There’s a guy at work who tells me he’s the best IT customer in the organization. When I ask him why he’s the best IT customer, he says it’s because he understands that we in IT are very busy so he doesn’t bug us too much. That’s funny because the person I think is our best customer is just the opposite — she knows what she wants, and she doesn’t mind being difficult if it leads to better results. Yes we’re busy, but we’re trying to do this stuff as well as we can do it and it helps to get a sense from the customer that the work is important and that doing it well is worthwhile. Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Pond Hockey
“I wish I could go back and be eight years old again for a couple days . . .” Read more →
The Bloody Olive: A Christmas Film Noir
Blago’s Football
This guy is beyond satire: [Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich] rarely turns up for work at his official state office in Chicago, former employees say, is unapologetically late to almost everything, and can treat employees with disdain, cursing and erupting in fury for failings as mundane as neglecting to have at hand at all times his preferred black Paul Mitchell hairbrush. He calls the brush “the football,” an allusion to the “nuclear football,” or the bomb codes never to be out of reach of a president. — International Herald Tribune Read more →
Stormy Weather
The first storm of the season is rolling through Southern California, which means it’s time to bring back the time-honored tradition of sending female TV reporters out to do live weather remotes. I saw a woman on TV this morning standing in a blizzard to tell me that it’s snowing in the Cajon Pass. Really?! It always snows in the Cajon Pass. She could have told me the same thing from inside a heated studio. Some day, one of these women is going to get pneumonia or frostbite and sue this whole sadistic practice out of existence . . . Read more →
Higher Education May Soon Be Unaffordable
The rising cost of college — even before the recession — threatens to put higher education out of reach for most Americans, according to the biennial report from the National Center for Public Policy and Higher Education. — NYTimes.com Good! Long overdue! There are way, way, way too many unqualified people getting college degrees. Higher education has been devalued to the point that you can’t swing a cat without knocking down some idiot with a graduate degree. Read more →
Time Management
DOGBERT (typing): “Always postpone meetings with time-wasting morons.” DILBERT (reading over his shoulder): How do you do that? DOGBERT: Can I get back to you on that? — Scott Adams Read more →
The Man Who Wasn’t There
I thought I saw one of the dads from my kid’s high school roller hockey team at L.A. Fitness this morning. He was riding a stationary bike and there was no way I could get where I wanted to go without walking past him. Great . . . now I’m going to have to take time out of my workout to acknowledge this guy and talk to him. I hate talking to people when I’m working out. That’s why I come in here at 5 in the morning — because it’s not crowded and I don’t have to talk to anybody. If this guy’s going to start coming in at 5 and I have to talk to him every morning — even if it’s just to say hello — I swear to Jesus I’m going to start coming in at 4. Thank god it wasn’t him after all . .… Read more →
A T-Shirt with a Gorilla on It
I took my boy to Souplantation for dinner after his hockey game. An Indian kid in the line across from us was wearing a t-shirt with a gorilla on it. “That Indian guy has a cool shirt,” my son said. “I’d rock that.” “I’d sport that,” he said. “I’d don that,” he said. “I’d . . .” “I get it. Now shut up so I can focus on my salad.” Read more →
I Didn’t Get a Pizza Square
The free sample stand at Trader Joe’s has pizza squares today. They look delicious! Unfortunately, there are only two left and just ahead of me is a woman with a toddler in her shopping cart. I’m thinking Just take one and leave one for me but no, she takes both, hands one to the toddler, who immediately drops it face down on the floor . . . Read more →
Best 10-Word Explanation of Why the Big 3 Bailout Should Die
We simply cannot ask the American taxpayer to subsidize failure. — Mitch McConnell Read more →
An African-American Name
My son needs an African-American name for a character he created in NFL Street. “How about Kareem of Wheat?” I suggest. He decides to go with Delondre McWreck . . . Read more →
A Mixed Blessing
Reviewing the EppsNet balance sheet: investment accounts down, home equity down. My wife says at least we have our health. Even that’s a mixed blessing as my retirement planning currently includes dying young before the money runs out . . . Read more →
EppsNet Snack Bar Reviews: Planet Hockey
For some reason, they’ve stopped selling the chicken teriyaki bowls that used to be the highlight of my visits to this West Covina rink. I asked the woman at the counter about it and she couldn’t explain it. She was as dumbfounded as I was. I noticed that the new sausage, egg and cheese muffins were selling like hotcakes so I decided to try one of those. (Ironically, they have hotcakes on the menu and those weren’t selling at all.) The muffins were delicious — prepared fresh, not like the heat-lamped ones you get at a fast-food place — which sort of made up for the inexplicable discontinuation of the teriyaki bowls. Unfortunately, the soft pretzels were small and overcooked, and I had to deduct a star for that. Rating: Two stars (out of five). Read more →
Easily Annoyed
Someone asked me if getting easily annoyed with people makes her a bad person. No — you can be easily annoyed and still be a good person. In fact, I think being easily annoyed makes me a better person, because it forces those around me to improve. But seriously, it helps sometimes to remind myself that no matter how it looks, most people are trying to be helpful — in their own annoying way . . . Read more →
The Postman Always Rings Twice
“Earlier in this case, at a bail hearing, I said to Mr. Simpson, I didn’t know if he was arrogant, ignorant or both,” [District Judge Jackie] Glass said. “During the trial and through this proceeding, I got the answer, and it was both.” — CNN.com Read more →
Wife “Accidentally” Shot During Sex
SPRINGFIELD, Ohio — A Tri-State woman is in critical condition Wednesday after police say her husband shot her while they were having sex. — “Man Says Wife Was Accidentally Shot During Sex”, WLWT Cincinnati After you’ve been married for a while, you have to try new things in the bedroom to keep it interesting . . . Read more →
Movin’ On Up!
BOSTON (AP) — Paul Benedict, the actor who played the English neighbor Harry Bentley on the sitcom “The Jeffersons,” has died. He was 70. — Associated Press Read more →
A Tradition Returns
When I was growing up in Southern California, USC and UCLA both played home football games at the Coliseum. And every year, when the teams played each other, they both wore their home uniforms — the Trojans wore cardinal jerseys and the Bruins wore blue. That tradition ended in 1982, when UCLA began playing home games at the Rose Bowl, because NCAA rule 1-4-3-a states that “the visiting team shall wear white jerseys.” Twenty-six years later, the tradition returns. Pete Carroll announced today that when the Trojans come out of the locker room at the Rose Bowl this Saturday, they’ll be wearing cardinal jerseys, in violation of NCAA rule 1-4-3-a. They will then be assessed a penalty of one timeout per half. Wait, what — they lose two timeouts?! OMG, they might NEED those timeouts! Oh sure, USC is heavily favored but it’s a RIVALRY game! Throw the record books… Read more →
American Tune
Oh, and it’s all right, it’s all right, it’s all right You can’t be forever blessed Still, tomorrow’s going to be another working day And I’m trying to get some rest That’s all I’m trying To get some rest — Paul Simon, “American Tune” Read more →