Peggy Lee dies at 81. No report as yet on her final words . . . Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Convergence
Kmart Files Chapter 11 Amazon Posts a Profit Read more →
Ted Demme
Director Ted Demme dies while participating in a celebrity basketball game. I can’t think of any plausible reason for attending a celebrity basketball game other than watching some fat cokehead keel over. Kudos, Ted! Read more →
Topics to Avoid
From ExecutivePlanet.com: England Do not make references to the mediocrity of British food, since it has now improved significantly. Read more →
Paul Lynde
I’d forgotten how funny this guy was. Here’s a link to Lynde’s best Hollywood Squares one-liners. Samples: PETER MARSHALL: Burt Reynolds is quoted as saying, “Dinah (Shore)’s in top form. I’ve never known anyone to be so completely able to throw herself into a . . . ” A what? PAUL LYNDE: A headboard. PETER MARSHALL: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us? PAUL LYNDE: I don’t know what you got, but I got a sports shirt. Read more →
Hockey is Fun!
Thomas Junta, a 275-pound “hockey dad,” was convicted of manslaughter for beating to death another parent, 156-pound Michael Costin, at a youth scrimmage. The point that Junta was trying to get across to Costin was that Costin’s sons were playing too rough and spoiling a nice, fun game of hockey. Way to go, Dad! Read more →
Disband Man
Former Netscape CEO Jim Barksdale is disbanding his venture firm, the Barksdale Group, after two years of operation. Many of the firm’s investments received favorable publicity mentions, none actually made any money, and some are defunct. This guy is the kiss of death . . . Read more →
Julia Phillips
Julia Phillips — producer (The Sting, Taxi Driver, Close Encounters of the Third Kind), author ( You’ll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again), cocaine addict — dies of cancer in West Hollywood, Ca. She was 57. Her book, a memoir of life in Tinseltown, made her an icon and a pariah simultaneously. “I wasn’t a pariah because I was a drug-addicted . . . rotten person [but] because I lit them with a harsh fluorescent light and rendered them as contemptible as they truly are.” Read more →
Don’t Tell Strom the Babysitter’s Dead
Strom Thurmond’s former babysitter dies at 109 Read more →
Overheard
Him: I’m going to Shooters tonight, if you want to go. Have you ever been there on Wednesdays? Her: I’ve been to Shooters. Him: Have you ever been on a Wednesday? Her: Actually, I try to avoid places like that. Him: I’ve never been either. My buddy wanted to go. Read more →
Students Lack Grasp of Science
Only one in five high school seniors has a solid grasp of science, according to the results of a national test released today. Related link: Having It All! Read more →
Perseverance
Cato began to urge that the only sure defense against a resurgent Carthage was to destroy it. Rome would never be safe so long as Carthage stood. He made a campaign of it: Carthago delenda est! — Carthage must be destroyed! In the 150s this was Cato’s slogan, repeated endlessly. At parties he would bring it up — Carthago delenda est! In the Senate he might be speaking on any subject, but always found a way to work in his slogan: the harbor at Ostia should be expanded . . . and Carthage must be destroyed! the appointment of Gaius Gaius to provincial governor should be approved . . . and Carthage must be destroyed! A vote of thanks to a loyal tribal chieftain . . . and Carthage must be destroyed! — Dr. E.L. Skip Knox, “The Punic Wars” Read more →
No Critics
I tried to conduct myself in such a way that I wanted my players to act. I think our youngsters, whether they be basketball players or our children at home, need models more than they need critics. — John Wooden Read more →
Milestones
For some things, you still need a man. Read more →
Harriet and Harriet
I couldn’t help noticing that Harriet Quimby is a lot prettier than Harriet Tubman. Read more →
“As I Walked Out One Evening” by W.H. Auden
As I walked out one evening, Walking down Bristol Street, The crowds upon the pavement Were fields of harvest wheat. [Read more . . .] Read more →
Classic Review
Fortunately, however, the chief damage done will be to the author himself, who thus dishonors his own physical nature; for imperfect though the race is, it still remains so much purer than the stained and distorted reflection of its animalism in Leaves of Grass, that the book cannot attain to any very wide influence. — Atlantic Monthly, Jan. 1882 Read more →
Last Words
“I’d like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass.” — Johnny Frank Garrett. Executed by injection, Texas. “I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” — Thomas J. Grasso. Executed by injection, Oklahoma. “Hurry it up you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you’re screwing around.” — Carl Panzram. Executed by hanging, Kansas. Read more →
Remember That
Motto on the wall at my son’s tae kwon do school: A Winner is never Excuse. A Looser is always Complain. Read more →
Absolutely Sweet Marie
Marie Antoinette misreads the mood of the peasantry: When we went to walk in the Tuileries, there was so vast a crowd that we were three-quarters of an hour without being able to move either forward or backward. The dauphin and I gave repeated orders to the Guards not to beat any one, which had a very good effect . . . When we returned from our walk we went up to an open terrace and stayed there half an hour. I cannot describe to you, my dear mamma, the transports of joy and affection which every one exhibited towards us. Before we withdrew we kissed our hands to the people, which gave them great pleasure. What a happy thing it is for persons in our rank to gain the love of a whole nation so cheaply. — Marie Antoinette, Letter to Her Mother, 1773 Read more →