Author Archive: Paul Epps

Mutual Admiration

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Our boy is very handsome, his mom says. She says she can’t understand how that happened. “You don’t think I’m handsome?” I ask. “We’re average-looking people, let’s be honest about it. You don’t agree?” “I think you’re very beautiful.” “You’re very handsome,” she says, after a pause almost too short to notice. Read more →

Frankie Ford, 1939-2015

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I have a quote for you on that “One-Hit Wonder” thing. I’d like to go on record right here saying, whoever that disc jockey was that coined that phrase, well he’s a no-hit wonder! I mean, it can get rude. A DJ did that to me one time in his introduction. I turned to him and said, “Well, you’re a no-hit wonder. What have you ever done?” Some people have five records that sell a million each. Some sell none. I’ve had one that sold 30 million! And I’ve outlived that one record. I’ve been 38 years at this and it’s still going. — Frankie Ford [youtube https://youtu.be/i5tIHtbctFQ] RIP, Frankie Ford Read more →

Ninja Death Touch

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Does anyone know if there’s a Ninja Death Touch Calculator available for Android? Asking for a friend . . . In the Dim Mak method, the Needle Finger can be calibrated to cause a delay of up to one year in the actual moment of death, depending on the force and direction of its application. But the timing is critical. Even a perfect blow to the correct meridian at the wrong time — might as well stay home and watch a Jackie Chan movie. Read more →

Aside

What is the hardest thing about living alone — having no one to blame or having no one to forgive?

What Are Friends For?

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View image | gettyimages.com A young man once approached Socrates and asked to be given knowledge and understanding. Socrates took him down to the seashore, led him into the water and forced his head under the waves. The youth struggled and when his resistance had nearly stopped, Socrates dragged him up on the shore. Later, the youth asked why Socrates had acted as he did. “When you were under the water, what was the one thing you wanted more than anything else?” asked Socrates. “Air,” was the reply. “When you want knowledge and understanding as badly as you wanted air,” said Socrates, “you won’t have to ask anyone to give it to you.” Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: People Married to Their Best Friend

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It’s not very romantic, first of all. Did Romeo and Juliet marry their best friend? Did Liz and Dick marry their best friend? Did Scott and Zelda marry their best friend? Did Rhett and Scarlett marry their best friend? A married person has to fill so many roles already: husband/wife, parent, sex partner, wage earner, handyman, cook, mental health professional, grammar coach, etc., etc., etc. A little help on the best friend front would be a welcome breath of fresh air. I don’t know who my wife’s best friend is and I don’t care, as long as it’s not me. Men: if you need a best friend, buy a dog. Read more →

It was ordained that you should suffer without purpose and without hope, but I will not let all your suffering be lost in the abyss. — Georges Duhamel, Vie des martyrs

25 Concepts to Facilitate Judicious Use of Psychiatric Drugs

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I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night . . . I also took a Colgate University class on medicating for mental health and judicious use of psychiatric drugs. A psychiatric medication is only one useful tool among a collection of useful tools. Remember to also consider non-drug options for therapy. The benefits of psychiatric medications are always accompanied by risk. Become familiar with the potential risk of your medication. Be alert to potential risks that might be intolerable to you. Establishing a diagnosis is a difficult and imperfect task, but it establishes the starting point for determining which treatments are appropriate. Engage your physician or a psychologist in a dialogue regarding the structure of your treatment program. Be an active participant in establishing the structure of that program. Having confidence that your treatment program will… Read more →

Another Thing I Like About Donald Trump

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I like to make sweeping judgments about people based on my assessment of how their kids turned out. A lot of kids from famous families are train wrecks. Trump’s kids, while a little odd-looking in my opinion (Ivanka excepted), are not. Kudos to Mr. Trump and his wives. Read more →

“Nature” is What We See

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“Nature” is what we see— The Hill—the Afternoon— Squirrel—Eclipse—the Bumble bee— Nay—Nature is Heaven— Nature is what we hear— The Bobolink—the Sea— Thunder—the Cricket— Nay—Nature is Harmony— Nature is what we know— Yet have no art to say— So impotent Our Wisdom is To her Simplicity. Read more →

Aside

There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand.

The Coffee Goes to 11

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We stopped in at the Nespresso coffee bar at Geary and Grant just before leaving San Francisco to drive back to Orange County. For the iced latte that I wanted, the menu offered a choice of three coffees ranked by “intensity”: 4, 9 or 11. The 4 seemed too low, and I saw no reason to go with the 9 and leave the extra two intensity points on the table, so I selected the 11. I didn’t notice any off-the-charts intensity as I was drinking the coffee but it kicked in on the drive home, somewhere near Salinas. I could have driven straight through to South America, such was my level of alertness and energy. Read more →

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