he has some brain injuries from football. I have to take care of my dad. Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Idi Amin – General, dictator & President of Uganda (1971-79) Updates Idi Amin – died 8/16/2003, age 77 or 80 Read more →
Editor Dies in Fall
A NY Times business editor took an apparently intentional header off the 15th floor of the Times building. Too bad he wasn’t the crossword editor, it would have made a better headline. You’d want to work the phrase “15 Down” into it . . . Read more →
No Work Today
A former colleague of mine died over the weekend — “former” only in the sense that he’s now deceased; he was in the office as recently as last Friday. Sadly, I suppose, my first thought was: “At least he doesn’t have to come to work today.” Read more →
At the Ballpark
Woman collapses, dies in Orlando Rays’ minor-league promotion — ESPN.com Nothing like this ever happens when I go to the ballpark. The story doesn’t give the woman’s height and weight — it may have been newsworthy in that 28-year-old women normally don’t keel over and die after a short run. At least one paper elected — somewhat insensitively, I think — to run news of the woman’s death in a baseball roundup column, immediately followed by the mesmerizing news that the Blue Jays activated Carlos Delgado from the 15-day DL. Read more →
Edsger Dijkstra, 1930-2002
I mean, if 10 years from now, when you are doing something quick and dirty, you suddenly visualize that I am looking over your shoulders and say to yourself, ‘Dijkstra would not have liked this,’ well, that would be enough immortality for me. — Edsger Dijkstra Dijkstra, a pioneer in computer science and structured programming, has died of cancer at age 72. He was widely known for his note “Go To Statement Considered Harmful” — published in the March 1968 Communications of the ACM — which fired the first salvo in the structured programming wars. (For an opposing viewpoint, see “Real Programmers Don’t Use Pascal.”) Reportedly, the ACM considered the resulting acrimony sufficiently harmful that it will, by policy, no longer print an article taking so assertive a position against a coding practice. Use of titles of the form “X Considered Y” remains a persistent in-joke. Another in-joke: Dijkstra and… Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Ralph Edwards – game show host Red Schoendienst – baseball player and manager Pete Seeger – folk singer/songwriter Updates Ralph Edwards – died 11/16/2005, age 92 Red Schoendienst – died 6/6/2018, age 95 Pete Seeger – died 1/24/2014, age 94 Read more →
Ironic Twist of the Year Award
Leaving men wholly, totally free To do anything they wish to do but die . . . — Bob Dylan, “Gates of Eden” According to Slate, if NRA president Charlton Heston does in fact develop full-blown Alzheimer’s disease, California state law would compel him to surrender his firearms. Read more →
Quietus
ORANGE COUNTY, CA – A 26-year-old Sacramento man was stabbed to death late Tuesday in front of a Garden Grove apartment where he was visiting residents, police said. — The Orange County Register Probably the only way to stop him whining about the Lakers-Kings series . . . Read more →