For some things, you still need a man. Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Harriet and Harriet
I couldn’t help noticing that Harriet Quimby is a lot prettier than Harriet Tubman. Read more →
“As I Walked Out One Evening” by W.H. Auden
As I walked out one evening, Walking down Bristol Street, The crowds upon the pavement Were fields of harvest wheat. [Read more . . .] Read more →
Classic Review
Fortunately, however, the chief damage done will be to the author himself, who thus dishonors his own physical nature; for imperfect though the race is, it still remains so much purer than the stained and distorted reflection of its animalism in Leaves of Grass, that the book cannot attain to any very wide influence. — Atlantic Monthly, Jan. 1882 Read more →
Last Words
“I’d like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass.” — Johnny Frank Garrett. Executed by injection, Texas. “I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” — Thomas J. Grasso. Executed by injection, Oklahoma. “Hurry it up you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you’re screwing around.” — Carl Panzram. Executed by hanging, Kansas. Read more →
Remember That
Motto on the wall at my son’s tae kwon do school: A Winner is never Excuse. A Looser is always Complain. Read more →
Absolutely Sweet Marie
Marie Antoinette misreads the mood of the peasantry: When we went to walk in the Tuileries, there was so vast a crowd that we were three-quarters of an hour without being able to move either forward or backward. The dauphin and I gave repeated orders to the Guards not to beat any one, which had a very good effect . . . When we returned from our walk we went up to an open terrace and stayed there half an hour. I cannot describe to you, my dear mamma, the transports of joy and affection which every one exhibited towards us. Before we withdrew we kissed our hands to the people, which gave them great pleasure. What a happy thing it is for persons in our rank to gain the love of a whole nation so cheaply. — Marie Antoinette, Letter to Her Mother, 1773 Read more →
Fun Fact of the Day
If you leave the final “s” off the word “assess,” a spell-checker will not flag it as an error. This was an accidental discovery, like penicillin . . . Read more →
Why Is Everybody So Happy?
This is a story about customer satisfaction in the Internet age. Today’s Good Morning Silicon Valley brings this provocative item: Problems with Webvan? Mercury News reporter Joelle Tessler would like to talk to former Webvan customers dissatisfied with the company’s service. If that’s you, please drop her an e-mail at jtessler@sjmercury.com Is this for real?! Well, there’s one way to find out . . . From: Paul Epps Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2001 2:35 PM To: jtessler@sjmercury.com Subject: webvan Are you preparing an article on dissatisfied Webvan customers? How do you know they’re dissatisfied before you’ve talked to them? Who can the *satisfied* Webvan customers talk to? I’m in no way affiliated with Webvan, nor was I a customer, but this doesn’t seem fair. Apologies in advance if I’ve misread your intentions. From: Tessler, Joelle Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2001 2:39 PM To: Paul Epps Subject: RE: webvan I… Read more →
The Winchester House Effect
Background The Winchester House in San Jose was built by Sarah Winchester, heiress to the Winchester (“The Gun That Won the West”) Repeating Arms Company fortune. After her daughter and husband died, she came to believe that the family was haunted by the ghosts of people killed by Winchester rifles. She consulted a medium in Boston, who told her to move west and build a mansion that would never be finished. As long as she kept building, she would never die. (Whether or not you believe in spiritualists, you’ve got to give high marks here for originality.) In 1884, Mrs. Winchester moved to San Jose, which was then a rural community, and bought an eight-room farmhouse. She kept builders employed at the house 24 hours a day for the next 38 years, until her death in 1922. By that time, the house was four stories high (it had been seven… Read more →