A former colleague of mine died over the weekend — “former” only in the sense that he’s now deceased; he was in the office as recently as last Friday.
Sadly, I suppose, my first thought was: “At least he doesn’t have to come to work today.”
Talking to Your Kids
ME: I hope when you and Jeremy are over at Jessica’s house, that you include her in your activities, not just ignore her because she’s a girl and do your own stuff.
HIM: Dude, she’s a STU-pido!
At the Ballpark
Nothing like this ever happens when I go to the ballpark.
The story doesn’t give the woman’s height and weight — it may have been newsworthy in that 28-year-old women normally don’t keel over and die after a short run.
At least one paper elected — somewhat insensitively, I think — to run news of the woman’s death in a baseball roundup column, immediately followed by the mesmerizing news that the Blue Jays activated Carlos Delgado from the 15-day DL.
“Hiring the Best” Explained
An employer is always somewhat reassured by the ignominiousness of his staff. At all costs the slave should be slightly, even much, to be despised. A mass of chronic blemishes, moral and physical, are a justification of the fate which is overwhelming him. The world gets along better that way, because then each man stands in it in the place he deserves.
A being who is useful to you should be low, flat, prone to weakness; that is what’s comforting; especially as Baryton paid us really very badly. In cases of acute avarice like this, employers are always a bit suspicious and uneasy. A failure, a debauchee, a black sheep, a devoted black sheep, all that made sense, justified things, fitted in, in fact. Baryton would have been on the whole rather pleased if I had been slightly wanted by the police. That always makes for real devotion.
Related Links
Edsger Dijkstra, 1930-2002
I mean, if 10 years from now, when you are doing something quick and dirty, you suddenly visualize that I am looking over your shoulders and say to yourself, ‘Dijkstra would not have liked this,’ well, that would be enough immortality for me.
Dijkstra, a pioneer in computer science and structured programming, has died of cancer at age 72.
He was widely known for his note “Go To Statement Considered Harmful” — published in the March 1968 Communications of the ACM — which fired the first salvo in the structured programming wars.
(For an opposing viewpoint, see “Real Programmers Don’t Use Pascal.”)
Reportedly, the ACM considered the resulting acrimony sufficiently harmful that it will, by policy, no longer print an article taking so assertive a position against a coding practice.
Use of titles of the form “X Considered Y” remains a persistent in-joke.
Another in-joke: Dijkstra and his wife enjoyed exploring state and national parks in a Volkswagen camper van called the Touring Machine.
Related Links
- EWD Archive
Dijkstra’s collected papers are maintained by the University of Texas at Austin.
People I Thought Were Dead
- Ralph Edwards – game show host
- Red Schoendienst – baseball player and manager
- Pete Seeger – folk singer/songwriter
Updates
- Ralph Edwards – died 11/16/2005, age 92
- Red Schoendienst – died 6/6/2018, age 95
- Pete Seeger – died 1/24/2014, age 94
Ironic Twist of the Year Award
Leaving men wholly, totally free
To do anything they wish to do but die . . .
According to Slate, if NRA president Charlton Heston does in fact develop full-blown Alzheimer’s disease, California state law would compel him to surrender his firearms.
Introducing a 9-Year-Old to Van Morrison
I can hear her heartbeat for a thousand miles . . .
“That’s impossible!”
Parenting Paradox
How do you love someone so much knowing that you’re going to lose them — that in fact you are losing them a little bit every day?
Different Drummers
In high school, I was in the school orchestra. There were no auditions; it was just a class you could sign up for, independent of whether or not you had any musical ability.
And when a student with no musical ability signed up for the orchestra, what transpired was something like this:
Director: What instrument do you play?
Student: I don’t really play an instrument.
Director: You’re in the percussion section.
There were three or four of us in the percussion section who could actually read music and play it, so it was kind of depressing that it was mainly a backwater where musical illiterates were sent to bang on cowbells . . .
I recollected my days as a high-school percussionist today when one of our tech leads — tech leads — pulled up some javadocs and announced that a method we were using was “depreciated.”
Now if this cretin is not familiar with the term “deprecated” — which he certainly should be — but since he isn’t, you’d think he might at least be capable of reading or sounding out his own language.
But no such luck there either.
Ever since the dot-com boom wiped out the hiring standards for the software business, this is what’s become of a once-noble profession.
Clang! Crash! Boom!
Thus spoke The Programmer.
The Outing
There are no bad soldiers, only bad officers.
Tuesday, June 11
To: Developers
From: Director, Software Development
Subject: OutingWe are planning a outing to D&B1 on Friday 21 at 2 pm. I need to know who will be able to attend as we have to make the required arrangements.
Please RSVP to me by tomorrow morning.
1Dave and Buster’s, a restaurant featuring multiple bars and a huge video arcade.
Monday, June 24
To: Developers
From: Director, Software Development
Subject: OutingIn future if you RSVP to a planned outing please have the decency to show up. Since [the CEO] paid for this out of his own funds it shows a total lack of respect for him and the company. I would not be expecting any type of recognition from the company for commitment and work effort in the future since it was thrown back in his face. I am embraced1 to be part of the development team, other teams wanted to know why does development get this outing and not them, and then for most people not to show up after you all RSVP that you will be coming. When [the COO] and I try stand up for the department and this is the reward it makes it hard to justify anything in the future.
For those that did show up thanks. It is appreciated and I know who the people are that made the effort.
1He must have meant “embarrassed.”
Somewhere there’s a software manager who would have recognized this incident as the red flag that it is — that developer morale is abysmal — and would have set about pondering ways in which it might be improved, rather than exacerbating the situation by sending out an email insulting everyone.
The final paragraph is really the capper. I can tell you that the manager who sent these emails would much rather drink and play video games than spend the afternoon working, and rest assured that like-minded individuals will be taken under his inebriated wing.
Thus spoke The Programmer.
The Greatest Golfer Who Never Won a Major
The only person who remembers if you finish second is your wife and your dog — and that’s if you have a good wife and a good dog.
Believe it or not, there was once a time when great golfers actually won majors . . .
Soccer Balls
Testicle cancer rates for World Cup nations ranked
Like they say, here’s one that won’t show up in the box score . . .
Quietus
ORANGE COUNTY, CA – A 26-year-old Sacramento man was stabbed to death late Tuesday in front of a Garden Grove apartment where he was visiting residents, police said.
Probably the only way to stop him whining about the Lakers-Kings series . . .
Watching the NBA Finals with a 3rd Grader
The Nets have new uniforms. See, it says ‘New Jersey’ right on the front.
On Nets guard Lucious Harris shooting 2-for-23: “They’d be better off having Lucious Malfoy [a wizard in the Harry Potter books]. He could point his wand at the ball and make it go in the basket.
Another Difference Between USC and UCLA
NBC analyst Bill Walton attended UCLA. FOX Sports analysts Marques Johnson and Jack Haley also went to UCLA.
Los Angeles Lakers owner Jerry Buss attended USC.
Coherence
The Vatican’s Fides news service weighs in on the fashion of wearing crosses decorated with diamonds and other precious stones:
Is it consistent with the Gospel to spend millions on a copy of the sacred symbol of the Christian faith and perhaps forget that there are people all over the world who suffer and die of hunger?
In other Church news, Time magazine’s report on church finances indicates that Boston’s Cardinal Law lives in a $130 million residence, the Detroit diocese owns an $18 million golf and conference center, and the Providence diocese owns a $22 million dollar mansion that it rents out for parties.
Meanwhile, the cardinal of the Chicago diocese has to make do with a $10 million residence, which may need to be sold off to cover sex-abuse claims.
Embracing Couple Killed By Train
A young couple in New Jersey held hands and stepped in front of an Amtrak train, electing to be simultaneously obliterated in one final embrace.
Relatives told The Associated Press that the couple were drug addicts who had been evicted from their apartment and saw suicide as their only way out, which takes a lot of the romance out of the story as far as I’m concerned . . .
Warhol’s Prophecy
I wish Andy Warhol was around to see that his most famous prophecy — that everyone will eventually enjoy 15 minutes of fame — came true with a vengeance. Talk shows opened the stage door to trailer park America, and now game shows are celebrating anyone who knows the capital of Spain or who marries a potential wife-beater on camera . . .
The Modern Critic
‘This book [Judith Levine’s Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children from Sex] encourages children to have sex, and that is very, very dangerous,’ Bill O’Reilly said on his show. He also provided a sampling of the complaints against the book, calling it ‘vile,’ ‘disgusting,’ ‘insane,’ ‘perverted,’ ‘sick stuff,’ ‘outrageous,’ and ‘evil.’ (He also admitted on air that he hasn’t read it.) [Emph. added]