Building a Boat

 
Hedrick launches his boat

Two men within a mast length of Rick Hedrick’s homemade 32-foot sailboat have toiled away on their boats for 30 years each. Another for 25 years. Another recently died before his life’s work saw the briny sea.

By comparison, Hedrick, 61, of San Clemente, has practically set a land-speed record. He only had to give up 17 years – working every weekend and two or three nights a week after work to complete his life’s dream. . . .

“Yes, I’m anxious,” Hedrick said last week at the Boat Yard, where men dream of water, sometimes for half their lives. “The only thing I have ever wanted to do is go sailing. But now that I’m here, I’m reflecting on everything. I’ve spent so much of my life here. I haven’t lived a normal life. I’m never home. I’m 61. I wonder, did I pay too great a price?”

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Winning Through Intimidation

 

My wife is a sales agent for Auto Club insurance. She’s using a little after-dinner quiet time to review the monthly Top Producers document. She’s always around the top, but because she took a two-week vacation recently, she dropped down the list this month to around number 30 — still not bad out of hundreds of agents.

Our son, however, is not impressed.

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A Pessimist Looks at History

 

…Let me get this straight, we sent how many tanks and planes over there, it’s already been one full day and they still haven’t made it off of those beaches.

Give me a break. How much money is being spent on that army again? Well I know I won’t be cheering for the abolition of fascism in Europe if this continues…

Cartoon Violence

 
Of course you know this means war.
— Bugs Bunny

Muslims are offended by cartoons portraying them as violent fanatics. Naturally, they’ve responded with violent fanatacism. I’ll say one thing for these people, they know how to stage a lively protest. Yesterday, a few protestors got so enthusiastic that they had to be killed.

UK Muslims protest cartoons

Hamshahri, a prominent Iranian newspaper, has launched a cartoon counter-offensive: a competition for Holocaust cartoons.

Hey, I’ve got an idea! You have a drawing of Hitler standing at a podium, big swastika behind him, addressing a packed hall of Nazis, and he says

“I think I may say, without fear of contradiction . . .”

HA HA HA HA HA!

(Okay, I stole that from an old New Yorker cartoon, but how many people in Iran take the New Yorker?)

Earthquake Preparedness

 

A colleague of mine had a vacation planned, visiting some friends out of state. Then a psychic told her that an earthquake would strike California during that week, so she cancelled the vacation to stay home with her family.

If I really believed that an earthquake was going to hit on a certain date, I’d make sure that I was out of town.

Of course, I’d hope that my child made it through okay.

And my dog.

As for my wife, there’s nothing wrong with our relationship that a couple tons of rubble wouldn’t fix.

Why I Don’t Own a Hatchet or a Gun

 

I’m in the processing of converting all the old content here into WordPress, which among other things, lets me assign categories to each item.

I filed one item, principally about a woman who ran over her husband with a car, under several categories, including Murder and Kids.

My son, who’s sitting next to me on the sofa doing homework, says, “You’re posting stuff about murdering kids?!”

I say, “No, it’s about murdering husbands.”

“You’re posting stuff about kids murdering husbands?!”

“No, it’s about wives murdering husbands, which happens a lot, unfortunately.”

“It would happen around here if Mom had a hatchet or a gun.”

“That’s exactly why we don’t have those things.”

The Bright Side of Bruin Football

 

Sure, they just absorbed their worst defeat in 75 years, but at least they’re not suffering through the kind of mortifying off-the-field incidents that characterized the Bob Toledo era!

Well, except for placekicker Justin Medlock driving around drunk at 3 A.M., rolling his car over on the 405 freeway, and walking away from the wreckage with a seriously injured girl still inside.

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Heisman Hijinks

 

Texas QB Vince Young was visibly unhappy about finishing second to Reggie Bush in the Heisman balloting.

Reggie Bush wins the Heisman Trophy

“I’m just basically emotionally upset about that,” Young said.

News flash: Everyone who doesn’t win is upset about it, but the protocol is this: Congratulate the winner and move on. Have some class. Grow up. You’re not in third grade anymore.

I’m Vince Young. I’m upset because I didn’t win. Boo-hoo-hoo!

Man, I hope the Trojans kick his ass in the Rose Bowl.

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USC 66, UCLA 19

 
USC Trojans

I’m glad it was a blowout. Most of the season, I had to listen to “what a great job Karl Dorrell, Drew Olson and the Bruins are doing.” I didn’t think they were doing a great job at all. They were 9-1, but given all the last-minute, come-from-behind wins over bad teams, they were pretty close to being 5-5. Hence the lack of respect in the polls and the 21-point spread on this game, which turned out to be way too low.

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My Retirement Plan is a .45

 

Over Thanksgiving dinner, my dad is explaining how he’s trying to count up all his assets and figure out if he’s got enough to retire.

“But,” he says, “you know what’s missing from all this retirement planning? The one thing you really need to know but you don’t know?”

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Happy Birthday, E = mc2

 
Albert Einstein

E = mc2, the world’s most famous equation, is 100 years old. According to this BBC article:

Einstein showed in a handful of lines that as you accelerate an object, it not only gets faster, it also gets heavier.

That in turn makes further pushing less fruitful so that eventually nothing can be accelerated beyond the speed of light.

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Are People Getting Fatter?

 

My wife’s car has preference settings for each driver. When I drive it, I get in, push a button, and the seat moves into position automatically — no manual effort required.

George Jetson

“In the future, people are going to be really fat,” my son says.

“People are pretty fat now,” I point out.

“They’re going to be fatter because they don’t have to do anything.”

“George Jetson isn’t fat.”

“He’s kind of fat.”

“He’s not fat.”

“Maybe I’m thinking of Fred Flintstone.”

“Fred Flintstone is fat, but he’s from the past — which kind of discredits your theory, if you think about it.”

Secret Griefs and Fears

 
The joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears.
— Francis Bacon, “Of Parents and Children”

Our son turned 12 in July . . .

“I almost cried today,” my wife says. “Every year, I take Casey to the pumpkin patch and I take the best photo, but when we drove by today, he didn’t want to go . . .”