Author Archive: Paul Epps

If Stieg Larsson Wrote Don Quixote

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The last two novels I’ve read are Don Quixote and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Don Quixote has no plot. Event follows event but it all grows naturally out of character and conditions. The characters are immortal, independent of time and place. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is nothing but plot. It’s a good plot but none of the characters are interesting outside the confines of the story. They certainly have no sense of humor. Cervantes takes 900 pages to allow his two principal characters to reveal themselves through their words and actions. Larsson just blurts everything out: Erika was an organizer who could handle employees with warmth and trust but who at the same time wasn’t afraid of confrontation and could be very tough when necessary. She and Mikael often had differing views and could have healthy arguments, but they also had unwavering confidence in each other,… Read more →

A Sherlock Holmes Christmas

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My kid comes home and sees three newly wrapped Christmas presents . . . “That’s a book,” he says, pointing at one of the presents. Then moving on to the other two: “I don’t know what that is, and I don’t know what that is. I’m on to you guys.” “What are you on to?” I ask. “The fact that you don’t know what’s going on? You only got one thing out of three. Nice work, Sherlock Holmes.” “The clues don’t always come all at once,” he says. “I’m a third of the way there.” Read more →

My Family’s Guide to Failure

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At a recent family gathering, someone whom I won’t name here recommended to my son, a high school senior, that he start looking for a community college to attend for a couple of years before transferring to a four-year school. “That’s a good idea,” I said. “Do you have any more good ideas? Maybe he should punch himself in the face really hard.” One of the things I love about my boy is that when he does something, he puts his heart into it. He takes on the risk of failure. The safe approach — and historically the preferred method in my family — is to do things indifferently, fail, then announce that you weren’t really trying and that you could have succeeded if you’d wanted to.” We have family members who — despite, to my knowledge, having never done or said an intelligent thing in their lives — never… Read more →

Tips on Working with Slimeball Recruiters

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I got a call at the office this week . . . “Hi, Mr. Epps. This is Eric O’Neal. How are you doing today?” “I’m okay. Who are you?” “I’m with a company here in Newport Beach. My team specializes in placing highly competent technical personnel and . . .” “What company is that?” “I’m with Jobspring Partners and I understand that you’re looking to hire a C# ASP.NET contractor.” Let me interrupt for a second to mention that all of these slimeballs seem to have the same quirk of introducing themselves in three parts: 1) Name. 2) I work for a placement company. 3) The name of the company. It must be part of the training. No one ever says “This is Eric O’Neal with Jobspring Partners” all in one piece. Major red flag when a recruiter doesn’t want to tell you who he or she is working for.… Read more →

Just Say No to Meetings

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No one likes meetings, but we can’t stop having them — The Work Buzz Many of my co-workers say they spend too much time in meetings. I notice that they keep going to the meetings though. If I really thought I was spending too much time in meetings and I kept going anyway, I would have to question my own integrity. Read more →

Design Questions

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How does one design an electric motor? Would you attach a bathtub to it, simply because one was available? Would a bouquet of flowers help? A heap of rocks? — Professor Bernardo de la Paz Read more →

The Most Promiscuous Women

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The most promiscuous women are those who have been punched, believe homosexuality is not wrong, and spend time in bars. The least promiscuous women are those who are patriotic and spend time in church. — Steven Landsburg Read more →

Fun with Spell Check

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I was writing an email this morning with the phrase “smart, motivated team players” but I misspelled it as “smart, moticated team players.” Outlook’s spell check suggested three possible corrections: motivated, medicated and masticated. We’re chewing ’em up and spitting ’em out! Read more →

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