If they want to. If it’s important to them. For example: My kid has played hockey most of his life. We know some families where all the kids — boy or girl — play hockey, and almost all of them are good players. I don’t know any families where all the kids play hockey and they’re all bad. Those families have decided for some reason that it’s important for kids to play a good game of hockey. Another example: We live in a school district with a lot of Asian families. They don’t care about hockey. In Asian families, it’s important for the kids to be good at academics and music. You don’t see a lot of Asian guys in the National Hockey League, but you do see a lot of Asian kids at our nation’s best universities. It’s a parenting challenge — getting kids to assign importance to the… Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Parents
Have More Than One Kid
If you put all your eggs in one basket, it’s easier to keep an eye on that basket, but it’s hard to let go of it . . . Read more →
Move-In Weekend
It’s Sunday night. We moved the boy in yesterday, had dinner with him tonight, and tomorrow morning, we’re going home without him. I’ve had some emotional ups and downs this weekend as I cross the gulf between youth and old age. I almost cried five or six times. I feel great about Berkeley. It’s a college town all the way. Men, women and children are decked out in Cal gear for miles around. We live in Irvine, which also has a UC campus, but it’s not the same atmosphere at all. “That’s because no one wants to go to UC Irvine,” the boy said. I feel good that he already knows some people. His best friend from high school is his dorm roommate. We met a couple of other high school classmates, one at a pizza place and one in the parking lot of the guest house. We met friends… Read more →
Lasts
My boy leaves for college tomorrow, so this is my last day as a live-in dad. I’m happy for him but I’m sad that something I’ve enjoyed so much is ending. It’s one thing to say, “I’ll be able to deal with that day when it comes,” and it’s another thing to find yourself at that day, dealing with it . . . Read more →
A Sound Sleeper
A girl who’s going to be a senior at Northwood came over to the house this morning to borrow my son’s AP U.S. History study guide. He took the class last year. Last night, he told his mom to wake him up at 8:30. At 9 this morning, there was a knock on the front door. The boy pulled on a baseball cap, took out his retainer, pasted a big smile on his face and answered it. He gave the book to the girl and she gave him a doughnut. When she left, he went back to bed. “Wake me up at 11:30,” he said to his mom. “What are you going to do in college when I’m not there to wake you up?” she asked. “I’ll be fine.” His mom and I have been waking him up for 18 years. The past few days, he’s started setting an alarm… Read more →
A Long and Short Explanation of Why Borders Books Went Out of Business
Borders, unable to find a buyer willing to get it out of bankruptcy, plans to close its remaining 399 stores and go out of business by the end of September. — msnbc.com “When Borders started up 40 years ago,” I explain to my son, “there was a certain percentage of the American public that bought books and read them. “It wasn’t nearly as large as the percentage who preferred to sit on their fat asses and watch television but it was there. There was a profit to be made from it. “Today, if I tell someone about a book I’m reading, they look at me like I’m confessing a perversion. Reading a book?! “Not only does no one read books but if anyone does get a notion in their head to read one, they’re likely to buy it online and/or download it onto a device. “The market for people who… Read more →
Work-Life Balance Doesn’t Exist
Look, we know the baby boomers failed at work-life balance. We know it doesn’t exist. So let’s just start talking about things that are real. . . . You can have kid-centered days or you can have career-centered days. You can’t have both. Let’s just stop lying to ourselves because it’s not helping anyone. — Penelope Trunk Read more →
Plato in 90 Minutes
I’ve never gotten anything out of trying to read Plato, and yet you keep hearing that he’s essential to an understanding of man’s existence, so I thought I’d check out a secondary source for guidance: Plato in 90 Minutes by Paul Strathern. I’m on page 10 when my son says, “That’s taken you longer than 90 minutes.” He looks over to see how far I’ve gotten. “Page 10,” he scoffs. “It’s not 90 minutes from when you buy the book,” I say. “You understand that, right? You have to give me some time to actually read it.” Read more →
My Boy Turns 18 Today
He had a bunch of friends over last night playing poker. After midnight — actually closer to 1 a.m. — he informed me that he was making his first decision as an adult. “We’re going out for burritos,” he said. Read more →
Hockey Parents I Have Known
My kid has played hockey most of his life. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last 12 or so years at practices, games and tournaments with other hockey parents. I’ll miss the parents who watch and wait without calling attention to themselves, don’t over-celebrate, and encourage their kids while pretending not to be nervous or sad. I won’t miss the obsessive, out-of-control loudmouths, or the parents who were too drunk to be nervous or sad. Read more →
Just Like the Pros
The boy comes home from somewhere this afternoon . . . “Where have you been?” I ask him. “Playing basketball,” he says, as he heads into the kitchen for a beverage. “I’ve been trying to call you. Why didn’t you pick up your phone?” “Does Kobe pick up his phone during a game? Neither do I.” Read more →
NARCh 2011 – Travel Day
LA to Houston We’re waiting at LAX for a flight to Houston when a large black man in his 20s sits down near us in the waiting area. “I could take that guy one-on-one,” my kid announces. I’m about to mention to him that not every big black dude is necessarily a basketball player when he says, “Wait a minute, isn’t that Mario Williams?” I have to admit to him that I wouldn’t recognize Mario Williams if I saw him. He pulls up a photo of Mario Williams on his iPhone. “Yeah,” I say, “that does look like him.” “And he’s waiting for a flight to Houston? That’s got to be Mario Williams.” The final clue is that the guy is decked out in Adidas gear from head to toe. A Google search for “mario williams adidas” on the iPhone reveals that Mario Williams has a sponsorship deal with Adidas.… Read more →
Any Lawyers Out There Want This Case?
The boys arrived back from their graduation trip, but missed their connecting flight in Philly, which seems to be the rule rather than the exception for U.S. Airways. They were able to get on a later flight — to Los Angeles though, not Orange County — so the parents drove out to pick them up at LAX at 11:45 p.m. “We should sue the airline,” one of the moms said. “That’s a good idea,” I replied, not because I thought it was a good idea, but because I wanted to hear the plan. “Five sets of parents have to drive all the way to Los Angeles,” she said. “Gas is expensive! Then there’s punitive damages. Frustration. Loss of income.” “How is there a loss of income?” “Some parents might have to work at night. You don’t know.” “How much do you think we should get — a million dollars?” “No,”… Read more →
Five Guys in Europe: Thank You, Parents
It’s a video update! Read more →
Tiger Mothers
In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that “stressing academic success is not good for children” or that “parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.” By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be “the best” students, that “academic achievement reflects successful parenting,” and that if children did not excel at school then there was “a problem” and parents “were not doing their job.” Other studies indicate that compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams. — Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother Read more →
Lasts
Today is my last Fathers Day with a live-in kid. My boy and I have been walking a path together for 18 years and the time has come for him to set out on his own path. We are both headed into a great unknown . . . Read more →
Hashtag
My wife dominates the Twitter landscape with almost 1,000 followers . . . “I have to say something to my followers about my son going to college,” she says. The boy overhears this and pipes in: “My only child is leaving for college in two months. Hashtag sadbutproud.” Read more →
All Politics is Local
California Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed a state spending plan today (June 16) that would have deepened the cut in financial support for the University of California by another $150 million for the coming fiscal year. — University of California – UC Newsroom In principle, I like cuts in public education funding, but since I have a kid entering the University of California in the fall, I applaud Gov. Brown’s commitment to high-quality yet affordable education via the UC system. Read more →
Graduation Still Life
Time passes. Listen. Time passes. . . . — Dylan Thomas, Under Milk Wood Unlike Paul Cézanne, I didn’t spend hours setting this up. I captured it just the way it looked when I came downstairs this morning. As one chapter ends, another begins. For the kids — most of them — the next chapter is college; for the parents, old age and death. Happy Thursday, everybody! Read more →
Pizza and Pessimism
“There’s a slice of pizza missing,” my son announces. When I got home from work, there were two slices left over from last night. I ate one and left one for him. “I calibrated my appetite for two slices,” he says. “The pessimist,” I say, “sees that there’s one slice missing. The optimist sees that there’s one slice left.” Read more →