Prop 8 Ramifications

 

My son asks how I’m voting on Proposition 8, so I tell him, “I’m not sure I really care that much one way or the other. The amazing thing to me is that same-sex couples actually want to get married. If I hadn’t been allowed to get married, I could have avoided a lot of problems.

“On the other hand, if we get rid of the ‘one man, one woman’ requirement, I’m planning to turn the house into a polygamy compound with Lucy Liu and Scarlett Johanssen as my new wives.

“Bad choices,” he says.

“Who would you pick?”

“Jessica Biel.”

“Okay, we’ll get her too.”

The One Most Important Thing

 

The first rule of thumb I pull out of my hat for myself and for my clients is this. Before you start working every day ask yourself “What is the one most important thing I could do today?” This is different than what you have to do or what you should do. It is the most important thing you could do. The answer, if you think carefully, is usually something that requires courage and integrity and not a lot of time. For instance, resolving an ongoing issue with a coworker or talking to your boss about the future of your career or hiring a personal trainer. When you consider To Do lists, they are infinite. In other words, there is an infinite amount of stuff you could do. So the best leverage you can get is making sure you do the most important thing first. It seems to be a human quality that we are tempted to do things that keep us busy but don’t really give us great results or great leverage in our lives. For instance, we’ll answer all our emails and go to every meeting we are invited to. You don’t have to worry about doing “normal” work items like this. They will always be there. But you can make significant positive change in your life and the life of others if you make sure to do the one most important thing each day.

Let’s Get Fiscal

 
Lightning on the Balcony

A simple rule dictates my buying: Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful.

BIG DEAL! I said the same thing last week!

Who needs Warren Buffett when you have a good dog?

Talking about Warren Buffett is making me hungry because his name looks like “buffet.” I wish someone would open an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant for dogs.

I would invest in that . . .

— Lightning paw

Proposition 8

 

On Nov. 4, my fellow Californians and I will vote on Proposition 8, an initiative to ban same-sex marriages, which were made legal by a state Supreme Court ruling in May.

I know a guy — let’s call him Trog . . . Trog seems to have emerged from the mists of time untouched by human evolution.

Not surprisingly, Trog supports Proposition 8 and he feels strongly enough about it that if you stop by his office, you’ll see a fair amount of Yes on 8 campaign material.

Now I have to say that the idea of two people of the same sex getting married and making out with each other — provided they’re female and hot — does far less to tarnish my view on the sanctity of marriage than does the thought of some woman allowing this mouth-breathing ape to clamber on top of her and deposit his seed.

The fact that same-sex couples even want to get married is a stunning triumph of hope over experience. I honestly can’t think of a single heterosexual couple I’d describe as happily married — not one!

In fact, I’ve come to think of marriage as having very little to do with love, which I no longer believe in, and a lot to do with having someone other than yourself to blame for everything that’s wrong with your life.

To couples — gay or otherwise — I say don’t confuse “I love you” with “I want to marry you.”

Trained Dogs

 
Beverly Hills Chihuahua

When Righteous Kill came out recently, the build-up was that it featured Robert De Niro and Al Pacino, “the most acclaimed actors of our time.”

So what’s the big hit at the box office? Beverly Hills Chihuahua, a talking dog movie.

When you’re “the most acclaimed X of our time” and you can be replaced by a trained dog, you know you’re in a stupid profession.

Santa Ana Winds

 

There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot dry Santa Anas that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands’ necks. Anything can happen. You can even get a full glass of beer at a cocktail lounge.

— Raymond Chandler, “Red Wind”

It Could Have Been Worse

 

We took Lightning to the Huntington Dog Beach this morning . . .

As we were parking the car, my wife asked, “Do they have bathrooms here?”

Starbucks cup

“They have portables,” I said, pointing them out.

“OK, you guys go ahead and I’ll meet you down at the beach.”

Later, when we got back to the car, I asked, “Where’s my coffee?”

“It’s all gone,” she said.

“It may be all gone now but it wasn’t all gone when I left it here.”

“I had to pee in it.”

“You peed in my coffee cup?”

“I can’t use those portables.”

“Why couldn’t you pee in your own coffee?”

“I had to make a judgment call.”

“Well . . . thanks for not setting it back and letting me drink out of it.”

Dog Investors

 

Hi Everybody —

I saw this headline today on an Associated Press story:

Stocks Fluctuate as Economic Worries Dog Investors

Lightning on the Balcony

As a dog investor myself, I just wanted to assure you that I am not worried. In fact, I’m sleeping like a puppy . . .

The key to investing is taking a long-term view of the market. Stocks are down? It’s a buying opportunity!

Among the stocks I’m currently recommending are

  • PetSmart (PETM) – Woof woof!
  • Volcom (VLCM), Under Armour (UA) – I see lots of young humans wearing these brands.
  • BJ’s Restaurants (BJRI) – I’ve never been but my owner says it’s really good and always crowded!
  • Sonic Corporation (SONC) – I love the commercials with the two people talking in the car! So funny!

— Lightning paw

Free Advice

 

At age 18, people care very much about what others think of them. By age 40, they learn not to worry what others think. By age 60, they figure out that no one was thinking about them in the first place.

— Daniel Amen, M.D.

I’ve messed up so many times because I was worried what other people would think of me.

You’re perfect the way you are. The worst thing you can do is try to be what you think other people think you should be . . .

At the Lakers Game

 

My son and I went to the Lakers game last night, a pre-season game against Utah . . .

Pre-game

As we were walking in, he pointed out an Asian girl with a spiky-haired Asian guy wearing an Olympics jersey and said, “That guy with the Olympic jersey pulled a hotter Asian woman than you.”

The girl was hotter than my wife is now, but not hotter than she was at that age.

“You don’t know anything,” I said. “Mom was pretty hot.”

“Yeah. Right.”

Game

Pretty good game! The starters played more than I thought they would.

Andrew Bynum is back. He looked good!

Jerry Buss was there. He looked terrible. Thirty minutes before the game, a guy rolled him out in a wheelchair to the end of the court. It took him several minutes to hobble from there to his courtside seat. My son said he had a leg injury. I thought he was just too old.

The girl sitting next to him — his date or his great-granddaughter, I’m not sure which — looked really good.

 
Laker Girls

The Laker Girls totally set the bar for whatever you call these kinds of groups — cheerleaders? Dance teams?

I realized that what’s missing from my workplace is hot girls in extremely short skirts who jump around and cheer whenever something noteworthy happens.

We check in a bug fix? Gooooo team!

Then at halftime — or “lunch” as we call it — they’d change into tight pants and belly shirts and jump around in the new outfits all afternoon.

Good times!

Post-game

On the drive home, my wife called my son’s cell phone. The conversation was focused on exactly where we were and how long it would take us to get home.

“Why does she care about that?” I asked.

“She’s probably up to something and wants to make sure she stops doing it before we get there.”

Good News, Bad News

 

First the bad news: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THERE’S NOTHING BUT BAD NEWS! THE HOUSING MARKET HAS COLLAPSED! GLOBAL MARKETS ARE IMPLODING! EVERYTHING IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL! THE FALCON CANNOT HEAR THE FALCONER! THE CEREMONY OF INNOCENCE IS DROWNED! THE BEST LACK ALL CONVICTION WHILE THE WORST ARE FULL OF PASSIONATE INTENSITY! EVERYBODY PANIC!

OK, now the good news: Hmmm . . . well . . . as long as I have a job, I can make enough to live on . . . I think . . .