EppsNet Archive: Dogs

Happy Mothers Day!

 

Hi Mom! Happy Mothers Day! How are things in Iowa? Here’s a recent picture of me at the dog park. You can see I have an underbite just like Dad. Some people tease me about it but I don’t care. You would be so proud of me. I’m the alpha dog of my whole neighborhood! People think that dogs don’t remember their families but of course I remember you and I always love you even though you’re far away. Your son, Lightning Read more →

ABCs of Me

 

This has been making the rounds of my Facebook friends so I thought I’d repost my answers here: A – Age: Extremely late 30s B – Bed Size: Procrustean C – Chore You Hate? If it’s a chore, I hate it D – Dogs Name? Lightning E – Essential Daily Items? Nothing is essential F – Favorite Color? Blue. No, yell– AUUUUUUUUGH! G – Gold Or Silver? Whatever H – Height? 6-0, give or take I – Instruments You Play? Drums and piano, both poorly J – Job Title? Lord of Logic K – Kids? Son, age 15 L – Living Arrangements? Wife, kid and dog, in a rapidly depreciating house M – Mom’s Name? Good question…I only knew her as “Mom” N – Nicknames? Like Charlie Brown, I always wanted to be called “Flash” O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth? Burst fracture, L1 (i.e. broken back); laparascopic… Read more →

The Starbucks Girl Will Be a Good Pug Owner

 

My owner took me to the dog park this morning and then we went to the Starbucks drive-thru. I like to stick my head out the window and say hi to the drive-thru people! This morning, the drive-thru girl said, “Oh I want a pug so bad! Is it true that they snore?” I don’t snore. “Some do,” my owner said, “but this one doesn’t.” “When I get my pug,” the girl said, “if she snores I’m going to love her snoring SO MUCH!” That’s sweet. What a nice girl. “She’ll be a lucky pug,” my owner said. — Lightning Read more →

The Conundrum of Fame

 

Here’s conundrum of fame, as I see it: It’s always said that if you want to be famous, you must endure criticism. The fabled “trade off”… …But the whole reason people want to be famous is to be loved. They’re love-addicts. Hating a celeb is like kicking a hemophiliac. Like I bet Tom Hanks internalizes a shitty remark way more than, say, the HR lady in your office. He’s needy. That’s why he’s Tom Hanks. All right, enough Psych 101. My Chihuahua looks like Billy Crystal and my Shepherd is Gheorghe Muresan. They need a development deal. — Diablo Cody Read more →

Tweets on 2009-03-26

 

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. –Seneca # The definition for “value” that I recently started using is “what guides us when we have to make a hard decision.” http://tinyurl.com/chzkqp # @tweetmeme @smashingmag Reading ‘Designing Drop-Down Menus: Examples and Best Practices’ http://tinyurl.com/dnzeyh # Love the Weinerschnitzel vs Carls Jr 2 for $3 chili dog battle. The customer is the true winner! # RT @BonnieLowe: Reading “Thirsty plants cn twttr 4 water w/ new device.” nxt it’ll be yr cat tweeting 4 snacks. http://tinyurl.com/dfh8dk # RT @KathySierra: Choosing a dog based on breed name is ridiculous, but the coder in me is geekily drawn to: http://tinyurl.com/d3gmkc # At Uni High 4 Irvine Band Festival # Read more →

It’s Oscar Night!

 

    What’s with all these awards? They’re always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler. — Woody Allen, Annie Hall LOL! Woody Allen cracks me up! I’m not going to watch the Oscars but I hope Slumdog Millionaire wins a lot of awards because my owner says it’s good and because I love movies about dogs. Unless Owen Wilson is in it. — Lightning Read more →

A Lesson in Trust

 

The dog has a stuffed bear he likes to sleep with. Unfortunately, it’s now bedtime and we don’t know where the bear is. “Have you seen his bear?” I ask my wife. “I think he had it upstairs,” she says. “Either in our room or Casey’s room.” “Upstairs” and “bear” are two of the words the dog recognizes so he’s already charged upstairs and waiting for me on the top step. I walk up and ask him, “Where’s your bear?” He runs into my room. We look around in there and can’t find it so we go down the hall to the boy’s room where he’s sitting on the bed doing homework. I say to him, “Where is it, you bear-stealin’ varmint?” He gets up and walks out of the room. “Thanks for the help,” I call after him. “Come on, Lightning, we’ll conduct the search without him.” A few… Read more →

A Lack of Foresight

 

It’s chilly tonight in Orange County — temperatures in the low 40s — but the dog still needs to go out for a walk so I ask my son to please take care of it. “It’s kinda cold,” he says. “It’s okay,” I reply. “He’s got fur.” “I don’t have fur.” “You should have thought of that when you asked for a dog.” Read more →

Insulting People as a Public Service

 

There was a troubled-looking guy in Petco this afternoon giving away packets of Natural Balance dog food. He looked like a meth addict or something. As I walked past him, he mumbled, without making eye contact, “Want some free dog food?” “My dog won’t eat that shit,” I said, which is not true, but it certainly took the wind out of his sails. Now you might say I wasn’t very charming but by verbally assaulting him in that way, I was motivating him to rehabilitate himself and get a real job. Tough love . . . Read more →

BKFF

 

Originally uploaded by Izzi:) HA HA, Marshmallow pwned the pug hater! Marshmallow is my BKFF — Best Kitteh Friend Forever. What? You don’t think dogs and cats can be friends? They can! Look — here’s a picture I found on Flickr that proves it . . . — Lightning Read more →

Dog Food Review: Wellness

 

I don’t like this dog food. I will eat almost ANYTHING, including things that you normally wouldn’t think of as edible, like kleenex from the wastebasket, so if a dog food company produces something I don’t like to eat, they must really be doing something wrong. — Lightning Read more →

Police Dog in Action

 

One of my owner’s friends sent him this image of a police dog in action. I’ll bet that guy didn’t expect the dog to jump over the car like that! I wish the image was bigger so I could see the look on his face! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! — Lightning Read more →

My Dog Reviews Marley and Me

 

I love movies about dogs! Wait — is Owen Wilson in that? I HATE Owen Wilson! Whenever I meet a new bitch at the dog park, the first thing I ask her is “Do you think Owen Wilson is funny?” And if she says yes, I am OUTTA there. Rating: Two paws down. — Lightning Read more →

A Time to Worry

 

It was a weird day for dog walking. Just after Lightning had a run-in with a rottweiler, who fortunately turned out to be docile, we came upon a young man and what looked like his mom walking a pit bull. The woman said “Hold ‘im, Cody” to the kid in a chain-smoker voice and I veered Lightning in another direction. I wasn’t taking any chances because they looked exactly like the kind of people who’d own a violent pit bull. You’ve got Ma, the chain-smoking meth addict, and her boy Cody, the kid with the white trash name. Whenever I hear someone say “Hold ‘im, Cody” to a guy with a pit bull, I am outta there . . . Read more →

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