DAD: What are you reading? 10-YEAR-OLD: It’s a book I rented from the library. DAD: You don’t rent books from the library, you check them out. 10-YEAR-OLD: Whatever. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Kids
Mother and Son
“Do you ever listen to me?” “What?” Read more →
Kids in America
The woman cutting my hair today tells me her son’s favorite things to watch are horror movies — he really likes The Evil Dead — and The Simpsons. Did I mention that her son is 4-1/2 years old? Read more →
You’ve Got a Problem
You know you’ve got a problem when: You take your stroller-age child to an amusement park and you’re buying a beer at 11:30 in the morning; or You are the stroller-age child. I was at California Adventure yesterday and I saw this happening over and over . . . Read more →
Come On!
The Kumon (pronounced KOO-mon) learning centers are very popular here in Irvine, where parents are always looking for ways to give their kids a one-up on somebody else’s kids . . . Read more →
A Riddle
Q: What do a 10-year-old boy and a 4-month-old dog have in common? A: When you ask them to do something they don’t want to do, they just look at you like they’re unable to understand human language . . . Read more →
Phraseology
“Pride goeth before a fall,” my son says, as he stuffs a slice of pizza into his mouth. “Really?” I ask. “What does that mean?” Read more →
Doggie Love
My wife was talking to a fellow dog-walker at the park this morning. The woman asked her, among other things, does she work, and my wife said no. That was good, the woman replied, because it really raises her hackles when people buy a dog and then leave it alone all day while they’re at work. What an astounding statement! Read more →
Genius or Geek?
I was explaining to my boy how to generate a web page from a database, so I can display it different ways, add new stuff, and not have to rewrite the HTML . . . “I can see why you’re excited about that,” he said, “but I can’t really get excited about it myself because I’m not a computer gee—genius.” “Did you just say ‘computer geek’?” “Almost.” Read more →
Wholesome Authority
Then there were the Romans — whose greatness was probably due to the wholesome authority exercised by the head of a family over all its members. Some Romans had even killed their children; this was going too far, but then the Romans were not Christians and knew no better. — Samuel Butler, The Way of All Flesh Read more →
Market Recap for Dummies
Explanations of daily changes in aggregate stock market indices are among the most ridiculous, speculative, and uncertain causal inferences made by journalists. — Edward Tufte My son was looking over my shoulder as I checked my online portfolio tracker . . . The Dow was down, the Nasdaq was down, the S&P was down, all the stocks I own or track were down, nothing but red numbers from top to bottom. Read more →
Lewis vs. Clark
My son is doing a 5th grade research paper on William Clark, of Lewis and Clark fame. “Clark was a much better man than Lewis,” he says. “Why do you say that?” I ask. Read more →
Paradigm Shift
One of the 5th grade girls had a birthday party, to which a select few boys were invited. A boy we’ll call Freddie — who was not invited, even though his best friend Eddie was invited — was overheard to say: This is not right! If Eddie is invited, I have to be invited! It seems like only yesterday — in fact, I think it was only yesterday — that none of these boys would be caught dead at a party hosted by a girl . . . Read more →
How Annoying Am I?
“You know how annoying you are, Dad?” “Not really . . . how annoying am I?” “You’re off the flowchart.” Off the flowchart?! Read more →
At the Cotillion
It’s the evening of the Irvine Cotillion for January, and my son is trying to figure something out . . . Read more →
When Technology Falls Into the Wrong Hands
Here’s what happens when a 10-year-old gets hold of a digital camera. And there’s lots more self-portraits where that came from, including the ones he took of his own butt, which are his personal favorites. Read more →
Happy New Year!
The rest of the family got up early and went to the Rose Parade. I stayed home and watched it on TV with the dog. This is what the parade looks like to a 10-year-old. Read more →
Why I Hate Stretching at Home
When I do my stretching regimen at the gym, I don’t have a self-appointed, jive-talking personal trainer, age 10: — You call dat a stretch? We got a big problem here. — Is dat da best you can do? — What in da name a Jimmy da Jet kind of a stretch is dat? — Who’s Jimmy the Jet? — I dunno. Who is he? Read more →
My Kid Got a Dawg for Christmas
My kid got a dog for Christmas — a Pug. His name is Lightning. The dog’s, that is, not the kid’s. Pugs take the cake for “cute,” judging by the reaction of every woman or girl who sees one. Oh, he’s so cute! Oh, he’s so precious! Read more →
Reverse Performance Anxiety
My son had a very nice piano recital last weekend. He played the right notes, he played the quiet parts quiet and the loud parts loud . . . and yet he had never once, to my knowledge, practiced the piece at home without playing it too loud, too fast, and having a simulated nervous breakdown if anything was said to him about it. I’ve Googled this all day and I can’t figure it out . . . Read more →