EppsNet Archive: Dogs

Biting the Hand

 

Most people who’ve seen the way I eat are afraid to get their hands anywhere near my mouth but my owner sometimes feeds me treats out of his hand. The treat can be in the fingers or in the palm. Either way, I can grab it almost faster than the human eye can detect, and I never bite the hand . . . — Lightning Read more →

R.I.P. Knut

 

It breaks my spirit to see a magnificent animal die in pain in front of all those people. Folks, if you want to see a polar bear, go to the Arctic Circle. Animals aren’t happy in zoos. I know you’re thinking, “But Lightning, you live in captivity and you’re happy.” Even as a house pet, I have more freedom than a zoo animal. My owner takes me on frequent trips to the dog park, where I’m able to exercise my innate dominance of the canine kingdom. I couldn’t live in an enclosure because I wouldn’t be able to be who I am. — Lightning Read more →

Alpha Dogs Eat First

 

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! Dinner time is my favorite time of the day! Delicious food moves from the kitchen to the dining room table and if anyone turns their back on it for a second, I launch myself onto a chair and grab some. Tonight I got a tasty chunk of salmon! “Lightning is a bad dog,” the boy says. “Joseph’s dog never tries to eat their food.” “Lightning is an alpha dog,” my owner says, “and alpha dogs eat first. Joseph’s dog is a pussy. He’s so far down the chain of dominance, there aren’t enough letters in the Greek alphabet to categorize him.” — Lightning Read more →

Groundhog Day

 

Who came up with the stupid idea to once a year ask a GROUNDHOG his opinion about the WEATHER?! You should ask a PUG his opinion about the weather. I HAVE NO OPINION ABOUT WEATHER! PUGS ARE DOMINANT IN ALL WEATHER CONDITIONS! — Lightning Read more →

A Good Breakfast

 

Every morning when my owner lets me out of my enclosure, I run down the hall and make a sharp left into the family room because that’s where my food bowl lives. And every morning, because the family room has a hardwood floor, my legs slide out from underneath me like a cartoon character. Maybe I should just walk down the hall instead of running but I can’t help it! I’m always just so excited to start the day with a good breakfast! — Lightning Read more →

Twitter: 2011-01-04

 

Trying to teach my dog to yawn on command when I say "Sleepy?" Has anyone done this? # If a God has made this world, then I would not like to be the God; its misery and distress would break my heart. — Schopenhauer # Read more →

A Dog at the Airport

 

Picking up my family at John Wayne Airport . . . There’s a guy walking around the baggage claim area with a toy poodle on a leash. I point this out to my son and say, “I didn’t know you could walk your dog around here. I would have brought Lightning.” “Maybe it’s a bomb-sniffing dog,” he says. “A bomb-sniffing poodle?” “Yeah.” Read more →

A Trip to the Vet

 

The vet asks my owner if my appetite is normal. “He’s hungry every second,” he says. “Is that normal?” For a pug it is! Now the vet is telling him how much our visit today is going to cost. “Whoa, sticker shock,” he says. “How much would it cost to just put him down?” WHAT?!?! “Kidding,” he says. HEY THAT IS NOT FUNNY!!! — Lightning Read more →

Fight or Flight

 

One of my owner’s friends is talking about the fight-or-flight response . . . I don’t have a fight-or-flight response. I have something like a fight-or-flight response, but without the flight. Grrrrrrr! — Lightning Read more →

Dogs Are Smart

 

Dogs are now so dependent upon people that they fail certain basic intelligence tests that wolves and wild dogs ace, according to new research. The findings provide evidence that humans, through domestication of canines, have caused dogs to lose their non-social problem-solving skills. The loss in skills appears to be “hardwired” genetically into dogs, helping to explain why homeless dogs struggle to survive. — Dogs dumbed down by domestication – msnbc.com That is not right to say “dumbed down.” Try teaching a wolf to shake or roll over, bright boy. Dogs and wolves are smart in different ways. Wolves are smarter about survival skills but dogs are a LOT smarter about living with people because that’s what we do. We’re very tuned in to human behavior and language and ambitions. We are also a lot better than a wolf at unconditional love, which I know is not what we’re talking… Read more →

A Word of Advice on SAT Prep

 

My son and some classmates are at our house studying for tomorrow’s SAT subject exams . . . “How’s it going?” I ask. “It sucks,” the boy says. “Well,” I say, “since I’ve already completed high school and Lightning doesn’t have to go, we’re going to go to the park.” “Aren’t you cool,” he says. “We are,” I say. “We’re cool. Can I offer a word of advice? Just relax. It’s not like your whole future depends on the outcome of this test . . . no wait, it does! AAAAHHHH! PANIC!!!” Read more →

« Previous PageNext Page »