Author Archive: Paul Epps

The Sad Life of the Goalie Parent

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Spring season just started for high school roller hockey. My son’s team has two goalies, one who’s really good and a backup who’s not ready yet to play at this level. The coach started the backup goalie at this week’s game. He gave up eight goals and the team lost. His mom was sitting next to my wife during the game. “I wish they’d take him out,” she said. She was almost crying. I am so glad my son doesn’t play goalie. Every kid makes mistakes and every kid has bad games but the highs and lows for goalies are too extreme. Read more →

Getting Pissed Off

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My son tells me that when he has a hockey game, he’s now going to start getting pissed off as soon as we leave the house so he’s in the right frame of mind for the game. I can’t see how being pissed off is going to help anyone play better, but I think he’s sort of kidding. Anyway, we’re leaving for the rink . . . his mom made him a bowl of beans and rice to eat on the drive over. He takes one bite and says, “This meal SUCKS!” “Is this part of your new ‘get pissed off’ strategy?” I ask him. “The rice is SOGGY!” His phone buzzes. “Who is sending me a friggin’ TEXT message?” Read more →

Need a Boost?

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We’re wordsmithing a confirmation email that we send out to new members of our association. One problem I have with it is that we talk about our mission being to “enhance the quality of nursing care” and then in the next sentence we talk about members receiving “enhanced benefits.” Do we need to use “enhance” in every sentence? What’s the difference between “benefits” and “enhanced benefits”? Maybe we could just say “benefits” and leave it at that. No, our customer care analyst says we really do offer “enhanced benefits” above and beyond the usual benefits, so we need a synonym for “enhance” if we don’t want to use it twice. I’m thinking we could say “improve the quality of nursing care” or we could say “boost the quality of nursing care.” “Improve” is clearly better but I just love the sound of the word “boost.” They’re not booing, they’re saying… Read more →

Rated M for Mature

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My son and I are watching a TV commercial for the Resident Evil 5 video game. “Rated M for Mature,” the commercial says. “Is anyone who plays video games really ‘mature,’” I ask, using finger quotes to emphasize “mature.” No reaction from the boy, a video game player himself. “You see what I mean?” I ask him. “No,” he says. Read more →

NARCh Qualifier

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My son’s roller hockey team is playing in the NARCh qualifier in Irvine this weekend: one round-robin game tonight @ 10:10, one round-robin game tomorrow night @ 11:40, then the teams get seeded for single-elimination play on Sunday . . . Read more →

The Giving Tree

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From the weekly Northwood High School bulletin: Do you like reading? Do you like children? Do you like children but not reading? Or reading but not children? Come to the Giving Tree meetings every Monday in Mr. Emery’s room 1103. Read more →

Microblog: 2009-04-21

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RT @diablocody: Specifically, porny ’70s-inspired one-pieces are in. Or “maillots,” if you will: http://store.americanapparel.net/rnt44.html # USC Song Girls Swim with Mike: http://www.bustedcoverage.com/?p=13898 # RT @NoReinsGirl @internetcases: Dear CIA: I’m an American citizen, & U have my permission 2 waterboard terrorists as many times as U want 2. # Read more →

My Kid Gets a New Nickname

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The counselor also stressed that colleges are looking for well-rounded kids, not just academic standouts. “If you’re talking about well-rounded kids, you’re talking about Casey,” I said. “He’s like a sphere, that’s how well-rounded he is.” “That can be his new nickname,” she said. “Sphere.” “I like it!” Read more →

Microblog: 2009-04-20

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Carrie Fisher on her core audience: Alcoholics, addicts, gay (both sexes), mentally ill & people named Erica – http://twurl.nl/hvswww # You know my motto: I never metacognitive I didn’t like. # Temps are soaring in the OC. Treated myself to an ice-cold lemonade at lunch… # @NoReinsGirl That’s why I stockpile rum, coke and ice. Emergency preparedness! in reply to NoReinsGirl # Read more →

The Best Counselor Ever

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We were at Northwood High today for an academic planning session with my son and his counselor. One of the things the counselor went over in the college prep handbook was a section on interview tips. “At a private school like USC,” she told the boy, “you can schedule an interview with them if you think that will help your candidacy.” “UCLA won’t let you do that,” I added. “They don’t want to talk to you.” I went through the application process at both schools so I know all about it. “None of the UC schools will do an interview with you,” she said. “It’s very impersonal,” I said, “like if the DMV ran a university.” “It’s worse. At the DMV, eventually you’ll get to talk to someone.” “By the way,” I said, pointing to a “Joey Ramone, 1951-2001” poster on the wall, “do you think Joey Ramone is a… Read more →

Metacognitive

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My son’s got an assignment to write a “metacognitive” for English — basically a short essay describing the thought process he went through in writing a longer essay. “Let me know if you need any help,” I say. “You know my motto: I never metacognitive I didn’t like.” Read more →

At the Dinner Table

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My son looks at his plate . . . “What’s up with these little tomatoes?” he asks. “They’re cherry tomatoes,” I tell him. “I don’t like cherries,” he says. “They’re not cherries. They’re tomatoes.” “The flavor is different than regular tomatoes.” “They’re concentrated. They pack the maximum flavor per square inch. Or since we’re talking about volume, I guess I should say the maximum flavor per cubic centimeter. That’s why Mom bought them.” “Actually,” his mom says, “I bought them because they were on sale.” Read more →

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