How do you love someone so much knowing that you’re going to lose them — that in fact you are losing them a little bit every day?
Different Drummers
In high school, I was in the school orchestra. There were no auditions; it was just a class you could sign up for, independent of whether or not you had any musical ability.
And when a student with no musical ability signed up for the orchestra, what transpired was something like this:
Director: What instrument do you play?
Student: I don’t really play an instrument.
Director: You’re in the percussion section.
There were three or four of us in the percussion section who could actually read music and play it, so it was kind of depressing that it was mainly a backwater where musical illiterates were sent to bang on cowbells . . .
I recollected my days as a high-school percussionist today when one of our tech leads — tech leads — pulled up some javadocs and announced that a method we were using was “depreciated.”
Now if this cretin is not familiar with the term “deprecated” — which he certainly should be — but since he isn’t, you’d think he might at least be capable of reading or sounding out his own language.
But no such luck there either.
Ever since the dot-com boom wiped out the hiring standards for the software business, this is what’s become of a once-noble profession.
Clang! Crash! Boom!
Thus spoke The Programmer.
The Outing
There are no bad soldiers, only bad officers.
Tuesday, June 11
To: Developers
From: Director, Software Development
Subject: OutingWe are planning a outing to D&B1 on Friday 21 at 2 pm. I need to know who will be able to attend as we have to make the required arrangements.
Please RSVP to me by tomorrow morning.
1Dave and Buster’s, a restaurant featuring multiple bars and a huge video arcade.
Monday, June 24
To: Developers
From: Director, Software Development
Subject: OutingIn future if you RSVP to a planned outing please have the decency to show up. Since [the CEO] paid for this out of his own funds it shows a total lack of respect for him and the company. I would not be expecting any type of recognition from the company for commitment and work effort in the future since it was thrown back in his face. I am embraced1 to be part of the development team, other teams wanted to know why does development get this outing and not them, and then for most people not to show up after you all RSVP that you will be coming. When [the COO] and I try stand up for the department and this is the reward it makes it hard to justify anything in the future.
For those that did show up thanks. It is appreciated and I know who the people are that made the effort.
1He must have meant “embarrassed.”
Somewhere there’s a software manager who would have recognized this incident as the red flag that it is — that developer morale is abysmal — and would have set about pondering ways in which it might be improved, rather than exacerbating the situation by sending out an email insulting everyone.
The final paragraph is really the capper. I can tell you that the manager who sent these emails would much rather drink and play video games than spend the afternoon working, and rest assured that like-minded individuals will be taken under his inebriated wing.
Thus spoke The Programmer.
The Greatest Golfer Who Never Won a Major
The only person who remembers if you finish second is your wife and your dog — and that’s if you have a good wife and a good dog.
Believe it or not, there was once a time when great golfers actually won majors . . .
Soccer Balls
Testicle cancer rates for World Cup nations ranked
Like they say, here’s one that won’t show up in the box score . . .
Quietus
ORANGE COUNTY, CA – A 26-year-old Sacramento man was stabbed to death late Tuesday in front of a Garden Grove apartment where he was visiting residents, police said.
Probably the only way to stop him whining about the Lakers-Kings series . . .
Watching the NBA Finals with a 3rd Grader
The Nets have new uniforms. See, it says ‘New Jersey’ right on the front.
On Nets guard Lucious Harris shooting 2-for-23: “They’d be better off having Lucious Malfoy [a wizard in the Harry Potter books]. He could point his wand at the ball and make it go in the basket.
Another Difference Between USC and UCLA
NBC analyst Bill Walton attended UCLA. FOX Sports analysts Marques Johnson and Jack Haley also went to UCLA.
Los Angeles Lakers owner Jerry Buss attended USC.
Coherence
The Vatican’s Fides news service weighs in on the fashion of wearing crosses decorated with diamonds and other precious stones:
Is it consistent with the Gospel to spend millions on a copy of the sacred symbol of the Christian faith and perhaps forget that there are people all over the world who suffer and die of hunger?
In other Church news, Time magazine’s report on church finances indicates that Boston’s Cardinal Law lives in a $130 million residence, the Detroit diocese owns an $18 million golf and conference center, and the Providence diocese owns a $22 million dollar mansion that it rents out for parties.
Meanwhile, the cardinal of the Chicago diocese has to make do with a $10 million residence, which may need to be sold off to cover sex-abuse claims.
Embracing Couple Killed By Train
A young couple in New Jersey held hands and stepped in front of an Amtrak train, electing to be simultaneously obliterated in one final embrace.
Relatives told The Associated Press that the couple were drug addicts who had been evicted from their apartment and saw suicide as their only way out, which takes a lot of the romance out of the story as far as I’m concerned . . .
Warhol’s Prophecy
I wish Andy Warhol was around to see that his most famous prophecy — that everyone will eventually enjoy 15 minutes of fame — came true with a vengeance. Talk shows opened the stage door to trailer park America, and now game shows are celebrating anyone who knows the capital of Spain or who marries a potential wife-beater on camera . . .
The Modern Critic
‘This book [Judith Levine’s Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children from Sex] encourages children to have sex, and that is very, very dangerous,’ Bill O’Reilly said on his show. He also provided a sampling of the complaints against the book, calling it ‘vile,’ ‘disgusting,’ ‘insane,’ ‘perverted,’ ‘sick stuff,’ ‘outrageous,’ and ‘evil.’ (He also admitted on air that he hasn’t read it.) [Emph. added]
Dogfood
The netscape.com domain, which is owned by AOL, has replaced its Netscape-Enterprise servers with AOLServer.
Repeat: netscape.com no longer runs on Netscape servers.
Also: netscape.co.uk now runs Apache, while in France, netscape.fr runs Microsoft-IIS.
Senegal 1, France 0
In a historic upset, Senegal, making its first appearance in World Cup competition, defeats France, the defending champs.
Senegal was a French colony until 1960.
Ironically, France has previously scored a number of impressive victories against the African colonies, although it must be noted that they were competing with guns against spears in those matchups.
USC Alumni Notes
Are You Being Served?
The Guardian sends writers to bookstores to test the staffs’ literary knowledge:
I point to the word ‘jawbo’ on page 330 [of Joyce’s Ulysses]. ‘That’s not a word,’ I say. ‘Mmmm,’ he says. ‘It’s rare that publishers make a mistake like that.’
Word of the Day
sang-froid, also sangfroid \sang-FRWAH\, noun: Freedom from agitation or excitement of mind; coolness in trying circumstances; calmness.
Sang-froid is from the French; it literally means “cold blood” (sang, “blood” + froid, “cold”).
Ask a 3rd Grader
If Amelia Earhart were alive today, what do you think she would be doing?
If Amelia Earhart was alive today, she would be doing things that are not dangerous because she would be 105 years old.
Welcome to Irvine!
Education is important in our community . . .
Word came home last week that this year’s Stanford 9 testing starts the first week of May. Immediately, my wife got a call from another mom announcing that she’s cancelling all play dates through the end of the testing period so her kid can spend every waking moment on test prep.
The gauntlet has been thrown!
Meanwhile, in business news, thanks to the tech meltdown, office space vacancy rates in southern Orange County continue to hover around 30 percent. The screaming rent deals this creates were enough to induce the company I work with to pack everything up and move one off-ramp further south on the 405 . . .
Kidding Around
Parents who joke in a light-hearted fashion during tense or stressful situations may make their children feel more comfortable and accepted, less anxious, and more willing to communicate in a positive manner.
This is according to a study done at Arizona State University.
My kid’s reaction: “Go, Arizona State! If USC [where I went to school] is so great, why didn’t they figure that out?”