“I want to believe. And I want others to believe.” “Why?” “I want them to be happy.” “Let them drink a little vodka then. That’s better than a make-believe.” “The vodka wears off. It’s wearing off even now.” “So does belief.” — Graham Greene, Monsignor Quixote Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Sit down and be quiet. You are drunk and this is the edge of the roof. — Rumi
Aside
Daily Affirmation: If you’re reading this, then nothing you’ve encountered so far has killed you.
A Message for My Followers
Do not let swallows nest in your roof, and under no circumstances are you to eat your own dog. Read more →
NARCh 2011 – Day 4
Semifinal: Devil Dogs vs. Tour Stealth Both teams played a strong game. The Devil Dogs gave up the first goal, evened it up at 1-1, then allowed the go-ahead goal with about four minutes left. They had some chances to tie it back up but couldn’t make it happen. Stealth added an empty-net goal with two seconds left. Final Score: Stealth 3, Devil Dogs 1 Semifinal: Choice Inline Selects vs. Top Gun I didn’t see this game because I was watching the Devil Dog semi so I can’t tell you anything about it other than the final score. Final Score: Selects 4, Top Gun 2 Bronze Medal Game: Devil Dogs vs. Top Gun Three of the four teams in the semifinals win a medal — gold, silver or bronze. One team — the loser of the bronze medal game — doesn’t. Coming into this game, I was trying to… Read more →
Amy Winehouse, 1983-2011
Amy Winehouse found dead aged 27 in London home — The Observer I know what they say about death and taxes but I don’t want to be “found dead.” It sounds dismal. For musicians, 27 seems to be a good age to die. Read more →
NARCh 2011 – Day 3
Devil Dogs vs. Tour Roadrunners 93 (NY) The Devil Dogs came into the fourth and final round-robin game with two wins and a loss, needing at least a tie to clinch a playoff spot. The game didn’t start off well for the Dogs. They trailed 3-1 after the first period, their goalie had let in a bad goal on a long slapshot, and they’d missed on some good scoring opportunities. They were also coming off a disappointing loss the night before, so I was proud of their mental toughness in coming back to tie the game 3-3 with about three minutes left. A Roadrunner player took an untimely penalty with 1:37 left in the game. The Dogs were able to control the puck on the power play until, with 11 seconds remaining, they scored on a one-timer off a cross-rink pass for the game-winning goal. Final Score: Devil Dogs 4,… Read more →
NARCh 2011 – Day 2
Two more round-robin games today, morning and evening . . . Devil Dogs 6, Detroit Mission Stars 2 Devil Dogs played a great game, best I’ve seen them play this season. ISCA Grizzlies (NJ) 5, Devil Dogs 3 The Grizzlies are a good, fast team. That said, the Devil Dogs played a subpar game. Tomorrow is a critical day. Final round-robin games in the morning, after which the top teams start the single-elimination playoff rounds. By the end of the day, only four teams will be left standing. If the Devil Dogs win their last round-robin game, they’ll be in the playoffs at 3-1. If they lose, they’ll be 2-2 and could still get a low playoff seed, but it will be a close call . . . Read more →
NARCh 2011 – Day 1
Devil Dogs 5, MKS (Colombia) 1 The Devil Dogs played their first round-robin game today. Latin American roller hockey teams typically have a) raucous supporters, b) kids who look suspiciously old for their age, and c) an up-tempo style of play like they’re jacked up on coke, which they probably are. The first time you see this, you say to yourself, or to someone sitting next to you, “There’s no way they can play at that speed the whole game. They’ll wear themselves out.” But sure enough, they do play that speed the whole game. Having said that, the MKS kids all looked age-appropriate, and while they had some fast players, they didn’t maintain the non-stop, end-to-end pace that I expected. Read more →
NARCh 2011 – Travel Day
LA to Houston We’re waiting at LAX for a flight to Houston when a large black man in his 20s sits down near us in the waiting area. “I could take that guy one-on-one,” my kid announces. I’m about to mention to him that not every big black dude is necessarily a basketball player when he says, “Wait a minute, isn’t that Mario Williams?” I have to admit to him that I wouldn’t recognize Mario Williams if I saw him. He pulls up a photo of Mario Williams on his iPhone. “Yeah,” I say, “that does look like him.” “And he’s waiting for a flight to Houston? That’s got to be Mario Williams.” The final clue is that the guy is decked out in Adidas gear from head to toe. A Google search for “mario williams adidas” on the iPhone reveals that Mario Williams has a sponsorship deal with Adidas.… Read more →
“Now . . . This”
“Now . . . this” is commonly used on radio and television newscasts to indicate that what one has just heard or seen has no relevance to what one is about to hear or see, or possibly to anything one is likely to hear or see. . . . There is no murder so brutal, no earthquake so devastating, no political blunder so costly–for that matter, no ball score so tantalizing or weather report so threatening–that it cannot be erased from our minds by a newscaster saying “Now . . . this.” The newscaster means that you have thought long enough on the previous matter (approximately forty-five seconds), that you must not be morbidly preoccupied with it (let us say, for ninety seconds), and that you must now give your attention to another fragment of news or a commercial. — Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death Read more →
Huxley Was Right
In Huxley’s vision, no Big Brother is required to deprive people of their autonomy, maturity and history. As he saw it, people will come to love their oppression, to adore the technologies that undo their capacities to think. What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one. . . . Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. — Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death Read more →
This Goes to Show You the Importance of a Good Night’s Sleep
“MMMMFFF! AAUUGGHHHH!” “What’s the matter?” “I’m so sleepy, I put face cream on my toothbrush!” “Did you also rub toothpaste on your face?” “Not yet.” Read more →
Any Lawyers Out There Want This Case?
The boys arrived back from their graduation trip, but missed their connecting flight in Philly, which seems to be the rule rather than the exception for U.S. Airways. They were able to get on a later flight — to Los Angeles though, not Orange County — so the parents drove out to pick them up at LAX at 11:45 p.m. “We should sue the airline,” one of the moms said. “That’s a good idea,” I replied, not because I thought it was a good idea, but because I wanted to hear the plan. “Five sets of parents have to drive all the way to Los Angeles,” she said. “Gas is expensive! Then there’s punitive damages. Frustration. Loss of income.” “How is there a loss of income?” “Some parents might have to work at night. You don’t know.” “How much do you think we should get — a million dollars?” “No,”… Read more →
What Happened to the Hippies? Where Are They?
On behalf of UC Berkeley we are sending this message to Cal families to update you on recent news regarding the 2011-12 tuition . . . A 9.6 PERCENT TUITION INCREASE!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A BUNCH OF GODDAMN HIPPIES WHO DON’T CARE ABOUT MONEY! Read more →
Northwood 2011 College Decisions
Unlike highly recruited athletes, kids who are highly recruited academically don’t get to go on TV and turn over hats so everyone knows what college they’re going to. Northwood doesn’t have highly recruited athletes, so there’s a Facebook site where they can check in and state their college choice. Also unlike athletes, who are evaluated on a 5-star scale, Northwood students are evaluated on a 3-star scale, according to the commencement program that I have right here in front of me: *** = Highest honors (4.3 GPA or above) ** = High honors (4.0 or above, but below 4.3) * = Honors (Not sure; close to a 4.0 but not quite there) It looks like Cal got the best recruiting class this year with three 3-star prospects and no one lower than 2 stars. USC and Stanford each got one 3-star recruit, as did Harvard and Yale. To the kids… Read more →
Five Guys in Europe: Thank You, Parents
It’s a video update! Read more →
Aside
Sounds Better Than it Really Is Award: Free Slurpee Day — It turns out that a “slurpee” is actually a beverage . . .
Aside
If you’re fat, don’t say you “work out,” just say you “exercise.”
Five Guys in Europe: When in Rome . . .
. . . pay attention to these helpful tips. Read more →