I had lunch with a couple of colleagues today at an Indian buffet. When the time came to divide the check, one of them announced as he tossed in his money, “I don’t tip at buffets.”
When this met with silence, he added, “And I had to ask for more water. That indicates a lack of attentiveness. So no tip.”
As we were leaving, the “inattentive” busboy came running up and handed Mr. I-Don’t-Tip-At-Buffets not one, but two cell phones, which he’d left behind at the table.
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Maurice Clarett was charged Tuesday with lying about items stolen from a car he had been driving.
Clarett was charged with misdemeanor falsification, city attorney spokesman Scott Varner said. If convicted, Clarett would face up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine.
Anyone who thinks Johnny Cash wasn’t ready to check out even before his wife died in May has probably not seen the “Hurt” video.
I certainly think a person in ill health can voluntarily release his or her grip on life . . . we had a family member with cancer who really wanted to die at home, but unfortunately she became too ill to care for at home.
The night the family decided that she’d have to be hospitalized, she died . . .
First radio, then television, have assaulted and overturned the privacy of the home, the real American privacy, which permitted the development of a higher and more independent life within democratic society. Parents can no longer control the atmosphere of the home and have lost even the will to do so.
I think that’s a good explanation of how I feel when the TV is on, a feeling that I’ve lost control of my home to an uninvited guest . . .
I’ve been aware of the time going by
They say in the end it’s the wink of an eye.
This mixture of vagueness and sheer incompetence is the most marked characteristic of modern English prose, and especially of any kind of political writing. As soon as certain topics are raised, the concrete melts into the abstract and no one seems to be able to think of turns of speech that are not hackneyed; prose consists less and less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning, and more and more of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse.
I am so glad to hear that, because I try to read political commentary every now and then, and I can very rarely figure out what if anything is being said.
I thought it was just me.
Someone has trademarked the phrase “The Latte Factor,” referring to his claim that you could save the $3.50 a day you’re spending on little things like coffee, invest it, and wind up with millions of dollars.
I don’t doubt that under a certain set of assumptions, that’s true — although under another set of assumptions, you could invest the money and lose it all, in which case you’ve got no lattes and no money).
I have lived my life, and that which I have done
May He within Himself make pure! but thou,
If thou shouldst never see my face again,
Pray for my soul. More things are wrought by prayer
Than this world dreams of.
Tennyson has said that more things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of, but he has wisely refrained from saying whether they are good things or bad things. It might perhaps be as well if the world were to dream of, or even become wide awake to some of the things that are being wrought by prayer.
A project manager talking to a business analyst:
PM: Can you have that done by today?
BA: No I can’t, and here’s why. [Lengthy explanation deleted.] I can have it done by next week.
PM: Can you have it done by tomorrow?
…parents now are pushing for laws that would make it a felony for a day care worker to give a child medicine without written permission from a parent or a doctor’s order. One state already has passed such legislation.
Last month, North Carolina made it a felony to give children medicine without permission. That law was named for 5-month-old Kaitlyn Shevlin, who died in 2001 after being given the generic form of Benadryl. Her care giver, Josephine Burke, served four months in prison on misdemeanor charges of child abuse and neglect.
I think it’s such a shame we set our sights so low. Either you’re stuck with software that works the way it works because you don’t want to break it, or you get an upgrade that causes pain and anguish. I just want my stupid computer to work and it doesn’t. That’s not computing.
That we accept the status quo says such negative things about us as humans . . . Our ambitions are so, so small compared to the opportunity.
The best Charles Bronson movie I ever saw was Once Upon a Time in the West, worth the price of a rental for the opening scene alone . . .
“Looks like we’re shy one horse.”
“You brought two too many.”
A friend explains to me why he and his wife argue all the time:
Unfortunately, Paul, a lot of married people argue like this, particularly when there’s a large discrepancy in IQ.
We had Papa John’s pizza brought in at work today . . .
I was trying to get my son to think ahead a little in Bejeweled instead of just clicking on the first match he sees.
Result: He clicks as fast as ever, but he now adds a running commentary in a dopey voice whenever I’m in the room:
Should I click here? Or should I click here? Or should I just sit here thinking and not click on anything? Thinking is better than life. Well — when you put it that way, you have to be alive to think. But still, thinking is the best . . .
Footnote: My high score is still way better than his.
I saw the new Jackie Chan movie today . . . it was pretty bad, but the thing that resonated with me was that the movie, like all movies of this type, had an evil villain, and the villain would gather his evil henchmen and say things like
“Which one of you would like to explain this latest failure?”
He sounded just like one of the managers I work with . . .
A boy en route to Amarillo, holding a camera . . .
“You want waffles?” asks Mom.
“Bacon,” the boy replies, without looking up from his GameBoy.
“How about bacon, and I’ll cut up an apple for you?”
“Bacon.”
“You have to have fruit with it. How about grapes?”
“Bacon.”
“Bacon and fruit.”
Pause. “Is bacon a fruit?”
Blender magazine has named Insane Clown Posse as the worst band of all time, although I personally think this does a great disservice to Rush — the band, not the radio guy.
According to the British Journal of Ophthalmology, wearing a too-tight necktie may increase the risk of glaucoma by boosting blood pressure inside the eyes.
Ouch!
Who volunteers for this kind of thing? Choked blind with your own necktie!?
