We took Lightning to Animal Hospital of Irvine his whole life — 13 years. We boarded him there too when we went out of town. They took excellent care of him. How do I know that? Because years ago we used to board him at PetSmart and it was always a struggle. He didn’t want us to leave him there. I thought it was because he didn’t want us to leave him anywhere but when we started boarding him at Animal Hospital, his tail was wagging like crazy when we dropped him off. They gave him lots of attention and took him for lots of walks and even let him out of the kennel and let him walk around the office. We had to let Lightning go last weekend. Wendy, one of the staff members, came into the procedure room where we were waiting and said how sorry she was.… Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Getting Old
Chuck Barris, 1929-2017
Chuck Barris was well ahead of his time in recognizing how many Americans are willing to make an ass of themselves on television. The quote below is from the movie based on his book Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. I don’t know if the quote is actually in the book but I include it here nonetheless . . . When you are young, your potential is infinite. You might do anything, really. You might be Einstein. You might be DiMaggio. Then you get to an age where what you might be gives way to what you have been. You weren’t Einstein. You weren’t anything. That’s a bad moment. RIP Chuck Barris Read more →
Madonna Pledges Oral Sex for Clinton Voters
Madonna Offers Oral Sex to Anyone Who Votes for Hillary Clinton — Maxim How old is Madonna? Will she have her teeth in at the time? Could I have her gargle a mouthful of Efferdent? That would be different, like fucking a bottle of club soda . . . Read more →
What is Life Telling Me Right Now?
“You married a crazy person, you got old, there are women out there hooking up with everybody and you missed it, you dumb fucker . . .” Read more →
20-Something Girlfriends
Mel Gibson expecting NINTH child: Lethal Weapon star, 60, announces his girlfriend, 26, is pregnant — Daily Mail Online Here are the ages of Gibson’s current children: 36, 34 (twins), 31, 28, 26, 17, 6. OK, Gibson is better looking than I am, he has a lot more money than I do . . . on the other hand, I’m younger and taller (Wikipedia lists him as 5’10”). It gives one pause . . . Read more →
Just Us Kids
Just us kids in the parking lot Out here givin’ it all we got We don’t want to get old and die And there ain’t nothing we wouldn’t try Ya know we could really have it all Our kid’s gonna graduate next fall I could take retirement in 10 years It’s a damn short movie How’d we ever get here? Just us kids hangin’ out today Watchin’ our long hair turnin’ gray Not so skinny maybe not so free Not so many as we used to be — James McMurtry, “Just Us Kids” Embed from Getty Images Read more →
I Was Young Then
I wonder if the face of the young man I used to be still lives on in someone’s memory? Read more →
Happy Birthday
I remember my youth and the feeling that will never come back any more–the feeling that I could last forever, outlast the seas, the earth, and all men. — Joseph Conrad Read more →
It’s Later Than You (I) Think
Driving through the parking lot at Irvine Marketplace, I slow down to let an old man walk across in front of me. Hurry it up you elderly bastard! As I get a closer look, I recognize him as a former college classmate. Which means he’s the same age as me. He is fatter and balder than I am though, so at least I’ve got that going for me. Read more →
How Are You?
I’m getting old . . . mentally and physically I can’t do things that I used to be able to do and I feel like I’m letting everyone down. Thanks for asking . . . Read more →
Overheard
“Why is that old guy wheeling a golf bag down the sidewalk? . . . Oh wait, that’s an oxygen tank.” Read more →
Did Robin Williams Have a Dog?
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I’m seeing a person named Robin Williams on TV a lot. He always seems excited and happy, like a puppy! It’s scaring people that he ended his own life. Dogs never end their own life, no matter what. You might think we couldn’t do that but we could run in front of a car or jump off a balcony, just to name a couple of things. I wonder if Robin Williams had a dog . . . My owner and I are getting old together. We can’t run like we used to, or see very well or hear very well. He’s sad about it sometimes but I think it helps people to see dogs trying our best in every situation. Everything is temporary. — Lightning Read more →
What Are You Looking At?
When you step out of a shower and there’s a full-length mirror available, what do you look at? I look at upper-body muscle tone. I don’t look at anything above the neck or below the waist. Does this change as you get older? I used to look below the waist, front and back, not all the time but occasionally. I don’t do that now. I asked my wife and she doesn’t look at anything. Read more →
Milestones
Someone asks me for my home phone number and for a moment I can’t remember the last four digits. I am 55 years old . . . Read more →
Pink Shirt
As you get older and the color fades out of your hair and your face and your life, you need to compensate with more colorful attire. In case you’re wondering about the pink shirt . . . Read more →
EppsNet at the Movies: Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
When you are young, your potential is infinite. You might do anything, really. You might be Einstein. You might be DiMaggio. Then you get to an age where what you might be gives way to what you have been. You weren’t Einstein. You weren’t anything. That’s a bad moment. Chuck Barris was way ahead of his time in recognizing how many Americans are willing to make an ass of themselves on television. The tone of the movie is inconsistent — is it a comedy? a thriller? a tragedy? — but it’s entertaining. Thus: Recommended! Confessions of a Dangerous Mind Director: George Clooney Cast: Sam Rockwell (Chuck Barris), Drew Barrymore (Penny), George Clooney (Jim Byrd), Julia Roberts (Patricia Watson) IMDb rating: ( votes) Read more →
Happy Mothers Day!
Hi Mom! It’s me, Lightning! Happy Mothers Day! Sometimes I wonder if you’re still alive. I know you could be, even though I’m almost 70 years old myself. Here’s a recent picture of me . . . I’m taking a lot of naps now that I’m older. Although come to think of it, I took a lot of naps when I was younger too! I can’t move my legs very well now — my back legs, mostly. They don’t hurt, but I can’t feel them very much and I can’t tell where they are. It’s funny that I used to be the fastest pug and now I’m the slowest. I remember you told me that dogs teach people about two things: Unconditional love, and Nothing lasts forever. Everything ends so don’t take anything for granted, even for one day. If you don’t hear from me next Mothers Day, it’s not… Read more →
A Waiting Game
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I hate to admit it but I’m getting old. My mind is still sharp and I’m still handsome but I can’t move my legs very well anymore. I feel like pretty soon I won’t be able to move them at all and when that happens . . . My owner promised to take care of me all the way so I’m not scared. He tells me he loves me. He never used to tell me that but I knew anyway. He asked his wife the other day if it’s okay to say “Love you” to a dog. “It feels a little silly,” he said, “but maybe he understands it.” I think he knows that our time together is almost over . . . Read more →
To be useful was the best thing the old men ever hoped for themselves, and to be aimless was their worst fear. — Marilynne Robinson, Gilead
Life is Losing
We are all receding — waving or beckoning or just kissing our fingertips, we are all fading, shrinking, paling. Life is all losing, we are all losing, losing mother, father, youth, hair, looks, teeth, friends, lovers, shape, reason, life. We are losing, losing, losing. Take life away. It’s too hard, too difficult. We aren’t any good at it. Try us out on something else. But shelve life. Take life off the stands. It’s too fucking difficult and we aren’t any good at it. — Martin Amis, Money That reminds me — it’s probably about time to schedule an eye exam because I can’t goddamn see any more . . . Read more →