Author Archive: Paul Epps

Welcome to “The Obama Show”

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During the eight years of the Bush administration, liberal outlets such as the Huffington Post often accused the White House of planting questioners in news conferences to ask preplanned questions. But here was Obama fielding a preplanned question asked by a planted questioner — from the Huffington Post. — washingtonpost.com Read more →

Cat People

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My wife and I saw Up yesterday at the Irvine Spectrum. The movie features a “talking” dog — a whole pack of talking dogs actually. When the main dog character meets the main human character, the dog jumps up, licks his face and says, “I have just met you and I love you.” If dogs could talk, that’s exactly what they’d say. After the movie, we walked over to Spectrum Pets and looked at a puggle puppy. Same reaction — jumping, face licking. I have just met you and I love you. Of course, there are some people who feel that they don’t deserve this kind of unconditional love. We call them “cat people.” Read more →

Church Camp

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My son’s at a church camp in San Jose for the next week. He doesn’t actually go to the church, but friends of his do, and he’s been to this camp with them before and liked it. He left yesterday morning, which was Fathers Day. That’s the first thing I don’t like about this camp, that they take the kids on Fathers Day. The next thing I don’t like is that they collect the kids’ cell phones when they arrive, so they can’t call home except in cases of emergency. “I thought churches were supposed to teach kids to honor their parents,” I say to my wife. (She’s not sympathetic to this line of inquiry. She thinks all churchgoers are good people although I’ve never been able to see the correlation.) “They’re probably up there right now telling the boy his dad is going to hell . . .” Read more →

Feeling the Burn

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It’s a warm early summer day here in Southern California. As I come back to the office from lunch, a colleague is setting up one of those windshield screens to keep the sun from shining into her car all afternoon. Toughen up, sweetie. I like my steering wheel to be blazing hot when I return to my vehicle. The pain reminds me I’m alive. AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Read more →

Too Much Collegiality

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The men’s and women’s restrooms at our office face each other across a hallway. Neither one of them has a double-door entry for privacy. If you push open the door to the men’s room, you’re looking at a row of sinks, but if you’re coming out of the men’s room at the same time someone opens the door to the ladies’ room, you’re looking right at the stalls, including ankles and feet if anyone’s in them. I’m all for collegiality in the workplace, but isn’t this overdoing it? Even at home, I don’t mind if people close the bathroom door . . . Read more →

Time Flies

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My son’s been out of school for two days now . . . “Summer’s going by so fast,” he moans. “Is that supposed to be funny?” I ask him. “It’s almost July already,” he says. Read more →

School’s Out

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Today was the last day of school here in Irvine . . . “Can I get a ride to Orchard Park?” my son asks. He has friends that he meets there to play basketball. “Did you check with Mom?” I ask. “I don’t have to check with Mom,” he says. “I’m out of school now.” “So you don’t have to check with Mom?” “No. Not any more.”   After he checks with his mom, I drive him over to the park. Actually, he drives to the park and I ride along. As we’re approaching a red light at Jeffrey and Trabuco, he says, “I’ll stop the car so you can’t even feel it.” This is something I showed him how to do. I’m pretty good at it, but he goes through so many slow-motion false stops and starts that by the time he’s done, the car is almost entirely in… Read more →

We’ve Fallen Behind France in Moral Fortitude

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The President yesterday denounced the “extent of the fraud” and the “shocking” and “brutal” response of the Iranian regime to public demonstrations in Tehran these past four days. “These elections are an atrocity,” he said. “If [Mahmoud] Ahmadinejad had made such progress since the last elections, if he won two-thirds of the vote, why such violence?” The statement named the regime as the cause of the outrage in Iran and, without meddling or picking favorites, stood up for Iranian democracy. The President who spoke those words was France’s Nicolas Sarkozy. — WSJ.com Read more →

Halfway Through High School

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Tomorrow’s the last day of school here in Irvine. I walk by my son’s room . . . he’s studying for his last finals and listening to bebop piano music, which is not on his normal playlist. “What you listening to, Mr. Noodling Jazz Musician?” I ask. “Thelonious Monk,” he says. “Is that part of an assignment?” I know he’s been studying the Harlem Renaissance in English. “No, it just helps me study.” He’s in 10th grade now . . . he continues to improve his study habits and time management so I pretty much let him do things the way he wants to. “OK. Let me know if you need anything.” By this time tomorrow, my little boy will be halfway done with high school . . . Read more →

Doomsday Cometh

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Credit: Paula Wirth I saw my brother for the first time in years this past weekend. He’s been living in Utah but he’s now on his way to Alaska to escape the coming Armageddon. Canada and Mexico will be invading the United States from the top and bottom . . . I’ve forgotten the details, but it’s going to be bad. I don’t know why he was informed about this and I wasn’t. I’m not moving to Alaska though. I’m not a cold-weather person. They can kill me right here in a pair of shorts . . . Read more →

The Streets of Irvine Were Deserted

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It was like a ghost town yesterday. The Lakers were playing a close-out game. It’s Finals Week at the local high schools. Everyone young and old had something to do. My own 10th-grade boy spent 12 hours Saturday studying at the Barnes and Noble cafe at the Marketplace, followed by an Extreme English Breakdown session yesterday at Starbucks on Culver . . . Good luck, students! Read more →

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