Author Archive: Paul Epps

Fluffy Had Babies

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Last week, we bought a hamster. This afternoon, I got a call at work from my son, who was yelling something into the phone. On the third try, I understood it: “Fluffy had babies!” Read more →

I Fought the Law . . .

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Doreen Waddell, a former vocalist with the chart-topping 1980s British band Soul II Soul, died after being hit by several cars as she ran across a busy road. Police said it appeared she had been running from a supermarket after being confronted about shoplifting. Read more →

Ted Demme

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Director Ted Demme dies while participating in a celebrity basketball game. I can’t think of any plausible reason for attending a celebrity basketball game other than watching some fat cokehead keel over. Kudos, Ted! Read more →

Paul Lynde

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I’d forgotten how funny this guy was. Here’s a link to Lynde’s best Hollywood Squares one-liners. Samples: PETER MARSHALL: Burt Reynolds is quoted as saying, “Dinah (Shore)’s in top form. I’ve never known anyone to be so completely able to throw herself into a . . . ” A what? PAUL LYNDE: A headboard. PETER MARSHALL: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us? PAUL LYNDE: I don’t know what you got, but I got a sports shirt. Read more →

Hockey is Fun!

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Thomas Junta, a 275-pound “hockey dad,” was convicted of manslaughter for beating to death another parent, 156-pound Michael Costin, at a youth scrimmage. The point that Junta was trying to get across to Costin was that Costin’s sons were playing too rough and spoiling a nice, fun game of hockey. Way to go, Dad! Read more →

Disband Man

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Former Netscape CEO Jim Barksdale is disbanding his venture firm, the Barksdale Group, after two years of operation. Many of the firm’s investments received favorable publicity mentions, none actually made any money, and some are defunct. This guy is the kiss of death . . . Read more →

Julia Phillips

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Julia Phillips — producer (The Sting, Taxi Driver, Close Encounters of the Third Kind), author ( You’ll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again), cocaine addict — dies of cancer in West Hollywood, Ca. She was 57. Her book, a memoir of life in Tinseltown, made her an icon and a pariah simultaneously. “I wasn’t a pariah because I was a drug-addicted . . . rotten person [but] because I lit them with a harsh fluorescent light and rendered them as contemptible as they truly are.” Read more →

Overheard

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Him: I’m going to Shooters tonight, if you want to go. Have you ever been there on Wednesdays? Her: I’ve been to Shooters. Him: Have you ever been on a Wednesday? Her: Actually, I try to avoid places like that. Him: I’ve never been either. My buddy wanted to go. Read more →

Perseverance

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Cato began to urge that the only sure defense against a resurgent Carthage was to destroy it. Rome would never be safe so long as Carthage stood. He made a campaign of it: Carthago delenda est! — Carthage must be destroyed! In the 150s this was Cato’s slogan, repeated endlessly. At parties he would bring it up — Carthago delenda est! In the Senate he might be speaking on any subject, but always found a way to work in his slogan: the harbor at Ostia should be expanded . . . and Carthage must be destroyed! the appointment of Gaius Gaius to provincial governor should be approved . . . and Carthage must be destroyed! A vote of thanks to a loyal tribal chieftain . . . and Carthage must be destroyed! — Dr. E.L. Skip Knox, “The Punic Wars” Read more →

No Critics

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I tried to conduct myself in such a way that I wanted my players to act. I think our youngsters, whether they be basketball players or our children at home, need models more than they need critics. — John Wooden Read more →

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