My wife tells me the Gary’s Island store in Newport Beach is going out of business. I hope it’s not true. It’s a great store, but I suppose in a down economy, high-end Hawaiian shirts are even more of a luxury item than usual . . . Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
PSAT Testing
I’m dropping my son off at the high school for PSAT testing this morning. We’re part of a huge, slow procession of cars moving into the school. My son’s yelling, “You people are all nerds for taking this test!” Then a note of realization: “But wait . . .” Read more →
The Audition
My son’s a percussionist in the Northwood High Wind Ensemble this year. It’s an advanced ensemble . . . he’s a sophomore and most of the kids in there are juniors and seniors. They had auditions last week for section leader. I asked him leading up to the auditions if he’d been practicing his audition pieces because I never heard him practicing anything. “I practice at school,” he said, “but my chances aren’t very good. There are some older kids who are better than me.” This kid drives me nuts sometimes with his low-key approach to things. My approach to an audition would have been very different. I would have practiced like a madman and showed up ready to kick some ass, because I’ve got zero self-confidence and I over-compensate in certain types of situations. Anyway, the results are now in and the boy made section leader after all. I… Read more →
Prop 8 Ramifications
My son asks how I’m voting on Proposition 8, so I tell him, “I’m not sure I really care that much one way or the other. The amazing thing to me is that same-sex couples actually want to get married. If I hadn’t been allowed to get married, I could have avoided a lot of problems. “On the other hand, if we get rid of the ‘one man, one woman’ requirement, I’m planning to turn the house into a polygamy compound with Lucy Liu and Scarlett Johanssen as my new wives. “Bad choices,” he says. “Who would you pick?” “Jessica Biel.” “Okay, we’ll get her too.” Read more →
The One Most Important Thing
The first rule of thumb I pull out of my hat for myself and for my clients is this. Before you start working every day ask yourself “What is the one most important thing I could do today?” This is different than what you have to do or what you should do. It is the most important thing you could do. The answer, if you think carefully, is usually something that requires courage and integrity and not a lot of time. For instance, resolving an ongoing issue with a coworker or talking to your boss about the future of your career or hiring a personal trainer. When you consider To Do lists, they are infinite. In other words, there is an infinite amount of stuff you could do. So the best leverage you can get is making sure you do the most important thing first. It seems to be a… Read more →
Cat and Dog
Originally uploaded by Menacing Buddha Read more →
Trained Dogs
When Righteous Kill came out recently, the build-up was that it featured Robert De Niro and Al Pacino, “the most acclaimed actors of our time.” So what’s the big hit at the box office? Beverly Hills Chihuahua, a talking dog movie. When you’re “the most acclaimed X of our time” and you can be replaced by a trained dog, you know you’re in a stupid profession. Read more →
Santa Ana Winds
There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot dry Santa Anas that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands’ necks. Anything can happen. You can even get a full glass of beer at a cocktail lounge. — Raymond Chandler, “Red Wind” Read more →
They Grow Up Fast
My wife comes home with a new Tommy Bahama shirt for me — 60 percent off — “but they didn’t have anything for kids,” she explains to our son, who’s now 15 years old. “Ummm, I wear the same size as Dad,” he points out. Read more →
Hockey Moms vs. Soccer Moms
Hockey moms are pit bulls with lipstick. Soccer moms are cat burglars . . . Read more →
Another Reason I Like to Just Stay Home
Nigeria Rules
You may be thinking “Nigeria Rules” now, dude, but wait till all 86 of your wives have PMS at the same time . . . Read more →
Free Advice
At age 18, people care very much about what others think of them. By age 40, they learn not to worry what others think. By age 60, they figure out that no one was thinking about them in the first place. — Daniel Amen, M.D. I’ve messed up so many times because I was worried what other people would think of me. You’re perfect the way you are. The worst thing you can do is try to be what you think other people think you should be . . . Read more →
At the Lakers Game
My son and I went to the Lakers game last night, a pre-season game against Utah . . . Pre-game As we were walking in, he pointed out an Asian girl with a spiky-haired Asian guy wearing an Olympics jersey and said, “That guy with the Olympic jersey pulled a hotter Asian woman than you.” The girl was hotter than my wife is now, but not hotter than she was at that age. “You don’t know anything,” I said. “Mom was pretty hot.” “Yeah. Right.” Game Pretty good game! The starters played more than I thought they would. Andrew Bynum is back. He looked good! Jerry Buss was there. He looked terrible. Thirty minutes before the game, a guy rolled him out in a wheelchair to the end of the court. It took him several minutes to hobble from there to his courtside seat. My son said he had a… Read more →
Good News, Bad News
First the bad news: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THERE’S NOTHING BUT BAD NEWS! THE HOUSING MARKET HAS COLLAPSED! GLOBAL MARKETS ARE IMPLODING! EVERYTHING IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL! THE FALCON CANNOT HEAR THE FALCONER! THE CEREMONY OF INNOCENCE IS DROWNED! THE BEST LACK ALL CONVICTION WHILE THE WORST ARE FULL OF PASSIONATE INTENSITY! EVERYBODY PANIC! OK, now the good news: Hmmm . . . well . . . as long as I have a job, I can make enough to live on . . . I think . . . Read more →
Epigram
On love, on grief, on every human thing, Time sprinkles Lethe’s water with his wing. — Walter Savage Landor [Lethe is the river of forgetfulness. — Ed.] Read more →
That was Then, This is Now
Oct 3, 1995 Oct 3, 2008 Read more →
Raising the Confident Child
I know a guy — let’s call him Goofus . . . Goofus is dumb. I don’t mean that in a colloquial way. I don’t mean that he’s uneducated. I mean he clearly has a subnormal level of intelligence. The most striking thing about him though is that he’s completely unaware of his own limitations. I’ve never heard him utter anything but platitudes and nonsense but in his mind, he’s the most interesting man in the world. So many kids by the age of 12 or so have had their confidence in their own abilities extinguished by parents and teachers, that I really have to give Goofus’s parents a lot of credit. I’m not kidding. They raised a supremely confident idiot. Read more →
Pug Photos on Flickr
Originally uploaded by ♥ellie♥ Originally uploaded by ♥ellie♥ Originally uploaded by whiteribbon Originally uploaded by lhemmix_ph Originally uploaded by smeado Read more →