Author Archive: Paul Epps

Imagine Finding Me

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Visual artist Chino Otsuka has created composite images of her past and present selves, like a digital time machine. This is so good. Otsuka’s work has restored my faith in humanity, which was pulverized a couple of days ago by the news that Ashton Kutcher has a million followers on Twitter. I have a rule of thumb about art and artists: If a normal person has no hope of seeing the point of your work without an accompanying explanation about you and your artistic “theory” — you suck. I look at Otsuka’s photos and with no words at all I’m immediately transported, I’m weeping with joy at the possibilities of life . . .   If, again I have a chance to meet, there is so much I want to ask and so much I want to tell. — Chino Otsuka If you could go back and meet yourself as… Read more →

Microblog: 2009-04-17

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RT @KathySierra: Time-travel via Photoshop–woman edits herself into her own childhood pics http://tinyurl.com/con4vn (thanks @ddmeyer !) # Thinking of doing IPC over the long haul? The laws of physics say you’re hosed: http://twurl.nl/n6a6r8 # @PeteCarroll As an SC alum I say 1) stick to football; 2) Don’t chase two rabbits; 3) Will Ferrell is not funny. in reply to PeteCarroll # Read more →

Taxes Make People Nuts

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One of the post offices here in Irvine is a best-kept secret . . . it’s off Culver Drive, down a side street and around a corner, basically in a residential area. It’s never busy because, unlike the post office on Sand Canyon, it’s not visible from a major street and most people don’t know it’s there. My wife emailed me at work yesterday morning to say that she went to that post office and tons of cars were lined up to get in, which reminded her that it was April 15. Not to worry though. We mailed our taxes on the 14th — to beat that last-minute rush. Twenty years or so ago, I was living in Hollywood and — on the evening of April 15 — filling up at a gas station just south of the freeway from Union Station. Beyond Union Station on Alameda St. is the… Read more →

Microblog: 2009-04-16

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I love California but if Texas secedes from the union, I might move there: http://twurl.nl/8wgzbz # At a stop light, driver in front of me starts making out w/girl in the passenger seat. Did I mention the driver is also a girl? # Read more →

O.J., Hulk and the Shaggy-Haired Pool Boy

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Hulk Hogan on his estranged wife and her new boyfriend, “some shaggy-haired pool boy 30 years her junior”: “You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife …. I totally understand O.J. I get it.” Look for the new reality show, “O.J. and Hulk: BFFs & Cellmates 4 Life,” coming soon to a closed-circuit prison camera near you. — Wonderwall Read more →

A Father-Son Day

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Everyone’s got armbands and 3-D glasses . . . — Elvis Costello Irvine schools are on spring break this week. I took a day off for father-son activities with my boy, age 15. As we were driving back from lunch at Wingstop, I said, “You want to see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3-D IMAX?” “Not particularly,” he said. I’d already decided that I did want to see it so I got off at the Irvine Spectrum exit. “I guess this means we’re going to see it,” he said. “You know what they say: Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time, but regret for the things we didn’t do is inconsolable.” “Oh shut up, Sophocles. It’s a movie for two-year-olds.” “No it isn’t. There’s a giant girl in it. It looks cool.” “I’ll be the combined age of everyone else in the theater.” We got there a… Read more →

Chivalry is Dead

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A man has died after catching his girlfriend as she jumped from the seventh floor of an apartment block in China. The young Chinese man, identified only by the surname Wang, held out his arms to break the woman’s fall as she plummeted from their apartment in Quanzhou in south-eastern China. Mr Wang was killed by the impact of his girlfriend landing on top of him, while the woman suffered bone fractures and other serious injuries but was not in critical condition. — PerthNow Read more →

Nut Cases on the Right vs. Nut Cases on the Left

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Liberalism . . . has been reduced to an elitist set of rhetorical formulas, which posit the working class as passive, mindless victims in desperate need of salvation by the state. Individual rights and free expression, which used to be liberal values, are being gradually subsumed to worship of government power. . . . For the past 25 years, liberalism has gradually sunk into a soft, soggy, white upper-middle-class style that I often find preposterous and repellent. The nut cases on the right are on the uneducated fringe, but on the left they sport Ivy League degrees. I’m not kidding — there are some real fruitcakes out there, and some of them are writing for major magazines. — Camille Paglia Read more →

The MIT Guy

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After shooting some hoops, we stop at Extra Mile for hot dogs and sodas. Something catches my eye about the clerk’s name tag — underneath his name, it says “MIT.” “Did you go to school at MIT?” I ask him. “No,” he says. “That means ‘Manager In Training.’” “Oh, that makes sense.” Convenience store clerk seemed like kind of a low-level job for a MIT grad. Read more →

Basketball Diary

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I was shooting some hoops at the park this afternoon with my boy, sort of guarding him so he could try out some moves. I suggested that when he drives past a defender, he should cut back into him to keep him from reaching out and making a play on the ball. He tried it again but still didn’t cut back into me with enough gusto. The third time, he overcompensated. Before he even got past me, he drove his shoulder into my solar plexus and knocked me off the end of the court. Did I mention he’s the same size as me and a lot younger? Ouch . . . I’m still feeling it right now. Read more →

Microblog: 2009-04-11

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Great video of Mississauga’s mayor, an 88-year-old former professional women’s hockey player: http://tinyurl.com/as2ca4 # RT @diablocody: “Mashing the star button” sounds inherently masturbatory. # I know someone like this – RT @NoReinsGirl: Next door home improvement project day 1,329. Finish already. # Read more →

Welcome to Mississauga

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My son’s roller hockey team is traveling to Mississauga this summer. One of the hockey moms found this video featuring the mayor, Hazel McCallion, an 88-year-old former professional women’s hockey player. I loved it! Read more →

I’ve Lost Another Friend

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I’m waiting for Jeff to get me the server uptime numbers for March when I see this Facebook update: Oh he loves those Facebook name applications. He’s got a Clown Name, a Smurf Name . . . I add a comment: Hey Buttons! I need those server numbers. Hop to it… He deletes my comment and deletes me from his friend list. His sidekick — the Barney to his Fred — also deletes me from his friend list. He does send me the server numbers though, so it’s OK. I’m results-oriented . . . Read more →

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