And when I die And when I’m dead, dead and gone, There’ll be one child born And a world to carry on, to carry on. — Laura Nyro, “And When I Die” It may seem like a small thing, but it’s the best thing I could do. I’ve raised — we’ve raised — and continue to raise, a boy who, at the age of 15, has exceeded me as a person in every way I can think of. He’s even taller than I am. So when I’m gone, he’ll take over my spot, and the world will be a better place . . . Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Life Imitates Dilbert
DOGBERT (running for president): I promise to take money from the people who don’t vote for me and give it to the people who do. — Dilbert, Aug. 11, 2007 WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama delivered Congress a $3.6 trillion budget blueprint Thursday that hopes to “break from a troubled past” with a sharp shift toward expanded government activism, tax increases on affluent families and businesses, and spending cuts targeted at those he says profited from “an era of profound irresponsibility.” — “Obama Delivers $3.6 Trillion Budget Blueprint,”, WSJ.com Read more →
Shmoop
I posted something on Twitter about helping my son with The Great Gatsby and got what you might call a spam reply from this girl, who said “have u tried http://shmoop.com for The Great Gatsby?” Evidently Shmoop, which I’d never heard of, has people hanging out on Twitter waiting for someone to mention a book, at which point they send back a “have u tried …” reply. Lest you think that’s a totally ineffective thing to do, I actually did click over to the Shmoop entry on The Great Gatsby, which starts off like this: The Great Gatsby is a delightful concoction of MTV Cribs, VH1’s The Fabulous Life Of…, and HBO’s Sopranos. Shake over ice, add a twist of jazz, a spritz of adultery, and the little pink umbrella that completes this long island iced tea and you’ve got yourself a 5 o’clock beverage that, given the 1920’s setting,… Read more →
Bank Error in Your Favor
A Swedish woman got the shock of her life when she found $US1.13 billion ($1.76 billion) more than expected in her bank account. — The Sydney Morning Herald Hmmm . . . where have I heard of this before? Oh yeah, I remember now . . . Read more →
You’re Getting Stimulated
OLYMPIA, Wash. — The state is sending out hundreds of thousands of $1 checks to the state’s neediest residents. It’s a plan that’s supposed to bring millions of dollars worth of food stamps to the state by March. When you add printing and postage, it seems like a waste, but the state says the economy has them pulling out all the stops to find money wherever they can. — The Olympian Yeah, it seems like a waste now — but wait till the Keynesian multiplier kicks in! Read more →
Headline of the Day
Taco Tuesday
Hangintherejack.com has coupons for two free tacos, valid ONLY today — Tuesday, February 24, 2009 — from 12:00 a.m. to 11:59 p.m. I know this because my son printed out a sheaf of them last night and asked me to take him to Jack in the Box at midnight for a bedtime taco snack. When that idea sputtered, he laid out his plan for today as follows: Drive through Jack in the Box on the way to school and get two free tacos for breakfast. Drive through Jack in the Box on the way home from school. His mom will get two free tacos in the drive-through lane while he gets out of the car, goes inside and orders two more free tacos. For dinner, repeat Step 2. Read more →
So You Want to Be a Writer
The world is what it is; men who are nothing, who allow themselves to become nothing, have no place in it. — V.S. Naipaul, A Bend in the River This book would be a great gift from a parent to a child who is interested in becoming a writer. When Junior discovers that winning the Nobel Prize in Literature at age 69 entails spending most of one’s decades depressed, impoverished, ignored, and bitter, he will likely knuckle under and agree to pursue radiology. — Philip Greenspun Read more →
The Facebook Comment I Didn’t Write
Here’s the status update I did post: Paul is shoehorning the limitlessness of life through the limitations of the present… A woman whose son plays on a roller hockey team with my son posted the following comment: Wow. That’s actually pretty profound & it took me a few seconds to process that! 🙂 And here’s the comment I didn’t write in response: That’s why I bring a book to hockey tournaments, so I don’t have to spend the time between games trying to talk to people who’d always be 5 seconds behind me. Read more →
It’s Not Safe to Live Here Anymore
IRVINE A man is dead — and his wife and son injured — after his daughter’s ex-boyfriend allegedly took the family hostage for five hours beginning late Friday, police said. — OCRegister.com That’s the second murder in town in the last two weeks! PACK YOUR BAGS HONEY! WE’RE MOVING TO SANTA ANA! Read more →
Facebook Competition
We don’t just want more friends than everybody else; we also want the highest score in Word Twist and the most virtual Easter Eggs. I recently spent nearly 24 hours playing Scramble on Facebook until I had a higher score than my friend Dough Dough. Why? Because I knew Facebook would send him a note that said; “Raina has beaten your personal high score on Scramble.” When he commented on his complete and total defeat, I just said; “I didn’t know Facebook would tell you that. OMG! LOL!” — Raina Kelley, “Seven Lies We Tell Ourselves About Facebook”, Newsweek.com Read more →
Ryan Davidson, 1993-2009
Ryan was one of the greatest competitors I’ve ever known and I’m so thankful for his inspiration. — Pete Carroll Ryan Davidson, a member of the USC family, passed away today on his 16th birthday. Very sad news . . . Read more →
Nerds
Someone left a box of Nerds on a cubicle wall in the IT department. (The door in the back left is my office!) What is that supposed to mean? We are not (just) nerds! Read more →
A Lesson in Trust
The dog has a stuffed bear he likes to sleep with. Unfortunately, it’s now bedtime and we don’t know where the bear is. “Have you seen his bear?” I ask my wife. “I think he had it upstairs,” she says. “Either in our room or Casey’s room.” “Upstairs” and “bear” are two of the words the dog recognizes so he’s already charged upstairs and waiting for me on the top step. I walk up and ask him, “Where’s your bear?” He runs into my room. We look around in there and can’t find it so we go down the hall to the boy’s room where he’s sitting on the bed doing homework. I say to him, “Where is it, you bear-stealin’ varmint?” He gets up and walks out of the room. “Thanks for the help,” I call after him. “Come on, Lightning, we’ll conduct the search without him.” A few… Read more →
Living on the Edge
I’ve just poured myself a Diet Pepsi when my son announces that diet sodas are unhealthy. “They add things to the diet sodas so they’re even more unhealthy than regular sodas.” I ask him, “What do they add?” “I didn’t get that far into it,” he says, “The article started to get boring.” “In that case, I’m going to go ahead and drink this thing.” Read more →
A Trade, Not a Steal
We were watching the NBA All-Star Game yesterday when someone — Marv Albert, I think — said that Pau Gasol was acquired in a “steal” by the Los Angeles Lakers. My son takes exception. “That wasn’t a steal,” he says. “It was a trade. Javaris Crittenton is a very capable player.” Read more →
I Got a Passport
I got my first passport yesterday. I can go anywhere! The world is my oyster! Although I really don’t like to travel . . . Some people get annoyed with me when I say that, including members of my own family. It doesn’t make sense to them. My mom, for example, has been to like 30 countries. Maybe 50, I can’t keep track. For me, I start out thinking I’d be happier somewhere else but after I’ve spent all the time and money to get there, I realize I’m still the same person with the same problems I had at home. Not to mention the possibility of being drugged, robbed and killed, or hit by a tsunami. I’m not saying there’s nothing positive about travel. It’s just not worth the investment . . . Read more →
Don’t Tase Me, Bro
Physicist who invented the Taser gun dies — OCRegister.com Come to find out, the guy who invented the Taser lived right here in Orange County, in Mission Viejo! I’m shocked! Read more →
Happy Valentine’s Day
Who knew Carrie Fisher has a blog? — I happen to be the possessor of a very big personality . . . When I date someone, I generally have about three months of a personality available and then I finally come to the end of it. I need to refuel, I short-circuit. And then whoever I’m with shows up, and a lot of the times I don’t like him so much. Now wait, I just got a little quieter and what’d you just say? You didn’t read this? You’ve never seen that? You don’t know who that is? You really think that about me? He bothers me – not that I’m so great, but the enchantment wears off, and then the sleeping giant wakes up and says, “Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of someone dumb.” Read more →
The Art of the Possible
The role of the economist in discussions of public policy seems to me to be to prescribe what should be done in light of what can be done, politics aside, and not to predict what is “politically feasible” and then to recommend it. — Milton Friedman Take out the references to economics and public policy and you can probably apply the “what should be done in light of what can be done” approach in your own work. It’s the art of the possible . . . Read more →