- What's A Black Metal Band Gotta Do To Get Murdered By Religious Maniacs These Days? : Reason Magazine http://goo.gl/XWog #
Twitter: 2010-05-03
Teachers Unions
In our biggest school systems, it’s become virtually impossible to fight the teachers unions and fire bad teachers. The giant Los Angeles Unified school system, with 33,000 teachers, fires only about 21 a year, or fewer than 1 in 1,000, according to the findings of an L.A. Times investigation. Now either Los Angeles has the greatest teachers in the world or something is very wrong. Talk to parents and you’ll know the answer.
Spontaneity
At a friend’s home this weekend, his wife brought him a venti iced chai from Starbucks and set it down in front of him on a coffee table.
“Do you want a straw?” she asked.
In hindsight, a better answer would have been “no” but he said yes.
She unwrapped the straw and with a Norman Bates overhand grip tried to stab it through the plastic lid. Unfortunately, she hit it off center, knocking the cup off the table and splashing the contents all over the hardwood floor.
“Sorry,” she said.
“That’s all right, honey. That’s part of your charm. You do things without really thinking about them.”
She looked at him for a moment. “That’s not a compliment,” she said.
“No, it is. It means you’re . . . spontaneous.”
Schools on Strike
“Can you take me to the Barnes and Noble by your work?” my son asks. “I need to get AP study guides.”
I work in Aliso Viejo but since it’s Saturday and I’m not going to work, I ask why we can’t go to the Barnes and Noble right here in Irvine.
“Asian kids are running rampant on the selection,” he says. “I’m guessing there’s not as much hustle and bustle in Aliso, especially since our schools don’t go on strike.”
A Tight-Assed Bunch
There’s an Italian Greyhound meet-up at the Irvine dog park on Saturday mornings . . .
Italian Greyhound owners are a tight-assed bunch. They put sweaters on their dogs at the first sign of cool weather. They’re more likely than the average owner to refer to themselves as the “mommy” or “daddy” of their dog. They like to hold forth with non-IG owners on the finer points of the breed, as if anyone cared.
Yesterday the group was addressing the serious matter of whether the largest dog in attendance was a full Italian Greyhound or part whippet. The owner insisted that she has papers on the dog, but as everyone knows, whippets tend to weigh 25 pounds and up whereas IGs top out around 15 pounds, and since this dog was somewhere in-between, what was one to make of it?
“The puppy mills are making the IGs bigger,” a bearded gentleman said. “They keep the biggest males for breeding.”
“Do you think my dog is full IG?” I asked, pointing at Lightning.
“That’s a pug,” someone said.
“Gosh,” I exclaimed, “I really got taken for a ride.”
Nobody laughed. Italian Greyhound owners are a tight-assed bunch.
The Car Business
Twitter: 2010-04-29
The Mel Kiper Files
In five weeks in the Galapagos in 1835, Charles Darwin identified 12 separate species of finches. After watching a 90-minute documentary on the Galapagos in 2001, Mel Kiper Jr. identified 35 species of finches, ranked them on strength, quickness, and “football instincts,” and correctly predicted that a land tortoise named “Jorges” would go to Indianapolis in the sixth round.
Twitter: 2010-04-21
- RT @capricecrane: In every Red Lobster tank, there's one lobster who says: "You guys are so paranoid! It's great here! I love the view!" #
- RT @eddiepepitone: anyone can join twitter? just found this out. shit. I thought this was an exclusive club- no i.q. standards etc.. damn! #
Twitter: 2010-04-20
- RT @eddiepepitone: my concept of god is down to this: I am here on this planet and I don't feel well. So what's up with that? #
Twitter: 2010-04-19
- "Sorry to hear about President Kowalski … now watch this drive." http://bit.ly/azPYiM #obama #golf #
- RT @OnSluts: Monday Affirmation: "I didn't get sick today so that means I don't have to dish out a co-pay." #
Not Tonight
Goldman Sachs
I was shocked and dismayed –I think we all were- to learn that Goldman Sachs had been involved in whatever it was they did. I had always ranked them with unlicensed boxing promoters and taxi drivers in Cairo, as people who inspire one with absolute confidence.
Twitter: 2010-04-18
- Why does every fat-ass with a bike have to dress himself out like Lance Armstrong? #
Genius Takes a Walk
The Conceptualists would answer: It’s not permanence and materials, all that Winsor & Newton paint and other crap, that are at the heart of art, but two things only: Genius and the process of creation! Later they decided that Genius might as well take a walk, too.
Who You Really Are
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is in reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.
Twitter: 2010-04-17
- RT @eddiepepitone: tweets of a moron #88 I love my eggs salted and scrambled- I hope to share more thoughts with you soon! #
A Cat with an iPad
I saw this video of a cat playing with an iPad. I love how the guy at the end says “You sure are a smart cat, buddy.”
LOL! That is a DOPEY cat! He’s as dopey as those dopey dogs that chase laser pointers at the dog park.
Is THAT all you have to do to be a smart cat? Bat at things that move or make noise?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
— Lightning 
Thought for the Day
Sometimes it is worth trying to find a way to solve problems that doesn’t involve more structure, more meetings, more roles, more documents, more setup.
Lost in Translation
I was walking my dog when we met an Asian man with a Pomeranian.
“Friendly?” I asked, pointing at the dog.
“Poh-mah-ranian,” the man replied.