Stormy Weather

by  on 
 

The first storm of the season is rolling through Southern California, which means it’s time to bring back the time-honored tradition of sending female TV reporters out to do live weather remotes.

I saw a woman on TV this morning standing in a blizzard to tell me that it’s snowing in the Cajon Pass.

Really?! It always snows in the Cajon Pass. She could have told me the same thing from inside a heated studio.

Some day, one of these women is going to get pneumonia or frostbite and sue this whole sadistic practice out of existence . . .

Related Posts

  1. Rainy Day Women
  2. Fashion Statement
  3. A Tradition Returns

Higher Education May Soon Be Unaffordable

by  on 
 

The rising cost of college — even before the recession — threatens to put higher education out of reach for most Americans, according to the biennial report from the National Center for Public Policy and Higher Education.

— NYTimes.com

Good! Long overdue!

There are way, way, way too many unqualified people getting college degrees. Higher education has been devalued to the point that you can’t swing a cat without knocking down some idiot with a graduate degree.

Related Posts

  1. The Public School Monopoly Provides Little Incentive to Supply Good Education
  2. “I Need to Pay Higher Taxes,” Says Bill Gates
  3. HW Solves Two of the Thorniest Problems in American Education

The Man Who Wasn’t There

by  on 
 

I thought I saw one of the dads from my kid’s high school roller hockey team at L.A. Fitness this morning.

Gym

He was riding a stationary bike and there was no way I could get where I wanted to go without walking past him.

Great . . . now I’m going to have to take time out of my workout to acknowledge this guy and talk to him.

I hate talking to people when I’m working out. That’s why I come in here at 5 in the morning — because it’s not crowded and I don’t have to talk to anybody.

If this guy’s going to start coming in at 5 and I have to talk to him every morning — even if it’s just to say hello — I swear to Jesus I’m going to start coming in at 4.

Thank god it wasn’t him after all . . .

Related Posts

  1. UC Berkeley Roller Hockey
  2. NARCh – Day 2
  3. Outside the Lines

A T-Shirt with a Gorilla on It

by  on 
 
XLarge T-Shirt

I took my boy to Souplantation for dinner after his hockey game. An Indian kid in the line across from us was wearing a t-shirt with a gorilla on it.

“That Indian guy has a cool shirt,” my son said. “I’d rock that.”

“I’d sport that,” he said.

“I’d don that,” he said.

“I’d . . .”

“I get it. Now shut up so I can focus on my salad.”

Related Posts

  1. Could Falling Into a Gorilla Exhibit Happen to Anyone?
  2. A San Jose State Fan
  3. Never Wait in Buffet Lines Again

A Gay Mexican Guy with a Mohawk

by  on 
 

I went to get my hair cut at lunch. There was one guy waiting ahead of me and two stylists — a woman, and a gay Mexican guy with a Mohawk.

Am I a bad person for praying that Mohawk would finish first (he did) and take the other guy?

My son says when he was in Washington, D.C., he saw shops where all the hair cutters were men.

“That’s different,” I explain. “Those are barbers. Barbers don’t mess around with you like stylists. I don’t want a gay guy with a Mohawk running his fingers through my hair. Note the fact that he’s a Mexican doesn’t matter at all. I mean, I’m not a racist or anything.”

Related Posts

  1. FYI, “Mexican” is Not a Race
  2. It’s a Guy!
  3. How Do I Know If I’m Gay?

I Didn’t Get a Pizza Square

by  on 
 

The free sample stand at Trader Joe’s has pizza squares today. They look delicious!

Unfortunately, there are only two left and just ahead of me is a woman with a toddler in her shopping cart.

I’m thinking Just take one and leave one for me but no, she takes both, hands one to the toddler, who immediately drops it face down on the floor . . .

Related Posts

  1. Finding the Dragon
  2. Pizza and Pessimism
  3. Free Samples

My Dog Sends a Bark Out to the Puppy Heroes

by  on Lightning
 
Lightning sleepy

A 3-year-old Virginia boy was rescued Saturday after spending the night in the woods with only his puppies to keep him warm. . . .

Around 300 people helped search for the missing child, and a command center was set up at the local Baptist church.

“God really protected the boy,” Grace Baptist Church Pastor Dave Kline said. “We are happy that we were able to help.”

— FOXNews.com

God is “dog” spelled backwards! I say God could have saved everyone a lot of time by not letting the boy get lost in the first place.

Good thing he had his puppies to keep him warm!

Don’t try this with kittens!

— Lightning paw

P.S. That is a photo of me keeping my owner warm when I was a puppy.

Related Posts

  1. My Dog Sends a Bark Out to His Mom for Mother’s Day
  2. My Dog Sends a Bark Out to His Mom
  3. Were They Boxers?

EppsNet Snack Bar Reviews: Planet Hockey

by  on 
 

For some reason, they’ve stopped selling the chicken teriyaki bowls that used to be the highlight of my visits to this West Covina rink.

I asked the woman at the counter about it and she couldn’t explain it. She was as dumbfounded as I was.

I noticed that the new sausage, egg and cheese muffins were selling like hotcakes so I decided to try one of those. (Ironically, they have hotcakes on the menu and those weren’t selling at all.)

The muffins were delicious — prepared fresh, not like the heat-lamped ones you get at a fast-food place — which sort of made up for the inexplicable discontinuation of the teriyaki bowls.

Unfortunately, the soft pretzels were small and overcooked, and I had to deduct a star for that.

Rating: Two stars (out of five).

Related Posts

  1. Hockey Practice Will Never Be Cancelled
  2. Hockey Practice
  3. Hockey Parents

Easily Annoyed

by  on 
 

Someone asked me if getting easily annoyed with people makes her a bad person.

No — you can be easily annoyed and still be a good person. In fact, I think being easily annoyed makes me a better person, because it forces those around me to improve.

But seriously, it helps sometimes to remind myself that no matter how it looks, most people are trying to be helpful — in their own annoying way . . .

Related Posts

  1. I’m Easily Annoyed
  2. Dishonest Estimation
  3. Lotus Notes Sucks

Wife “Accidentally” Shot During Sex

by  on 
 

SPRINGFIELD, Ohio — A Tri-State woman is in critical condition Wednesday after police say her husband shot her while they were having sex.

— “Man Says Wife Was Accidentally Shot During Sex”, WLWT Cincinnati

After you’ve been married for a while, you have to try new things in the bedroom to keep it interesting . . .

Related Posts

  1. Why I Don’t Tell Jokes to My Wife
  2. The Happy Wife
  3. Sex in Space

I Had a Great Meeting

by  on The Programmer
 

I had a great meeting today — eight women plus myself.

That’s not why it was great though.

These ladies want to launch an online Education Room with webinars, a speaker directory, announcements of upcoming events . . . they have none of the content ready . . . and they want to launch it on Jan. 1, 2009.

So instead of talking about how they’re planning to get the content to me so I can build the thing, they’re saying things like, “When you hover over a webinar link, it will display a description of the content — like on Netflix . . .”

Netflix. Right. So I say, “You’re not gonna get that.”

Oh, they loved it! They laughed and laughed. They knew it was ridiculous, they just wanted someone to tell them it was ridiculous.

Women love a masterful man who’s good at his work.

Thus spoke The Programmer.

Related Posts

  1. Antipattern: Daily Standup is Too Long
  2. Too Much Collegiality
  3. Limit Your Meeting Attendance

A Tradition Returns

by  on 
 
USC vs. UCLA

When I was growing up in Southern California, USC and UCLA both played home football games at the Coliseum. And every year, when the teams played each other, they both wore their home uniforms — the Trojans wore cardinal jerseys and the Bruins wore blue.

That tradition ended in 1982, when UCLA began playing home games at the Rose Bowl, because NCAA rule 1-4-3-a states that “the visiting team shall wear white jerseys.”

Twenty-six years later, the tradition returns.

Pete Carroll announced today that when the Trojans come out of the locker room at the Rose Bowl this Saturday, they’ll be wearing cardinal jerseys, in violation of NCAA rule 1-4-3-a.

They will then be assessed a penalty of one timeout per half.

Wait, what — they lose two timeouts?! OMG, they might NEED those timeouts! Oh sure, USC is heavily favored but it’s a RIVALRY game! Throw the record books out the window!! Anything can happen!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

God bless Pete Carroll! FIGHT ON!

Related Posts

  1. UCLA Hires Jim Mora
  2. USC 28, UCLA 7
  3. Why There’s No UCLA Store

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

by  on 
 

Diagonal Jaywalkers

I don’t mind if you want to cut across the middle of the road. I do that myself.

But when I do it, I take a straight line perpendicular to the street and I walk briskly, maybe even jog a little bit. I don’t take a diagonal path into oncoming traffic and refuse to speed up when I see a car coming.

Why do I not do it that way, you ask?

Two reasons:

  1. The person driving the car may not be paying attention and may run me over and kill me.
  2. The person driving the car may be a crazy person looking to run over anybody who gets in his way. YOU DON’T THINK SO?! There’s a lot of nuts out there! Read the news! I swear to god, some days I feel like I’m just hanging on by a thread myself.

Think about that the next time you try to walk in front of my car.

Related Posts

  1. More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
  2. More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Paul Krugman
  3. More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of