Someone sent me a link to Dogster. OK . . . I just looked at the doggie diaries a little bit. Some people are waaaay too into their dogs. Now, don’t get me wrong . . . I love my dog, but anyone referring to pets as “kids” or to themselves as the “mommy” or “daddy” of an animal should be euthanized. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Dogs
At the Dog Park
A woman calls to her dog, a mutt named Lucky. “Why did you name him Lucky?” I ask. “He got hit by a car and survived,” she says. Hmmm . . . it seems to me if he were really lucky, he wouldn’t have been hit by a car in the first place. What was his name before he got hit by the car? Bullseye? Read more →
My Dog Sends a Bark Out to His Mom
Hi Mom! Happy Mothers Day! I know you were sad when I left, but I live with a loving family now, so you don’t have to worry about me. Say hi to Dad. Love, Lightning P.S. Here is a picture of me with my owner. — Lightning Read more →
My Dog Reviews How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
The Grinch is very mean to his dog, Max, not because he doesn’t like dogs, but he is very mean to everyone. You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch! Read more →
Learned Helplessness
Psychologists have found that if you put a dog in a cage and repeatedly zap him with an electrical shock, the dog will soon stop trying to avoid the shock because he realizes he’s got nowhere to go. This is called “learned helplessness.” I mention this for educational purposes, not because it sounds like life in a nutshell . . . Read more →
His Master’s Voice
My wife is making noises about getting rid of the dog, because we just moved into a new house and he’s making a mess of it. He’s not doing anything bad, it’s just that normal canine activity puts some wear and tear on a place, which is why I said don’t get a dog in the first place. Read more →
Who Wants Chili?
I’m making chili for dinner . . . “I don’t like chili,” the boy says. “Good. That means there’ll be more for me and Lightning.” “You’re giving chili to the dog?!” “And since I’m not giving any to Lightning, that means there’ll be more for me . . .” Read more →
Le Hamster est Mort
Bowser died today. Or, maybe, yesterday; I can’t be sure. (French literature buffs are screaming with laughter right now. Trust me.) I feel bad that we didn’t pay as much attention to him after we got the dog, but I guess that’s why pugs cost $1,000 and hamsters cost six bucks. Read more →
What You Lookin’ At?
At the Dog Park
This is a picture of 14 pugs in a hatchback, although you can only see five of them really well. Ours — Lightning — is the one in the middle. We tried taking pictures with the hatchback open so you could see the dogs better, but they all started jumping out, so we had to abandon that plan . . . Read more →
Lost and Found
We lost our dog the other morning. My wife thought the boy was watching him and he thought she was watching him . . . it turns out no one was watching him, so he ran out the front door and disappeared. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
That Wegman guy who dresses up the Weimaraners . . . I saw him on a TV commercial this morning. Enough already! Let’s move on! Dressing up a Weimaraner once is kind of funny, but if you’re going to spend your whole life doing it, somebody really needs to kick your ass. The same goes for Anne Geddes . . . Read more →
Raising Kids and Dogs
I’m brushing my teeth in the bathroom when the dog, as he often does, runs in, jumps up, pulls the bath towels off the rack and starts shaking them around. It doesn’t do any real damage, but of course someone has to re-rack the towels. My son, who’s decided this morning that it will be funny to walk around shouting at everyone, walks in, surveys the damage and shouts at me, “Who let him do this? You?” Read more →
The Noble Pug
The pug is among the oldest breeds of dog. It is believed to have originated in China before 400 B.C., and is known to have been a pet in Buddhist monasteries in Tibet. The pug made the long trek to Europe with 17th-century traders of the Dutch East India Company. I bet they had their heads out the window the whole way! Famous pug owners include the Empress Josephine, and the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. Read more →
A Riddle
Q: What do a 10-year-old boy and a 4-month-old dog have in common? A: When you ask them to do something they don’t want to do, they just look at you like they’re unable to understand human language . . . Read more →
Adventures in Housebreaking
We lead the puppy to the carefully arranged newspaper. He’s four months old now, and to my way of thinking, he should be starting to get the hang of this by now. Read more →
Doggie Love
My wife was talking to a fellow dog-walker at the park this morning. The woman asked her, among other things, does she work, and my wife said no. That was good, the woman replied, because it really raises her hackles when people buy a dog and then leave it alone all day while they’re at work. What an astounding statement! Read more →
Lessons From a New Dog Owner
A puppy with something to chew on is as happy as a kid with an Xbox. And when you come right down to it, anything can be chewed on . . . Happy puppy! Read more →
Happy New Year!
The rest of the family got up early and went to the Rose Parade. I stayed home and watched it on TV with the dog. This is what the parade looks like to a 10-year-old. Read more →
My Kid Got a Dawg for Christmas
My kid got a dog for Christmas — a Pug. His name is Lightning. The dog’s, that is, not the kid’s. Pugs take the cake for “cute,” judging by the reaction of every woman or girl who sees one. Oh, he’s so cute! Oh, he’s so precious! Read more →