That is the difference between me and you. You pack an umbrella, #30 sun goo And a red flannel shirt. That’s not what I do. I put the top down as soon as we arrive. The temperature’s trying to pass fifty-five. I’m freezing but at least I’m alive. Nothing on earth can diminish my glee. This is Florida, Florida, land of euphoria, Florida in the highest degree. You dig in the garden. I swim in the pool. I like to wear cotton. You like to wear wool. You’re always hot. I’m usually cool. You want to get married. I want to be free. You don’t seem to mind that we disagree. And that is the difference between you and me. — Laurel Blossom Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Men
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Males over the age of 10 who lower their pants at public urinals . . . Read more →
Pain is Nothing
Pain means nothing to a man, as Hemingway used to say. Before he shot himself . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Men who schedule haircut appointments, especially men who schedule haircut appointments for weekday afternoons. Men who use the word “diva” in reference to their cat. Read more →
Marilyn Monroe Was a Size 12 and Einstein Was a Moron
I saw this photo today on Facebook with a comment added by the poster: “She was a size 12.” I’m an empiricist. Maybe “empiricist” is a polite word for what I am. I hate things that don’t make sense. Marilyn Monroe being a size 12 is one of those bits of misinformation that lives forever because a lot of people would like for it to be true. And yet, anyone who’s ever seen Marilyn Monroe — her full figure — in a movie or photo would notice that she had a very small waist and was obviously NOT a size 12. So I commented that while Marilyn’s point is well taken, on her worst day she was not a size 12. The original poster replied, “Of course none of this is verifiable at this point, but your comment does not help empower those who are inspired by this ‘fact,’ no matter… Read more →
For Some Things, You Need a Man
80 Percent Of Lightning Strike Victims Are Male, But Why? — NPR Same reason all of your top executives are men — because we’re risk takers and we don’t run and hide under our blankies at the first sign of danger. Read more →
Don’t Make Me Laugh
A new study says that men are funnier than women — but just barely. — latimes.com Men are a lot funnier on average, a few women are very funny, and women who have a reputation of being funny, like Lucille Ball or Carol Burnett, are usually not funny at all. Read more →
Aside
Drew Magary: “I do what I fucking want, which should be the first and last stupid retarded ‘man law’ ever.”
Some of You Pricks Should Be Billionaires
Disagreeable Men Earn More Than Nice Guys — Harvard Business Review Read more →
Thomas Jefferson on Weinergate
Rep. Weiner of New York — one of the 13 original colonies — has been sending photos of his penis to women in Texas, Washington and other points west. When I was president, Texas and Washington weren’t even part of the country, and if I wanted to show a woman my dick, she had to be right there in the room with me.1 And still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress. Yes, I could have made a sketch and sent it through the mail but that could take weeks. Read more →
Overheard
HER: Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. HIM: I hate you because you’re a bitch. Read more →
Too Much Collegiality
The men’s and women’s restrooms at our office face each other across a hallway. Neither one of them has a double-door entry for privacy. If you push open the door to the men’s room, you’re looking at a row of sinks, but if you’re coming out of the men’s room at the same time someone opens the door to the ladies’ room, you’re looking right at the stalls, including ankles and feet if anyone’s in them. I’m all for collegiality in the workplace, but isn’t this overdoing it? Even at home, I don’t mind if people close the bathroom door . . . Read more →