I was mathematically eliminated from college bowl pick ’em at the office with 13 games left. The leader — an Indian gentleman — is 15-2. I’m 11-6, but there are only three games left where he and I picked a different winner. At least I’m ahead of the woman who picked the games based on which of the mascots would win in a fight. If I’d won the thing, I probably wouldn’t mention that I actually let my son pick the games, my only rule being that he had to pick USC in the Rose Bowl . . . Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Call Me Kreskin
I preface some obvious remark to my son by saying “Call me Kreskin, but . . .” He jumps in and says, “OK, you’re crazy.” “I didn’t say ‘Call me crazy,’ I said ‘Call me Kreskin.” “You’re a kreskin.” “Kreskin,” I explain, “is a mind-reading guy. He makes predictions about things.” “Oh . . . then, you’re crazy.” Read more →
How Could We Lose to These Idiots?
As I sat in Northwood Pizza last night with my son’s roller hockey team, watching the last few minutes of Florida State’s 44-27 drubbing of UCLA, I was reminded of chess grandmaster Aron Nimzowitsch, who once, after losing a match, climbed on a table and shouted Why must I lose to this idiot? FIGHT ON! Read more →
Almost Famous
A friend of mine’s 13-year-old daughter will be appearing as an extra in an episode of My Name is Earl airing in a couple of months. I told my son, also 13, he should try to hook up with her before she gets too famous and the competiton heats up. He just made throat-cutting gestures and gagging noises, as he always does when the subject of the ladies comes up. Naturally, she’ll dump him as soon as she hits the big time, but that’s okay . . . I’ve got to believe that all these starlets put a lot more into pleasing their boyfriends before they were famous than they do now that a guy is lucky just to be with them in the first place . . . Read more →
A Family Secret
“Don’t buy us anything expensive for Christmas this year,” my mom says on the phone. “Save your money.” I diplomatically omit the fact that every year as the Yuletide approaches, my wife starts rummaging through the closets for things she doesn’t want, then wraps them up and gives them to my parents as Christmas presents. Read more →
Christmas in Australia
A christmas card from my brother-in-law, who lives with my wife’s sister and their two daughters outside Sydney: The sun is shining. The days are long and hot. We are in the first weeks of summer and the bush fires have just started. It must mean Christmas is just around the corner. Read more →
Useless Junk
I had three pieces of limestone on my desk, but I was terrified to find that they required to be dusted daily . . . and threw them out the window in disgust. Read more →
The Years Have Been Kind to Me
I was at the corporate office of a well-known company here in Irvine yesterday when I saw the name “Tim Jones” on one of the offices. “Hmmm,” I thought, “I used to work with a Tim Jones [not his real name] about 20 years ago. I wonder if it’s the same guy?” The door was closed, but I was able to peep through the glass as I walked by and saw what looked to be Tim Jones’ grandfather. It’s amazing how Tim Jones has fallen apart over the last 20 years while I myself have not aged a single day . . . Read more →
Waiting for the End of the World
While you’re waiting for the end of the world, have a look at this frightening interview, in which Jeff Stein, Congressional Quarterly‘s national security editor, talks to Silvestre Reyes (D-TX), incoming chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, about the major players in Islamic terrorism: Al Qaeda is what, I asked, Sunni or Shia? “Al Qaeda, they have both,” Reyes said. “You’re talking about predominately [sic]?” “Sure,” I said, not knowing what else to say. “Predominantly — probably Shiite,” he ventured. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Al Qaeda is profoundly Sunni. If a Shiite showed up at an al Qaeda club house, they’d slice off his head and use it for a soccer ball. That’s because the extremist Sunnis who make up al Qaeda consider all Shiites to be heretics. Al Qaeda’s Sunni roots account for its very existence. Osama bin Laden and his followers believe the Saudi Royal family… Read more →
You Can Have My Job
A co-worker — let’s call him Mr. Frick — in response to criticism from Mr. Frack, says, “You want my job, Frack? You can have it!” To which Frack responds, “OK. I’ve been doing it for a while now.” Read more →
Why Craigslist Doesn’t Have Text Ads
The privately held Craigslist has been approached about installing text ads on the site, and the potential revenue is “quite staggering,” [CEO Jim Buckmaster] said. But, Buckmaster deadpanned, “No users are suggesting we run text ads.” — Associated Press Craigslist is an exception to the rule that a lot of Internet companies talk about putting users first, but when it comes down to a tradeoff between what users want and a boatload of money, they go for the money. Read more →
Choosing the Right Breed
I saw this headline in the Orange County Register: Man fleeing burning Dana Point condo bitten by his dog My first thought was, “What kind of a dog turns on its owner in a crisis? It’s got to be a pit bull.” Sure enough . . . A pit bull spooked by the flames and smoke turned on his owner as the man tried to escape the flames with the dog in his arms. The man, who lived in the condo where the fire started, was badly bitten on both arms. The man left a trail of blood down the stairs. The dog was not hurt in the blaze. The dog wasn’t hurt, although an officer on the scene did offer to shoot the animal to keep the owner from being mangled any worse than he already was, an offer the owner declined. “Please don’t shoot my dog!” he pleaded.… Read more →
Snuggled
Originally uploaded by inajeep. Read more →
Grab a Shovel
Former President Jimmy Carter said Sunday he hopes to be buried in front of his home in Plains, the southwest Georgia town where he and his wife were born. — Associated Press Great idea! When can we get started on that? What? Oh, he means after he dies? Carter’s friend Hugo Chavez seems to be saying, “Let’s put the hole right here.” Read more →
Another Reason I Let My Wife Handle the Holiday Decorations
Aliso Viejo man dies after falling while hanging Christmas lights — Orange County Register This cautionary tale includes a helpful tip from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission: Falls from ladders or rooftops are comical in the movies, but in reality, they can be a very dangerous thing. Actually, falls from ladders and rooftops can be funny in real life too, but only when they happen to someone else. See also: Another Reason I Let My Wife Handle the Grocery Shopping Read more →
UCLA 13, USC 9
I am reminded of the lines from “The Hollow Men” by T.S. Eliot: Between the idea And the reality Between the motion And the act Falls the Shadow. FIGHT ON! Read more →
Criticisms of the Standard Waterfall Model
There have been a number of criticisms of the standard waterfall model, including Problems are not discovered until system testing. Requirements must be fixed before the system is designed — requirements evolution makes the development method unstable. Design and code work often turn up requirements inconsistencies, missing system components, and unexpected development needs. System performance cannot be tested until the system is almost coded; undercapacity may be difficult to correct. The standard waterfall model is associated with the failure or cancellation of a number of large systems. It can also be very expensive. — “The Standard Waterfall Model for Systems Development” Read more →
The Prepared Mind
Chance favors the prepared mind. — Louis Pasteur Today is the dumbest day of the rest of your life. If you’re doing a software project, you should know at least a little bit more about the project tomorrow than you do today, the next day a little bit more, and so on. Don’t get into detailed decisions and plans at the beginning of the project. Defer decisions to the last responsible moment; that’s when you’ll have the best information available. Upfront planning is not for the purpose of generating plans, which quickly go obsolete, but for the purpose of creating prepared minds with which to face the uncertain future. Read more →
How to be a Notre Dame Fan
Via Rumors and Rants: Read more →
USC 44, Notre Dame 24
The difference in team speed between USC and Notre Dame in last night’s 44-24 Trojan victory was mind-blowing. Running backs turned the corner with ease, wide receivers blew past safeties . . . The signature play was a 4th-quarter onside kick by the Irish, fielded by USC’s Brian Cushing — a defensive end — who ran it back 42 yards for a touchdown. No blockers . . . just ran right by everybody. When a defensive end on the opposing squad can outrun your entire kick coverage team, well, you better believe that you are way too slow. FIGHT ON! Read more →