Author Archive: Paul Epps

Things I Love to Do on a Hot Summer Evening

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My son’s going into 11th grade next week. He’s got a couple of honors classes, a couple of AP classes, Spanish 3 and a music class. It looks like a very tough schedule to me — he’s also got college entrance exams this year — but that’s where his academic history has brought him and he says he wants to do it. One thing I didn’t know about AP classes is that they start giving kids assignments during summer vacation. He’s working on ’em right now! He asked me for a little help on the physics assignment so I get to do two things I love to do on a hot summer evening: sip premium tequila on ice with a lime, and solve problems like this: A kangaroo jumps to a vertical height of 2.7m. How long is it in the air before returning to Earth? Oh I’m in heaven! Read more →

Hotel California

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I’m reading one of those “year in history” things for 1976 — Legionnaire’s Disease, Apple Computer founded, Hotel California released . . . wait a minute . . . Hotel California was released in nineteen-SEVENTY-SIX?! Oh my gosh . . . oh my gosh . . . As a sidebar, I’m disappointed in the Eagles for signing Michael Vick. Does he even play an instrument? Read more →

Twitter: 2009-08-31

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If you leave the final s off the word assess, spell-check will not flag it as an error. This was an accidental discovery, like penicillin. # I saw a kid walking around today wearing a ski cap. A SKI CAP!? IT'S 93 DEGREES! Wearing SKIS would make more sense! # Read more →

Ted Kennedy and Mary Jo Kopechne

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The most fitting eulogy I’ve read for Senator Kennedy . . . A Senator from Massachusetts has left office in the only manner possible for an incumbent Democrat, i.e., in a coffin. The New York Times leads off their story on Ted Kennedy’s death with “his sometimes-stormy personal life.” When I think of Ted Kennedy, though, my first thought is always sadness at the death of Mary Jo Kopechne, a promising young woman killed by Kennedy, who waited more than eight hours before seeking help for her rescue. One expects politicians to impoverish constituents with reckless spending; one does not expect them to kill constituents. . . . [Some friends asked today how I would have summarized Ted Kennedy’s biography, if not the way the New York Times did. I observed that he had spent his entire life either as the child of a wealthy family or as a government… Read more →

What Makes Me Mad

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You know what makes me mad? People asking me, “Are you mad about something?” If I’m mad about something, I’ll tell you I’m mad about something. When someone asks me if I’m mad about something, it makes me think they know something I should be mad about. From now on, when someone asks me if I’m mad about something, I’m going to say yes. And when they ask what I’m mad about I’m going to say, “You know what I’m mad about.” Read more →

Twitter: 2009-08-27

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RT @PeteCarroll: congrats to matt barkley on being named our starting qb… let's rip it matt! http://bit.ly/o7hbG (@USCRipsIt) # RT @OCWeekly: We round up our top five favorite things to eat at Disneyland: What'd we miss? http://bit.ly/15dKgE # Read more →

Appeasement

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There’s a point at which realism shades over into weakness . . . It’s hard to avoid the sense that Mr. Obama has wasted months trying to appease people who can’t be appeased, and who take every concession as a sign that he can be rolled. — Paul Krugman   As we all know, you can’t appease terrorists. Oh wait, sorry–appeasing terrorists is worth a try. It’s Republicans you can’t appease. — Best of the Web Today Read more →

Personal Space

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The guy at the Green Burrito drive-thru leans all the way out the window and almost into my car to ask, in an Eastern European accent, “Can I get you any taco sauce or something?” Uh, no thanks, Miroslav. I know different cultures have different ideas about personal space but here in America we like you to stay inside the window and just talk to us from there . . . Read more →

Dwight Howard’s Reality

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[Dwight] Howard has also expressed the desire to have his own reality show. Here’s a suggestion: The show should focus on Howard’s learning how to make savvy passes when he’s doubled, how to shoot a short-range jumper and how to make free throws. That’s the kind of reality that the young man should be interested in. — Charley Rosen Read more →

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