EppsNet Archive: Dogs

The Dog Ate My Homework

by  on 
 

It’s an old joke but does it ever really happen? My son’s science homework for last night was to build some Lewis dots using Froot Loops. This morning, the dog ran out and managed to take a couple of bites of a Lewis dot before we were able to fend him off . . . Read more →

Greed

by  on 
 

The dog is sitting attentively watching my son eat a chili dog. “You’re not going to get any of that,” I explain to the dog. “He’s greedy. He makes Jack Welch look like Good King Wenceslas.” “And you,” the boy says, “make Donnie ‘We Found Him’ look like one of the Three Wise Men.” The boy going deep in the archives to pull out a Wild Thornberrys reference, in which Donnie — seen here hanging from a tree limb — was a feral boy raised by orangutans. Read more →

A Lesson in Leadership

by  on 
 

I took the dog for a walk this morning before dropping my son off at school . . . in theory, the dog is “his” dog, but in practice, I wind up doing most of the work. As we got back from the walk, the boy was standing outside yelling, “Let’s go! We’re late!” “Okay, Mr. Doesn’t-Do-Any-Work-While-Barking-Out-Orders-To-Others,” I said. “That’s what leadership’s all about,” he said. Read more →

Pug Photos from Pugtoberfest and Flickr

by  on 
 

Pugs ‘N Pals holds an annual Pugtoberfest in Costa Mesa, a fun-filled day of costume contests and pug games. Here are some links to photos and a video from this year’s event: http://www.flickr.com/photos/14782153@N04 http://www.flickr.com/photos/joeesha/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/pandorasparlor http://cbs2.com/video/?id=49923@kcbs.dayport.com More recent pug photos from Flickr Originally uploaded by Up Late Cakes. Originally uploaded by ljc@flickr. And finally . . . A great Flickr set of pug photos. Read more →

Naked People on a Glacier

by  on 
 

In this image supplied by Greenpeace, U.S. artist Spencer Tunick and Greenpeace Switzerland present hundreds of naked people to symbolize the vulnerability of glaciers under climate change. Is that what it’s supposed to symbolize? What did it symbolize when he photographed hundreds of naked people in Venezuela, France, Britain, etc., etc., etc. Isn’t anyone else bored out of their minds with this idiot yet? He’s like that miscreant who dresses up Weimaraners, and everyone else who has one limited idea and keeps repeating it over and over and over. I don’t claim to be a great artist, but let me tell you how this glacier shoot should have been done: You put the hundreds of people on the glacier, at which time they discover to their dismay that they’re stuck there like a tongue on a lamppost. You leave them there to slowly starve to death and decompose. It reeks… Read more →

Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Just the Translator

by  on 
 

My son’s working on the computer when Lightning the pug jumps in his lap and lays down on his arm. “How am I supposed to type with a dog laying on my arm?” the boy asks either me or the dog, I’m not sure which. Lightning looks at me and pants a few times. “He says you need to start thinking outside the bun,” I tell the boy. “Ummmm . . .” “Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make sense to me either, but that’s what he said.” Read more →

My Dog Explains His Name

by  on Lightning
 

Sometimes when my owner takes me to the dog park, people ask him what my name is. When he says “Lightning,” they laugh, like it’s a joke, a bit of irony, like naming a Great Dane “Tiny.” Look, people, I’m almost 4 years old now, but when I was a puppy, I was really fast — for a pug. That’s why my owners named me Lightning. I’m still fast when I go full speed. I just don’t do it that much anymore. Don’t underestimate the pug. — Lightning Read more →

Another Mystery Unraveled

by  on 
 

Our dog is not fat, but he could probably stand to lose two or three pounds. To that end, I’ve been taking him for more walks and carefully measuring the amount of food he eats: one-half cup twice a day. I’ve instructed my wife and kid, “When you feed the dog, no more than one-half cup per serving.” I even bought a new measuring cup with bold markings to make it easy for everybody. In spite of all this, the dog hasn’t lost any weight. This morning, as I was about to give the dog his one-half cup of food, my wife looked at the measuring cup and said, “Oh my god! Is that all you feed him?!” Read more →

Wives and Pugs

by  on 
 

I read that pugs like the sound of their owner’s voice almost as much as they like food. That’s why it’s so important to talk to your pug. “It’s important to talk to your wife too,” my wife says. “Pugs are easy to please. Pugs will always be there. Wives have a car and two feet.” Read more →

Stupid People and Their Stupid Dogs

by  on 
 

A guy brought a laser pointer to the dog park tonight so his retarded dog could chase the beam around like a nitwit. He tried to get my dog to chase it, but the dog just looked back at him to see where the beam was coming from, which is the intelligent thing to do in that situation. “The pug doesn’t see it,” the guy said. “He sees it,” I explained, “but pugs are too smart to chase light beams.” “What does being smart have to do with it?” Laser Guy asked. “Would you run around the park chasing after a laser beam?” I asked. “You wouldn’t. You know why? Because it’s stupid. You can’t catch it. Chasing after a ball or a frisbee makes sense. I’ve done that myself. But running around after a light beam is just moronic.” Read more →

I Get All the Holidays — And Then Some!

by  on 
 

Here’s how I spent the MLK holiday: My son went over to a friend’s house and I stayed home and read a book. When the boy came home, we threw a football around for a while, and then I took Lightning to the dog park, where he fended off an inappropriate advance from a giant black pit bull. So all in all, a jam-packed day of doing nothing . . . A friend of mine tells me he doesn’t get a day off for the King holiday. In fact, he doesn’t get another paid holiday until Memorial Day! HA HA HA! I work for a company in the banking industry. If you work for a bank, you get all the holidays off! In fact, between now and Memorial Day, we get Lincoln’s Birthday, Washington’s Birthday, Groundhog Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Earth Day, Cinco de Mayo and spring break. Plus a… Read more →

Choosing the Right Breed

by  on 
 

I saw this headline in the Orange County Register: Man fleeing burning Dana Point condo bitten by his dog My first thought was, “What kind of a dog turns on its owner in a crisis? It’s got to be a pit bull.” Sure enough . . . A pit bull spooked by the flames and smoke turned on his owner as the man tried to escape the flames with the dog in his arms. The man, who lived in the condo where the fire started, was badly bitten on both arms. The man left a trail of blood down the stairs. The dog was not hurt in the blaze. The dog wasn’t hurt, although an officer on the scene did offer to shoot the animal to keep the owner from being mangled any worse than he already was, an offer the owner declined. “Please don’t shoot my dog!” he pleaded.… Read more →

« Previous Page — Next Page »