Author Archive: Paul Epps

I’m Afraid People Will Laugh at Me

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London’s Evening Standard from 1966: “Three girls, one of them named Twyla Tharp, appeared at the Albert Hall last evening and threatened to do the same tonight.” So what? Thirty-seven years later I’m still here. — Twyla Tharp, The Creative Habit I was at Borders over the weekend and found the Twyla Tharp book. I wasn’t looking for it. It was on the Software Development shelf. It shouldn’t have been there but it was, so I felt that it was my destiny to buy it and read it. It was meant to be . . . Read more →

I Have Some Fundraising Ideas

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My son’s roller hockey team is going to Toronto in July for NARCh. We’re batting around fundraising ideas to help defray the cost of the trip. How about an old-fashioned kissing booth? Kiss a hockey mom for $10! Or a pie toss! Throw a pie in the face of a hockey mom for $10! Better yet — dealer’s choice! Kiss a hockey mom or throw a pie in her face — $10. And we’ll throw in a package deal: A kiss and a pie — in either order! — for only $15! Surprisingly, only one of the moms thinks this is a good idea . . . Read more →

Microblog: 2009-05-03

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RT @USCTrojans_com: Track. USC Sweeps Dual Meet For The First Time Ever http://cli.gs/3sDpya # RT @Lileks: Swine flu now goes from person to pig. http://bit.ly/xHgwj Finally, one for our team. In! Your! Snout! # Read more →

I Can’t Read The Sign

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I’m driving my son to hockey practice . . . at Barranca and Culver, an Asian kid is holding a sign with an arrow and something written in Chinese. Or Korean maybe. “Wow,” I say, “that is racist. I’m being totally excluded from the activity, whatever it is. If he had a sign saying ‘No Whites Allowed,’ it couldn’t be any more racist.” “Maybe that’s what it says,” my son suggests. “Good point.” Read more →

Do Not Do What Someone Else Could Do

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Do not do what someone else could do as well as you. Do not say, do not write what someone else could say, could write as well as you. Care for nothing in yourself but what you feel exists nowhere else. And, out of yourself create, impatiently or patiently, the most irreplaceable of beings. — André Gide Read more →

Microblog: 2009-04-30

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Don’t talk about improving efficiency or productivity without defining your unit of measure. # Kelly McGillis is GAY?! http://is.gd/vHmp When she was naked in Witness I had an erection lasting more than 4 hrs and had to call my doctor # Read more →

Now It’s Tomorrow

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Phoenix has achieved the unwelcome distinction of becoming the first major American city where home prices have fallen in half since the market peaked in the middle of the decade, according to data released Tuesday. — Home Prices Continued Their Decline in February – NYTimes.com Money quote from Greg Swann, a Phoenix real estate agent: “We were living during the boom like there was no tomorrow. And guess what? Now it’s tomorrow.” Read more →

It’s Not Their Destiny

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And there was like a fierce wind that was pushing me, just to do this one thing like nobody had ever done it before. . . . But you know, popular music. It doesn’t attract people who are in it for the right reasons. They’re not called to do it. It’s not their destiny. — Bob Dylan Read more →

The Sad Life of the Goalie Parent

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Spring season just started for high school roller hockey. My son’s team has two goalies, one who’s really good and a backup who’s not ready yet to play at this level. The coach started the backup goalie at this week’s game. He gave up eight goals and the team lost. His mom was sitting next to my wife during the game. “I wish they’d take him out,” she said. She was almost crying. I am so glad my son doesn’t play goalie. Every kid makes mistakes and every kid has bad games but the highs and lows for goalies are too extreme. Read more →

Getting Pissed Off

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My son tells me that when he has a hockey game, he’s now going to start getting pissed off as soon as we leave the house so he’s in the right frame of mind for the game. I can’t see how being pissed off is going to help anyone play better, but I think he’s sort of kidding. Anyway, we’re leaving for the rink . . . his mom made him a bowl of beans and rice to eat on the drive over. He takes one bite and says, “This meal SUCKS!” “Is this part of your new ‘get pissed off’ strategy?” I ask him. “The rice is SOGGY!” His phone buzzes. “Who is sending me a friggin’ TEXT message?” Read more →

Need a Boost?

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We’re wordsmithing a confirmation email that we send out to new members of our association. One problem I have with it is that we talk about our mission being to “enhance the quality of nursing care” and then in the next sentence we talk about members receiving “enhanced benefits.” Do we need to use “enhance” in every sentence? What’s the difference between “benefits” and “enhanced benefits”? Maybe we could just say “benefits” and leave it at that. No, our customer care analyst says we really do offer “enhanced benefits” above and beyond the usual benefits, so we need a synonym for “enhance” if we don’t want to use it twice. I’m thinking we could say “improve the quality of nursing care” or we could say “boost the quality of nursing care.” “Improve” is clearly better but I just love the sound of the word “boost.” They’re not booing, they’re saying… Read more →

Rated M for Mature

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My son and I are watching a TV commercial for the Resident Evil 5 video game. “Rated M for Mature,” the commercial says. “Is anyone who plays video games really ‘mature,’” I ask, using finger quotes to emphasize “mature.” No reaction from the boy, a video game player himself. “You see what I mean?” I ask him. “No,” he says. Read more →

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