We’re having dinner at Chili’s, and long before the food arrives, my kid has already informed me that I should have ordered meat instead of a salad, and that he can’t believe how quickly I ordered a refill on my soda. “Are you going to micromanage the whole meal for me?” I ask. “I can’t see how it makes any difference to you what I order or how fast I drink my soda, but somehow it does.” “It shows how much I care,” he says. Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
So Much for Dominating the White, Black and Hispanic Kids
My son and I are watching a Citibank commercial in which a woman in Japan drops her son off for his first day of school. As his mom starts to walk away, the boy looks back anxiously . . . “What’s the Asian kid nervous about?” my son says. “He’s going to get better grades than the rest of the kids anyway. Oh wait, all the other kids are Asian too. Ouch.” Read more →
Foundations of Mediocrity: Scheduling
My primary complaint about scheduling is simple: that people are willing to proceed as if they can look into a crystal ball about the future. They act as if they can plan out the future. As if they can control the future. It’s the control part that really gets to me. It bugs me because it’s a false belief. It’s simply not true. You can not control the future, and the belief you can is just so destructive of creativity, teamwork, spontaneity and interaction among one another. This false belief is just a complete energy zapper, an unwholesome energy sink. — Michele McCarthy This transcript of a Jim and Michele McCarthy podcast is the best discussion of scheduling I’ve read today, maybe ever . . . Read more →
Self-Reliance
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else, to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another. God will not have his work made manifest by cowards. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Speak what you think now… Read more →
You Are Free to Choose
At the time the book [Brave New World] was written this idea, that human beings are given free will in order to choose between insanity on the one hand and lunacy on the other, was one that I found amusing and regarded as quite possibly true. — Aldous Huxley Read more →
The Rev. Jerry Falwell, 1933-2007
In memory of the Rev. Falwell, here’s one of my favorite Woody Allen quotes, from Hannah and Her Sisters But the worst are the fundamentalist preachers. Third-rate con men telling the poor suckers that they speak with Jesus. And to please send in money. Money, money, money! If Jesus came back and saw what is going on in his name, he’d never stop throwing up. Farewell, Falwell! Read more →
It Can’t Hurt That Much
I was telling my son about a woman in Arkansas who’s about to give birth to her 17th child. Her oldest is 19. “Doesn’t that hurt?” the boy asked. “I wouldn’t know,” I said, “but it can’t hurt that much if you’re willing to do it 17 times. It can’t hurt as much as, say, a kick in the groin, because after I took one kick in the groin, I wouldn’t sign up to take 16 more.” “The pain goes away, you know.” “Are you suggesting that I would be willing to take 17 kicks in the groin?” “Over a 19-year period, yeah.” “Agree to disagree.” Read more →
Inspiration Point, Laguna Beach
Originally uploaded by david888lee. Read more →
We Don’t Need No Gantt Charts
One challenge we’re facing is that some high level executives are now concerned over how the project is progressing and want regular updates–they are used to Microsoft Project GANTT charts, excel charts with deadlines and stop lighting (e.g. yellow light, we’re behind schedule but it’s not critical). How do we map our agile process into the traditional project plans used by upper management for their corporate planning? — Mark A. Herschberg At the Deep Agile seminar he and I did, Jeff Sutherland told of being asked for a GANTT chart or such. He asked the execs in question how accurate those charts were. They replied that they were never accurate. He declined to do them. — Ron Jeffries Read more →
The Baby Pugs
Originally uploaded by laputa. Read more →
Fortune Cookies
Last weekend, we had dinner at a Chinese place with some of my in-laws. As usual, my son and I were left at one end of the table to entertain ourselves while the rest of the group chatted with each other in Thai. Near the end of the meal, the boy started reading through the fortune cookies and ad libbing the messages: “‘If you’re reading this, you’re most likely Asian, which means your mom will yell at you a lot.’ ‘This fortune cookie is stale. You’re not going to like it.’ ‘You will fulminate in 10 seconds.’” “Fulminate?!” I said. “It was one of my vocabulary words.” Read more →
Money Changes Everything
When I went to Boston, I knew they won championships but didn’t really know the history. But the players always came around, you’d ask questions, they’d talk basketball. You didn’t want to let the guys down. They set the bar high. It’s not like that here [in Indiana], or around the league. We stay at the nicest hotels. In Minnesota we’re right across the street from the arena, maybe a 45-second walk. They’ve got a bus for them. You’ve got to be kidding me. Charter planes. That’s not flying. I always say guys deserve the money, but it changes some people. — Larry Bird Read more →
Redundancies
When the government says ‘Islamic militants,’ it sends a message to the public that Islam and militancy are synonymous. — Sohail Mohammed, a lawyer who represented scores of detainees after the 9/11 attacks. No, that’s not correct. What law school did you go to? If Islam and militancy were synonymous, then you could just say “Islamic” or “militants” and “Islamic militants” would be redundant, like “past history” or “unexpected surprise.” So actually, when the government says “Islamic militants,” it sends a message that Islam and militancy are not synonymous, although you can’t help noticing that most terrorists are in fact Islamic . . . Read more →
The Perfect Boss
In addition to the timely pay for acceptable services he offers, there are a few additional conditions that he imposes on you, if you are one of his subordinates. These are: What actions you take, you believe in. What commitments you make, you keep, What resources you have, you use. What words you say, you believe to be true. What you create, you intend to be great. He knows that if you buy something from an expert, you are wise to let them to deliver it on their own. . . . He requires that the team credibly believe itself to be doing something great, and also insists that all involved relentlessly pursue – and always adopt – what they think is the best available idea. . . . He never allows people to say, “People say…” If unidentified “people” have something to say, they can come say it.… Read more →
Responses to Tragedy
Dinesh DiSouza, a noted conservative pundit, was moved in the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shootings to say this: Only the language of religion seems appropriate to the magnitude of tragedy. Only God seems to have the power to heal hearts in such circumstances. . . . Atheism seems to have nothing to say to people when there is serious bereavement or tragedy. That’s not true. For example, one famous atheist response to tragedy is this: So it goes. DiSouza also forgot to add that if you leave out platitudes, pleasant myths and happily-ever-after fairy tales, religion has nothing to say to people either . . . Read more →
EppsNet Restaurant Review: Norm’s
I hadn’t been to a Norm’s restaurant in years. There isn’t one in my neighborhood. We discovered this one because it’s close to the new place where my son’s taking percussion lessons. Not only was the boy able to get two eggs, two sausages, two pieces of bacon, half a dinner plate full of hash browns, and two gigantic slabs of French toast with butter and syrup for only $5.99, he managed to polish off the whole thing before I even finished my salad. Excellent value! Rating: Five stars. Read more →
How Many Senators Does It Take …
Even when asked something noncontroversial, what he [Barack Obama] personally did to improve the environment, he said 3,000 campaign volunteers planted trees on Earth Day. With a prod from moderator Brian Williams, the NBC anchor, Obama added he’s “been working” to install energy efficient light bulbs at home. He sounded out of touch. — MSNBC Is this the new version of the old joke? How many senators does it take to “work on” changing a light bulb? One to propose a bipartisan commission. One to threaten to de-fund the light bulbs. One to demand the impeachment of Bush and Cheney for keeping us all in the dark. One to vote to pull out the first of the light bulbs by fall of this year with a view to getting them all pulled out by the end of 2008. — Mark Steyn Read more →
Lit Quizzes
New additions to the First Lines and Last Lines quizzes: First Lines Call me Ishmael. It was a bright, cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen. Buck did not read the newspapers, or he would have known that trouble was brewing, not alone for himself, but for every tidewater dog, strong of muscle and with warm, long hair, from Puget Sound to San Diego. Last summer I happened to be crossing the plains of Iowa in a season of intense heat, and it was my good fortune to have for a traveling companion James Quayle Burden–Jim Burden, as we still call him in the West. The cold passed reluctantly from the earth, and the retiring fogs revealed an army stretched out on the hills, resting. Last Lines He loved Big Brother. At that, as if it had been the signal he waited… Read more →
Vox Clamantis in Deserto
As we’re driving home from a hockey tournament, my son and I see a car with a license plate frame that reads DARTMOUTH VOX CLAMANTIS IN DESERTO “Is that the kind of thing they teach you at Dartmouth?” he asks. “Apparently,” I say. “Doesn’t seem very useful.” “No, it doesn’t,” I have to admit. Read more →
Not as Unstoppable as Advertised
For a guy who’s supposed to be the most dominant, unstoppable player of his generation, Shaq has certainly been on the wrong side of some lopsided playoff losses: 1994: Indiana def. Orlando, 3-0 1995: Houston def. Orlando, 4-0 1996: Chicago def. Orlando, 4-0 1997: Utah def. Los Angeles, 4-1 1998: Utah def. Los Angeles, 4-0 1999: San Antonio def. Los Angeles, 4-0 2004: Detroit def. Los Angeles, 4-1 2007: Chicago def. Miami, 4-0 To be fair about it, he did win NBA championships in 2000, 2001 and 2002 with the Lakers, and in 2006 with Miami. Read more →