Author Archive: Paul Epps

Twitter: 2009-09-17

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Best practices premised on good results in the long-term but ppl R rewarded based on the results they got last quarter. http://bit.ly/aH7Vt # RT @OCWeekly: Halloween plans for Disneyland: New fireworks show, SPACE MOUNTAIN GHOST GALAXY + more – http://bit.ly/26pBZ1 # RT @GettyMuseum: Monkeys wearing hats? Green strawberries? Explore imaginative world of marginalia http://bit.ly/pHFh9 Check out interactive # Signed up for a free shot at work. They tried to stick a *needle* in me. # Jimmy Carter says criticism of Kanye is racially motivated… # Read more →

Soft Drinks

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It seems like there always someone trying to put a damper on my enjoyment of super-size soft drinks . . . “Soda is bad for your brain,” my son says. “The brain is mostly water and soda dehydrates it.” “How does soda dehydrate my brain,” I ask, “considering that soda is mostly water?” “I don’t have all the facts on that,” he says. So at least he’s honest. “If you don’t mind,” I say, “I’m going to keep drinking the sodas until you have them.” Read more →

False Advertising

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There’s a sign in the Taco Bell/KFC drive-thru advertising a “Value Drink” for 99 cents. It looks like a pretty sweet deal because the cup is at least three feet tall. “How big is the Value Drink?” I ask the drive-thru voice. “16 ounces,” she says. “Really? It looks a lot bigger than that on the sign.” “It’s a trick,” she says. “That’s not the actual size.” “In that case,” I say, “just give me a large Diet Pepsi.” Read more →

Chimes of Freedom

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Tolling for the aching ones whose wounds cannot be nursed For the countless confused, accused, misused, strung-out ones and worse And for every hung-up person in the whole wide universe And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing. — Bob Dylan, “Chimes of Freedom” Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on Healthcare Reform

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My fellow Americans — Did you watch President Obama’s healthcare speech tonight? Neither did I. But I did learn from msnbc.com’s First Read that he hoped in his speech to explain to ordinary American voters — “call them Joe and Jane from Kansas City” — that his health-care reform will 1) cover nearly everyone and 2) cut costs in the long run. So let me get this straight — we’re going to spend money to save money! Does he think everyone in Kansas City is that stupid or just Joe and Jane? What — you don’t believe we can insure 50 million more people and cut costs at the same time? Well then, you’re an uninformed kook! You’re scared that those cost savings will come from drastically rationing access to care, particularly for people who are chronically ill and/or near the end of their lives? You’re un-American! Probably a Nazi!… Read more →

Twitter: 2009-09-09

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Best Undergrad College Degrees by Salary – http://bit.ly/qaRn1 # Lowest paying college majors – http://tinyurl.com/lnx5fn # RT @capricecrane: Enough already, Mr. Gosselin. We hate your wife too, so we just stopped talking about her all together. Give it a shot. # Read more →

Frozen Yogurt

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I like to wrap up my visits to Souplantation with a serving of frozen yogurt but I can’t today because the yogurt machine is out of service. My son is unsympathetic. “If you want yogurt,” he says, “you go to Yogurtland. If you want soup and plants, you come to Souplantation.” Read more →

An Impersonal Recommendation

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I had a 40-percent-off coupon for Borders that expired today so we stopped by to see if they had any good computer books in stock, which they did. At the checkout, the woman asked me if I’d like to get a recommendation for a novel. “Yeah sure,” I said. I was pretty excited about the idea because I thought they’d look at my purchase history and figure out something I might enjoy. Instead she recommended Home by Marilynne Robinson, which was displayed on the counter right in front of me. “Are you recommending that just for me,” I asked, “or you recommend it to everyone?” “We recommend it to everyone,” she said. What a sham! “I’m going to pass on that,” I said. “There really hasn’t been a good female novelist since Jane Austen.” My son, who was standing next to me, added, “And even she was kind of boring.” Read more →

11th Grade Reading List

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My son and I went to Barnes and Noble in Irvine this weekend to buy the books on his 11th grade Euro Lit reading list: A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf, Candide by Voltaire, One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, and The Stranger by Albert Camus. “Have you read any of these books?” I asked the checkout girl. “I’ve read Candide and Pride and Prejudice,” she said. “Candide is fun. Virginia Woolf is kind of a downer though, isn’t she? Didn’t she kill herself? “She did,” the girl admitted. “Doesn’t that set a bad example for the kids?”   The Irvine store didn’t have the edition of Ivan Denisovich that the boy needed but the guy at customer service was able to call around and find a copy at the Aliso Viejo store. The boy was beside… Read more →

It Was Hot

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It was HOT today at the Coliseum — not quite as hot as it’s been all week, and there was a bit of a breeze — but it was HOT. During the game, there was a roar behind us that sounded like a jet flying past outside the stadium. The second time it happened, my son figured out what it was. When the Goodyear blimp flew over the west end of the stadium, it cast a moving shadow over the stands (see photo). The roar was a rolling cheer from sweltering people who all of a sudden found themselves in the shade for a couple of seconds . . . Read more →

A San Jose State Fan

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There were some San Jose State fans at the game . . . as we were walking in, we saw a guy wearing a blue and gold T-shirt that said “The Only Trojan I Need Is On My D*ck” (The asterisk was actually on the shirt. Wouldn’t want to offend anyone.) “Enjoy the game,” I said to him. Final score: USC 56, SJS 3. Read more →

Good Seats

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We had good seats at the USC game today — Section 13, Row 1, right next to the field. Now you might say, like my son did, that they would have been better on the 50-yard-line, but there are a couple of good things about those seats. One is that they’re right next to the tunnel where the players come on and off the field, as do the song girls, the band and Traveler, so you get to interact with people — talk to the girls, high-five the guy on the horse, etc. The other good thing is that the Trojans scored 6 out of 8 touchdowns in the west end zone right in front of us. That’s my wife, me and a kid who looks a lot like my son except that he’s smiling. If you’re wondering about all the empty seats, the photo was taken near the end… Read more →

Matt Barkley

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We saw Matt Barkley play his first college football game today, a 56-3 win over San Jose State. If he turns out to be as good as a lot of people think he is, that will be a cool thing to remember . . . Read more →

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