A Slate article confirms my 20-year suspicion that Garfield the witless comic strip is just an adjunct to Garfield the marketing empire, rather than the other way around: Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Meet the Press
Contacts between Iraqi intelligence agents and Osama bin Laden when he was in Sudan in the mid-1990’s were part of a broad effort by Baghdad to work with organizations opposing the Saudi ruling family, according to a newly disclosed document obtained by the Americans in Iraq. . . . Read more →
One Thing Bill Clinton and I Have in Common
. . . I was once the only kid at an Easter egg hunt who didn’t get a single egg, not because I couldn’t find them but because I couldn’t get to them fast enough. — Bill Clinton, My Life Read more →
One Never Knows
A former neighbor of ours, a man about my age with two young children, was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. His doctor says he has a year to live. A friend of mine from grad school died recently of stomach cancer, age 38. He too was married with two young daughters. One never knows when the blow may fall . . . Read more →
Clinton on Iraq
After 9/11, let’s be fair here, if you had been President, you’d think, Well, this fellow bin Laden just turned these three airplanes full of fuel into weapons of mass destruction, right? Arguably they were super-powerful chemical weapons. Think about it that way. So, you’re sitting there as President, you’re reeling in the aftermath of this, so, yeah, you want to go get bin Laden and do Afghanistan and all that. But you also have to say, Well, my first responsibility now is to try everything possible to make sure that this terrorist network and other terrorist networks cannot reach chemical and biological weapons or small amounts of fissile material. I’ve got to do that. Read more →
This Just In
I’m listening to a radio ad in which a man purporting to be a medical doctor is pitching an herbal rejuvenator: Call now and I’ll send you my free report on aging and its effect on energy and sex drive! Let me guess: they go down . . . Read more →
I Sit By The Window
A loyal subject of these second-rate years, I proudly admit that my finest ideas are second-rate, and may the future take them as trophies of my struggle against suffocation. I sit in the dark. And it would be hard to figure out which is worse; the dark inside, or the darkness out. — Joseph Brodsky, “I Sit By The Window” Read more →
Meet the Press
. . . I do think there was what amounted to a kind of conspiracy to get the U.S. into a war against Iraq, if we define the term as a secretive plot involving a group within the government but excluding many important officials, who bent events and information to their undeclared purpose. Although you’d have to say it was a barely undeclared purpose. — Washington Post Associate Editor Robert G. Kaiser Is it really a secret conspiracy if it involves a congressional vote and 17 U.N. resolutions? Read more →
Obesity vs. Thought
Obesity Could Be More Widespread Than Thought — New York Sun I believe that. I run into a lot more fat people than thoughtful people . . . Read more →
What I’m Reading
When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in confederacy against him. — Jonathan Swift I’m reading a great, very funny book called A Confederacy of Dunces, written by John Kennedy Toole in 1963. Unfortunately, Toole could not find anyone willing to publish the book and subsequently killed himself in 1969 at the age of 31. Read more →
Lost and Found
We lost our dog the other morning. My wife thought the boy was watching him and he thought she was watching him . . . it turns out no one was watching him, so he ran out the front door and disappeared. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
That Wegman guy who dresses up the Weimaraners . . . I saw him on a TV commercial this morning. Enough already! Let’s move on! Dressing up a Weimaraner once is kind of funny, but if you’re going to spend your whole life doing it, somebody really needs to kick your ass. The same goes for Anne Geddes . . . Read more →
Abandoned
Abandoned buildings give me a weird feeling. Where are the people? Where’d they go? Dark Passage Modern Ruins Photographic Essays New England Ruins Read more →
Below and Above the Stars
Here’s one of the weirdest ideas I’ve heard today . . . Cinespia is screening the film Detour at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery: Bring blankets, picnic dinner and cocktails for this special screening below and above the stars. Read more →
What Would Jesus Download?
According to a survey commissioned by the Gospel Music Association, only 10 percent of born-again teens believe that copying CDs for friends and unauthorized music downloading are morally wrong . . . Read more →
A Promising Email Turns Disappointing
I got an email today with the subject line i’ve had eonugh of your bluslhit This should be great!, I thought. I don’t know what I’ve done, but some illiterate has had enough of it and is now going to settle my hash! Imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be just another ad for online pharmaceuticals . . . Read more →
Raising Kids and Dogs
I’m brushing my teeth in the bathroom when the dog, as he often does, runs in, jumps up, pulls the bath towels off the rack and starts shaking them around. It doesn’t do any real damage, but of course someone has to re-rack the towels. My son, who’s decided this morning that it will be funny to walk around shouting at everyone, walks in, surveys the damage and shouts at me, “Who let him do this? You?” Read more →
How to be Annoying
Your dad says: “Time to take a shower.” You say: “Customer service will be with you in a few minutes. Please hold.” Start humming a song . . . “Take a shower!” “Please hold!” Read more →
iet-Vay am-Nay ad-ay auseam-Nay
The candidate [John Kerry] offered his guests peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches, a daily staple for him on the road. His passion for PB&Js, Kerry told his companions, dated back to Vietnam, where he not only ate them frequently but traded them for other commodities. — “Kerry Escalating Use of War Veteran Status,” Los Angeles Times Read more →
World War II Memorial Opens
The National World War II Memorial opened today in Washington, D.C. My dad served in World War II. He’d be so proud and excited if he hadn’t been dead for 25 years. Read more →