I can hear her heartbeat for a thousand miles . . . “That’s impossible!” Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Soccer Balls
Testicle cancer rates for World Cup nations ranked Like they say, here’s one that won’t show up in the box score . . . Read more →
Quietus
ORANGE COUNTY, CA – A 26-year-old Sacramento man was stabbed to death late Tuesday in front of a Garden Grove apartment where he was visiting residents, police said. — The Orange County Register Probably the only way to stop him whining about the Lakers-Kings series . . . Read more →
Watching the NBA Finals with a 3rd Grader
The Nets have new uniforms. See, it says ‘New Jersey’ right on the front. On Nets guard Lucious Harris shooting 2-for-23: “They’d be better off having Lucious Malfoy [a wizard in the Harry Potter books]. He could point his wand at the ball and make it go in the basket. Read more →
Another Difference Between USC and UCLA
NBC analyst Bill Walton attended UCLA. FOX Sports analysts Marques Johnson and Jack Haley also went to UCLA. Los Angeles Lakers owner Jerry Buss attended USC. Read more →
Coherence
The Vatican’s Fides news service weighs in on the fashion of wearing crosses decorated with diamonds and other precious stones: Is it consistent with the Gospel to spend millions on a copy of the sacred symbol of the Christian faith and perhaps forget that there are people all over the world who suffer and die of hunger? In other Church news, Time magazine’s report on church finances indicates that Boston’s Cardinal Law lives in a $130 million residence, the Detroit diocese owns an $18 million golf and conference center, and the Providence diocese owns a $22 million dollar mansion that it rents out for parties. Meanwhile, the cardinal of the Chicago diocese has to make do with a $10 million residence, which may need to be sold off to cover sex-abuse claims. Read more →
Embracing Couple Killed By Train
A young couple in New Jersey held hands and stepped in front of an Amtrak train, electing to be simultaneously obliterated in one final embrace. Relatives told The Associated Press that the couple were drug addicts who had been evicted from their apartment and saw suicide as their only way out, which takes a lot of the romance out of the story as far as I’m concerned . . . Read more →
Warhol’s Prophecy
I wish Andy Warhol was around to see that his most famous prophecy — that everyone will eventually enjoy 15 minutes of fame — came true with a vengeance. Talk shows opened the stage door to trailer park America, and now game shows are celebrating anyone who knows the capital of Spain or who marries a potential wife-beater on camera . . . — Michael Musto, Village Voice Read more →
The Modern Critic
‘This book [Judith Levine’s Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children from Sex] encourages children to have sex, and that is very, very dangerous,’ Bill O’Reilly said on his show. He also provided a sampling of the complaints against the book, calling it ‘vile,’ ‘disgusting,’ ‘insane,’ ‘perverted,’ ‘sick stuff,’ ‘outrageous,’ and ‘evil.’ (He also admitted on air that he hasn’t read it.) [Emph. added] — Hannah Rosin, “Lust Busters” Read more →
Dogfood
The netscape.com domain, which is owned by AOL, has replaced its Netscape-Enterprise servers with AOLServer. Repeat: netscape.com no longer runs on Netscape servers. Also: netscape.co.uk now runs Apache, while in France, netscape.fr runs Microsoft-IIS. Read more →
Senegal 1, France 0
In a historic upset, Senegal, making its first appearance in World Cup competition, defeats France, the defending champs. Senegal was a French colony until 1960. Ironically, France has previously scored a number of impressive victories against the African colonies, although it must be noted that they were competing with guns against spears in those matchups. Read more →
USC Alumni Notes
Trojans win 16th NCAA men’s tennis championship. Mark Prior strikes out 10 in major league debut with Cubs. Chandra Levy found. Read more →
Are You Being Served?
The Guardian sends writers to bookstores to test the staffs’ literary knowledge: I point to the word ‘jawbo’ on page 330 [of Joyce’s Ulysses]. ‘That’s not a word,’ I say. ‘Mmmm,’ he says. ‘It’s rare that publishers make a mistake like that.’ Read more →
Word of the Day
sang-froid, also sangfroid \sang-FRWAH\, noun: Freedom from agitation or excitement of mind; coolness in trying circumstances; calmness. Sang-froid is from the French; it literally means “cold blood” (sang, “blood” + froid, “cold”). Read more →
Ask a 3rd Grader
If Amelia Earhart were alive today, what do you think she would be doing? If Amelia Earhart was alive today, she would be doing things that are not dangerous because she would be 105 years old. Read more →
Welcome to Irvine!
Education is important in our community . . . Word came home last week that this year’s Stanford 9 testing starts the first week of May. Immediately, my wife got a call from another mom announcing that she’s cancelling all play dates through the end of the testing period so her kid can spend every waking moment on test prep. The gauntlet has been thrown! Meanwhile, in business news, thanks to the tech meltdown, office space vacancy rates in southern Orange County continue to hover around 30 percent. The screaming rent deals this creates were enough to induce the company I work with to pack everything up and move one off-ramp further south on the 405 . . . Read more →
Kidding Around
Parents who joke in a light-hearted fashion during tense or stressful situations may make their children feel more comfortable and accepted, less anxious, and more willing to communicate in a positive manner. This is according to a study done at Arizona State University. My kid’s reaction: “Go, Arizona State! If USC [where I went to school] is so great, why didn’t they figure that out?” Read more →
Road to Destruction
Road Accident in India Kills 21 The victims were Hindu pilgrims on their way to a temple to worship Shiva, the Hindu god of destruction. Read more →
Disqualification
Alessio Cioni, one of the finalists at the Rachmaninoff International Competition and Festival, not only did not win, he was actually disqualified for playing too poorly. Read more →
Are You Proud of Me Now?
Barbra Streisand’s mother died last week at age 93. The two had a strained relationship, as people sometimes do with their mothers. When Mom attended one of her shows in 1994 — she would have been 85 years old at the time — Barbra addressed her from the stage, saying, “Are you proud of me now, Mama?” I’m not a big fan of anything Barbra Streisand has ever done, but for articulating a lifetime of pain in seven words, you can’t do much better than that . . . Read more →