My 15-year-old kid has created a custom NBA 2K9 roster consisting entirely of 7-foot-11 point guards.
“It creates some real matchup problems,” he says.
Matchup Problems
Microwave Instructions
“There are no microwave instructions,” my son says, looking over a frozen pizza box.
I say, “You want microwave instructions? Put it in the oven and turn it on. Aren’t those pretty much the microwave instructions for anything?”
You Better Believe It
These disruptions are occurring because opponents are afraid not just of differing views–but of the facts themselves. Drowning out opposing views is simply un-American. Drowning out the facts is how we failed at this task for decades.
The “facts” to which they refer turn out to be not facts at all but representations about the glories of ObamaCare: “Health insurance reform will mean more patient choice. . . . Reform will mean stability and peace of mind for the middle class. . . . Reform will mean affordable coverage for all Americans. . . . Reform will also mean higher-quality care.”
What, you don’t believe it? You better believe it, or you’re un-American.
Polite Acerbity
I am learning to bring into [my voice] that polite acerbity that makes people feel that far from being welcome they are not even tolerated and are under continual and scathing analysis at every moment.
Twitter: 2009-08-09
- RT @paulandstorm: [S] A proper diet is half the battle: Upper GI Joe. #
- RT @diablocody: I used to think grownups automatically knew how to take care of themselves. Flash-forward to my squalid adulthood. #
- "I'm sorry but business is business." #usefulphrases #
- "You ought to have thought of that before you got into this trouble." #usefulphrases #
- "I'm not the person to see about that." #usefulphrases #
Twitter: 2009-08-08
- White House Hails iCU-R-Fishy App as ‘Truth Tool’ – http://shar.es/IxfP #
John Hughes, 1950-2009
Very sad news. Love him or hate him, you had to admire his originality as a filmmaker.
An openly gay man known for his pencil-thin mustache . . . wait, what?! John Hughes died? Oh, he was TERR-ible! Ferris Bueller’s Day Off — worst movie I ever saw!
For a moment there I thought you said John Waters had died . . .
I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!
RAPID CITY, S.D. (AP) — Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler was airlifted to a hospital after falling from stage during a concert at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in western South Dakota.
Hey Steve — maybe life is trying to tell you something. Let’s listen closely and see if we can hear what it is . . .
YOU’RE OLD!
Stop trying to suck every last dollar out of your former glory and retire, you geriatric bastard . . .
Twitter: 2009-08-05
Emotional Rescue
The two American journalists imprisoned for five months by North Korea came home to a tear-filled airport reunion with their families Wednesday morning following a dramatic rescue mission led by former President Bill Clinton.
In June, the North Korean government sentenced the journalists, who work for former Vice President Al Gore’s Current TV cable channel, to 12 years of hard labor for illegally entering the country.
I don’t know . . . these gals look very emotional to me. Emotional women are hard to live with. Or so I’ve heard.
I’m sure the husbands are happy to have them back though . . .
Helping the White House Keep an Eye on Things
From the White House Blog:
Scary chain emails and videos are starting to percolate on the internet, breathlessly claiming, for example, to “uncover” the truth about the President’s health insurance reform positions.
There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to end of life care. These rumors often travel just below the surface via chain emails or through casual conversation. Since we can’t keep track of all of them here at the White House, we’re asking for your help. If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov.
Right. There’s no informed opposition to health insurance reform, only “scary chain emails” and “disinformation” traveling “just below the surface,” whatever that means.
It all sounds very sinister though, so as agents of the government, we are encouraging all good citizens to inform on their neighbors if they may be up to something.
Twitter: 2009-08-04
- RT @presentationzen: 11 ways to use images poorly in slides http://snipurl.com/one4r [www_presentationzen_com] #
We Played a Fun Game This Morning
My owner’s wife chased me around the island in the middle of the kitchen this morning. What a fun game!
It all started when she said “Come here, Lightning” and started walking toward me. When she says “Come here, Lightning,” it almost always means I’m going to have to do something I don’t want to do, like take a bath or go to bed — probably bath in this case, because it was morning — so that’s when I started going around the island.
A couple of times she tried turning around and going the other way, like I’m supposed to keep going the same way and run right into her. Let me tell you, pugs are a little too smart for that old trick!
Finally, when she saw she couldn’t win the game, she said to my owner, who was standing there watching,”Will you hold him for me?”
“Oh sorry,” he said. “I thought you were having fun chasing him.”
“You mean you were having fun watching me chase him,” she said.
— Lightning 
Twitter: 2009-08-03
- RT @TheOnion: In Focus: Drug Use Down Among Uncool Kids http://bit.ly/1DkUBV #
Twitter: 2009-08-02
- I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. — Jackie Mason #
Carbon Emissions Reduction, Biden Style
There is a permanently restricted area of airspace to the NW of the [Wilmington, Delaware] airport, around [VP Joe] Biden’s weekend house. The airport gets shut down every time Biden commutes home at taxpayer expense. What kind of plane does Biden, a tireless advocate of reduced carbon emissions (source), use for the 15-minute flight from D.C.? “Boeing 757,” was the report from the ramp. “You wonder how the government can criticize private companies for using light jets when they themselves ride solo in the back of a 757.”
[Note: the shortest version of the Boeing 757 can hold up to 234 passengers plus a crew of at least 7 (source).]
Twitter: 2009-08-01
- "Clean and sober Andy Dick ready to invade O.C." http://bit.ly/lGfMb #bottomstoriesoftheday #
- CPK now lists calories on the menus. Suicide! Even the salads are over 1000! #
- RT @diablocody: Intrigued by full-service "dental spa." Tired of making separate trips for tooth bleaching and anal bleaching. #
Overheard
HER: You don’t sleep enough. You need to go to bed earlier. You know what’s the secret to my youthful appearance?
HIM: Telling people what to do every minute?
Music is a Universal Language
Don’t let the “science” and “pentatonic scale” stuff scare you off watching this. Think of it as “A Remarkable Demonstration of Music as a Universal Language.”
Bobby McFerrin demonstrates the power of the pentatonic scale, using audience participation, at the event “Notes & Neurons: In Search of the Common Chorus”, from the 2009 World Science Festival, June 12, 2009.
The Capitalists Failed Us
There are some things that one just didn’t do. That’s the way I was brought up. It’s not gray; it was black and white.
Now the ethical standard seems to be if everybody else is doing it, I can do it too. Carry that over into the banking. Everybody else is doing these funny loans and having earnings grow faster, building up their margins, leveraging those margins.
The more leverage A gets, the more leverage B feels inclined to get. So the system fed on itself and drove bankers to making decisions that they, presumably, should have known better than to make.
I don’t blame government for this. I was at a meeting of CEOs, even though I haven’t been to one for quite a while, and someone asked me to sum up the morning. This was a bunch of bankers and other CEOs. They said, what do you think about all this?
I said, you know, what I’m hearing here is you’re blaming the government for allowing you to do what you should have had enough brains not to do in the first place.