Husband promises to break off affair with office receptionist if wife loses weight and gets breast implants. Wife schedules liposuction and breast enhancement. Husband fails to break off affair as promised. Wife runs over husband with car, killing him. Colorado mom leaves six kids, ages 6 to 14, home alone with food, a credit card and $7 in cash while she takes a two-week vacation to Italy with her boyfriend. Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Ansel Adams at 100
I took my family to see the Ansel Adams exhibit at LACMA. Adams’ work has always meant a lot to me. Wife: Why are all the pictures so small? Son: What time does the NBA Slam Dunk Contest come on? Wife: Are they all in black and white? Read more →
Never Trust a Golfer
A 68-year-old South Carolina man was arrested in the 1957 slaying of two Southern California police officers who were shot after they stopped a car for running a red light. According to the Associated Press: Gerald Fiten Mason was a solid member of his South Carolina community, a golfer who lived quietly with his wife of 40 years. I’ve always distrusted a man who plays golf . . . Read more →
Another Reason to Restrict TV Viewing
In a local “headless torso” case, two boys were arrested for killing their mom, then cutting off her head and hands to hinder identification of the body, a trick they picked up from watching “The Sopranos.” This is why I don’t allow a lot of TV viewing at my house . . . Read more →
Introducing a 9-Year-Old to Johnny Cash
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine I keep my eyes wide open all the time . . . “Really? How do you sleep?” Read more →
UCLA Hires Karl Dorrell
My son is watching SportsCenter in the other room . . . He says, “UCLA hired a new coach: Carlos Burrell!” By which I think he means Karl Dorrell. That is a great, great hire. I say that as a USC grad who was sorry to see Bob Toledo go. They might never beat the Trojans again . . . Read more →
How’s Business?
People often ask me: How’s the computer business? One thing I can tell them is that a significant number of my Merry Christmas emails from former colleagues end with something like this: P.S. Please let me know if you hear of any job leads as I am currently unemployed. Read more →
Christmas Wishes
After my son got close to 50 items on his Amazon Xmas wish list, I said it might be helpful to add a comment to the stuff indicating which things he wanted the most. Now most of the items include one of the following three comments: favorite extreme favorite!!!!!!!! very extreme favorite!!!!!!!!! With varying numbers of exclamation points . . . Read more →
Harvard Admits I Was Right
Got an email from Harvard this morning: Hello Paul, Thank you for catching the error on the Harvard at a Glance page. We now use the correct “principal.” Sincerely, The Harvard News Office You are quite welcome! How about throwing in free tuition for my kid? Read more →
Harvard Errs
I was marveling at the Harvard University fact page — 14.6 million volumes! Established 1636! — when I noticed “10 principle academic units.” Egads! A grammatical error on the Harvard site! I’d better send them an email . . . Read more →
Christmas at Starbucks
I noticed this weekend that Starbucks has rolled out the Christmas menu — Egg Nog Latte, Gingerbread Something-Or-Other . . . also that my local Starbucks has mounted a wreath on the inside of the entry door, anchored only at the top, so when you pull the door open, the wreath swings out and smacks you in the head. Merry Christmas! Ouch! Read more →
Lost in America
Nearly 30 percent of Americans ages 18 to 24 cannot locate the Pacific Ocean on a map. You can try it yourself here. Read more →
Youth
A boy’s will is the wind’s will And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts. — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “My Lost Youth” That’s a beautiful verse to me — not just what it says but the tempo of it . . . try reading it aloud and you’ll notice that you really need to slow down when you get to “long, long thoughts.” I have a boy of my own now, and I can also tell you that a boy’s heart is simple and pure, and just by asking him does he want to play some catch or something, you can make him the happiest person in the world . . . Read more →
Fat Gene
Fat Gene: It Really Exists — MSN.com I don’t believe this at all. There aren’t enough genes to cover all the human frailties we’ve blamed on genetic causes. Read more →
Overheard
The best thing about all the NBA players from Europe and Latin America is when they’re interviewed after the game, you can understand them. Read more →
World Series Recap
Two World Series tickets: $220 Parking: $10 Program: $10 Souvenir apparel: $104 Rally monkey: $15 Two hot dogs, two sodas, one pretzel: $17 Watching home team win World Series, with son, after 41 years of futility: Priceless, baby. My son is 9, a little older than I was when my dad took me to my first Angels game somewhere around 1966. Read more →
Going to the World Series
The conditions have been met. Within the hour, we’re leaving for Edison Field and Game 7 of the World Series. Read more →
Dusty Baker’s Kid
Isn’t Dusty Baker a little old to have a 3-year-old son? And if he wants to bring the kid to work, to sit him in the dugout during the World Series, couldn’t he for godsake keep an eye on the kid so he’s not running around home plate in the middle of play? I would have given anything to see that kid on the receiving end of a Ray Fosse-style collision. That would have been in my Top 10 Memorable Moments in Baseball for sure. Read more →
Tae Kwon Do
My son receives his tae kwon do black belt. Read more →
Whatever Happened To . . .
Day traders? Read more →