It used to be that a handful of editors could decide what was news–and what was not. They acted as sort of demigods. If they ran a story, it became news. If they ignored an event, it never happened. Today, editors are losing this power. The Internet, for example, provides access to thousands of new sources that cover things an editor might ignore. And if you aren’t satisfied with that, you can start up your own blog, and cover and comment on the news yourself. Journalists like to think of themselves as watchdogs, but they haven’t always responded well when the public calls them to account. A recent American study reported that many editors and reporters simply do not trust their readers to make good decisions. Let’s be clear about what this means. This is a polite way of saying that these editors and reporters think their readers are… Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
A Perfect Game
I was reading about a guy, 62 years old, been bowling in the same league for 45 years . . . he achieves his lifelong dream of bowling a perfect 300 game, and then, to make it even more perfect, immediately keels over and dies. What a way to go! It’s so important to die at the right time if you want to be remembered at your best. Actuarially speaking, 62 years is not a long lifespan. But let’s say the guy had lived another 20 years — he would have accomplished nothing and probably wasted away in an old-age home. Who wants to be remembered like that? Poor guy. Look at him. Would you believe that 20 years ago he bowled a perfect game? Read more →
Love in the Parking Lot
I stop the car to let a man and woman cross the parking lot in front of us. The man is fat and hairy. The woman is rubbing his neck affectionately. I say to my son, “That’s what I need is a woman who worships me, even if I’m a fat, hairy slob. Which I’m not, so I should get twice as much neck rubbing.” Read more →
Sting Operation
What a humanitarian! And what did he do next? Set them free? Free, free, set them free . . . Read more →
With Friends Like That . . .
Ouch! What did he do to people he didn’t like? Read more →
Design Breakthrough of the Week
I saw one of these upside-down bottles at Black Angus the other night . . . The frustrated diner battling a ketchup bottle is part of our cultural vocabulary, and the solution turns out to be as simple as turning the problem upside down!? I couldn’t decide if this was a stroke of brilliance or whether we’re all fools for not thinking of it decades ago . . . Read more →
Clothing-Optional Voting
LAND O’ LAKES, Fla. (AP) – A nudist community on Florida’s west coast wants to establish the first clothing-optional polling site. The Caliente Resorts, located in Pasco County north of Tampa, has approached election officials about the idea. — Breitbart.com Overheard at Florida’s clothing-optional polling place: Hey, Chad! How’s it hanging? Read more →
Autumn Haikus
Originally uploaded by ahp_ibanez On a withered bough A crow alone is perching, Autumn evening now. — Basho The wild geese take flight Low along the railroad tracks In the moonlit night. — Shiki Read more →
You’re Blocking My View of the Band!
The Handsome Men in Our Family
We’ve got plenty of mirrors in the house, but for some reason, our son has come into our room to comb his hair in our mirror . . . “What a handsome boy!” his mom says. I say, “Like his pappy.” “He’s got me in him too,” she says. “My dad was handsome. And my uncles are very handsome. You haven’t seen them.” I can’t resist mentioning that her brother, who I have seen, is anything but handsome. “I don’t know what happened to him,” she says. Read more →
No Accountability Without Volition
There is no accountability without volition, you’ve noticed, right? You can’t go “You got to ship that by November 1st and I am holding you accountable.” It doesn’t work that way. You can’t hold someone else accountable, you’ve got to hold yourself accountable. It’s just like you can’t motivate someone else; you got to motivate yourself. And the more that you motivate people and hold them accountable, the more infantile they become. — Jim McCarthy Read more →
We Are Not (Just) Nerds
One thing that I resent about our computer culture is that they say we are nerds and that nerds don’t get along with people. I think that’s just insane. We are not just nerds — we are nerds, I mean, look at us! But we are not just nerds, we are like the priests or something in the Middle Ages, we are the Lords and Ladies of Logic. We are in charge of rationality for our era. We are bringing common sense and good practice and sound judgment and aggregated wisdom and glory to everyone. That’s our job. — Jim McCarthy I posted this quote on a blog at work and IT people were calling each other nerds all day. Good morning, nerd! How’s it going, nerd? Being a nerd felt like, like being a hero — just for one day. Read more →
Happy Halloween
Halloween memories . . . Read more →
The Lost Art of the Hickey
One of my co-workers came to the office today with an obvious hickey between her neck and shoulder, but she thought I was juvenile for noticing it. “How old are you again?” she asked. “Old enough to remember hickeys obviously.” “Don’t you mean ‘Not too old to have forgotten hickeys’? You think young people don’t know what hickeys are?” Maybe I should have said, “Old enough to remember when hickeys were a standard element of the teenage repertoire.” But actually, I don’t think kids know what hickeys are. I haven’t even heard the word “hickey” in years. I think hickeys, like plaid pants, are a relic of a bygone era. Girls are much more forward now, if the messages in my son’s yearbooks are any indication. If girls are offering oral sex in junior high school, what are you going to say? “Can I give you a hickey first”? P.S.… Read more →
Plaid Pants
In the process of rearranging things in the house last weekend, my wife found a box of pictures of me as a boy and showed them to our son. “Dude, those were funny,” he says. “There’s one of you sitting on a motorcycle –” He makes an angry face and pantomimes driving a motorcycle. “Vroom! Vroom! And you’re wearing — ha, ha — you’re wearing a pair of –” Now he’s laughing so hard he can hardly talk, but he manages to spit out “– plaid pants!” before collapsing in a coughing, sputtering fit. I explain to him that plaid pants were popular in the 1970s. “Mom!” he yells downstairs. “Where’s that box of pictures of Dad?” “Under the desk in the den,” she yells back. “I’ve seen those pictures,” I say, “so if you’re planning to show them to me and laugh about it, you’re wasting your time.” “I’ve… Read more →
Father-Son Conversations
FATHER: Would you take out the trash please? SON: Are you KIDDING?! I’m doing homework! I’ll take out the trash if you read To Kill a Mockingbird and tell me what each chapter is about. FATHER: I’ve read To Kill a Mockingbird. You want to know what it’s about? ‘Racism is Bad.’ Now take out the garbage. SON: Mom said my dinner was going to be ready by now and she hasn’t even started cooking it yet. FATHER: You’re a big boy. Why don’t you make something yourself? SON: I’m really not happy with the service I’m receiving here. SON: So was Mom pretty horny when you first met her? FATHER: Oh Jesus . . . Read more →
A Subtle Reminder
I get a call at work from my wife, who says, “I logged on to the credit union web site and a message popped up and said ‘Happy Birthday!’” “Your birthday’s not till tomorrow.” “And I got a Happy Birthday email from Newport Lexus. Wasn’t that nice?” “It sure was.” “I hope people close to me don’t forget about it . . .” Read more →
Girls are a Distraction
My son’s looking forward to February when his braces come off . . . “Throw some Crest whitening strips on there and the sky’s the limit as far as girlfriends are concerned,” he says. “Girls are a distraction right now,” his mom says. “You need to focus on academics.” “Mom’s right,” I say. “Having a wife or a girlfriend is like taking a 5-year-old to the mall. You can’t go as fast as you want to because the 5-year-old can’t keep up the pace. And you’re not going to be able to accomplish the things you want to accomplish . . .” “Don’t give the boy a bad attitude,” she says. “. . . because the 5-year-old is . . .” “Whatever you’re going to say . . .” “. . . monopolizing your attention . . .” “. . . don’t say it.” “. . . with her juvenile… Read more →
Bad Dog
Originally uploaded by Bruno_Brujah Read more →
Noises Off
Fingernails on a chalkboard? Doesn’t bother me in the least. But I don’t like the sound of people chewing their food. Sometimes I have to remind people in my family to please chew with their mouth closed. Is that an unreasonable request? I wouldn’t think so . . . “The dog makes all kinds of noises. Why don’t you complain about that?” “The dog is an animal,” I explain very slowly. “I was thinking we could hold ourselves to a higher standard. Why don’t you take a crap on the parkway in front of someone’s house? The dog does it! It must be okay!” Read more →