I’m dropping my son off at a UC Irvine sports camp. We drive past some construction workers and I heckle them through my rolled-up window so they can’t hear me. “Closest you guys ever got to a college campus, huh?” I say. “They’re probably high school dropouts like Peter Jennings. I hate to speak negatively about the recently deceased, but Peter Jennings was not that bright. He used to say that he learned something new every day, but that’s easy if you don’t know very much to begin with.” “Ken Jennings is smart,” my son chimes in. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Kids
Driving the Plane
My son is listening to his iPod as we take off from Tampa, heading back to Orange County. We’ve been cautioned to turn off electronic devices during takeoff. Read more →
NARCh – Day 4
Semifinal – 1:35 P.M. vs. NW Rebels The NW Rebels are from Oregon. We saw them play a little bit in the round-robin games. They have one very talented kid, but hockey is a team game. Final score: Bulls 8, Rebels 0. Read more →
NARCh – Day 3
Game 4 – 9:00 A.M. vs. Mission Cooler Selects The Selects are from Georgia. They fall behind 2-0 on the first shift and go downhill from there. Final score: Bulls 8, Selects 0. Read more →
NARCh – Day 2
Game 3 – 9:00 A.M. vs. Extreme Wolfpack Extreme Wolfpack is from New Jersey, Like the Bulls, they are 2-0 so far in the tournament. Final score: Bulls 4, Wolfpack 1. Read more →
NARCh – Day 1
My son’s team, MPC Bulls Blue, is playing in the NARCh 12-and-under Squirt Silver division. Sixteen teams qualified in this division. Each team will play four round-robin games, after which the top eight teams will be seeded into the quarterfinals. Read more →
One Day to Rest
The hockey tournament starts tomorrow . . . the first game’s at 9 in the morning. We’ll need to be there by 8 to check in, so we’ll have to leave the hotel by 7:30. Read more →
Off to Florida
My son and I are off to Florida, land of hurricanes and shark attacks, where his team will compete in the North American Roller Hockey Championships. Read more →
Argumentation
My wife signed our 11-year-old boy up for a week-long class in argumentation — sort of a moot court thing, I think — at UC Irvine. The cost: $400. Read more →
Why a Jukebox?
Sometimes I get a song in my head and I have to walk around the house singing it: I love rock ‘n’ roll So put another dime in the jukebox, baby “Why a jukebox?” my kid asks. Read more →
Summer Vacation
It’s the first morning of summer vacation and my boy is on the computer loading up his iPod . . . “And what might you be doing?” he says as I walk by. “Getting ready for work,” I say. “Oh yeah . . . work.” Read more →
Critics
I’m listening to some new music on my laptop, while my kid delivers a running critique . . . “Boring,” he says. “Lame.” “If you don’t like it, go somewhere else. Move along!” “Critics don’t ‘move along,’” he says. “Critics have to criticize.” Read more →
Don’t Trade Insults With a 6th Grader on the Day Vocabulary Words Are Assigned
ME: You’re a real wise guy. HIM: You’re lamentable. Read more →
Hockey Boy
My son’s hockey team won the TORHS West Coast Conference championship. They got jerseys and a trophy. I took some team and individual photos. Read more →
Pre-Automation
My son is doing a “generation gap” essay for school, in which he contrasts my life as an 11-year-old with his. Read more →
You’re Welcome
My son and I are enjoying a weekend nap . . . “Thanks, Dad,” he says. “What are you thanking me for?” “Nothing really . . . just everything . . .” Read more →
I Know Lots of Different Languages
My son is looking over my résumé, including the part where it says I’ve worked with lots of different languages. “You don’t know a lot of languages,” he says. Read more →
My Dog Sends a Bark Out to His Mom
Hi Mom! Happy Mothers Day! I know you were sad when I left, but I live with a loving family now, so you don’t have to worry about me. Say hi to Dad. Love, Lightning P.S. Here is a picture of me with my owner. — Lightning Read more →
My Son Points Out Something . . .
. . . that I’d already noticed: You know, nobody really cares what you have to say about anything. Read more →
Sports Parents Are Ruining the World
To parents who wish to lead a quiet life I would say: Tell your children that they are very naughty — much naughtier than most children. Point to the young people of some acquaintances as models of perfection and impress your own children with a deep sense of their own inferiority . . . This is called moral influence . . . — Samuel Butler, The Way of All Flesh One of the moms from my son’s hockey team tells me that there’s too much “silliness” on the team, that the kids need to prepare for games with a little more seriousness. Read more →