I had a wisdom tooth taken out the other day. The oral surgeon, the first thing she said when she came in the surgery room was “Are those your real teeth in the front?” They are my real teeth so I said yes. “They’re not veneers?” “No.” “Do you drink coffee?” “No.” “Tea?” “No.” “Soda?” “I do drink a lot of sodas.” “Did you have them bleached?” “I did a number of years ago. Now I just throw some Crest whitening strips on there a couple times a year.” “You should be in a toothpaste commercial.” I don’t know if she was flirting with me. It’s been so long since anyone’s done that that I don’t know what it looks like anymore so I didn’t bring it up. “What are we doing today?” she asked, while looking over my X-rays. I think she already knew but I said “Taking out… Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Teeth
Questions and Concerns at the Dentist
After my dental appointment, the hygienist asks me, “Do you have any questions or concerns?” I say, “Oh I’ve got a ton of questions and concerns.” Pause. “Did you mean about my teeth?” “Those are the only ones I can help you with.” “Well . . . no, nothing along those lines. Thanks for asking though!” Read more →
Anything Bothering You?
“Anything new?” the dental hygienist asks. “Anything bothering you?” “Oh my god yes,” I reply. “The media coverage of Trump, for one thing.” “I meant with your teeth,” she says. “Oh my teeth are fine.” Read more →
At the Dentist
“Any pain or sensitivity?” the hygienist asks. “Oh my gosh yes . . . wait, you mean in my teeth?“ Read more →
Are You Experienced?
I got my teeth whitened today. Ah, vanitas vanitatum! “Have you done this before?” the esthetician asked me. “No . . . have you?” Read more →
At the Dentist
Twitter: 2009-08-18
If you can substitute toothpaste for spackle, can you substitute spackle for toothpaste? Might be good for whitening your teeth… # RT @paulandstorm: [S] Today's trillion-dollar idea: patent the concept of "technology" # Read more →
Girls are a Distraction
My son’s looking forward to February when his braces come off . . . “Throw some Crest whitening strips on there and the sky’s the limit as far as girlfriends are concerned,” he says. “Girls are a distraction right now,” his mom says. “You need to focus on academics.” “Mom’s right,” I say. “Having a wife or a girlfriend is like taking a 5-year-old to the mall. You can’t go as fast as you want to because the 5-year-old can’t keep up the pace. And you’re not going to be able to accomplish the things you want to accomplish . . .” “Don’t give the boy a bad attitude,” she says. “. . . because the 5-year-old is . . .” “Whatever you’re going to say . . .” “. . . monopolizing your attention . . .” “. . . don’t say it.” “. . . with her juvenile… Read more →