I was at the corporate office of a well-known company here in Irvine yesterday when I saw the name “Tim Jones” on one of the offices. “Hmmm,” I thought, “I used to work with a Tim Jones [not his real name] about 20 years ago. I wonder if it’s the same guy?” The door was closed, but I was able to peep through the glass as I walked by and saw what looked to be Tim Jones’ grandfather. It’s amazing how Tim Jones has fallen apart over the last 20 years while I myself have not aged a single day . . . Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Waiting for the End of the World
While you’re waiting for the end of the world, have a look at this frightening interview, in which Jeff Stein, Congressional Quarterly‘s national security editor, talks to Silvestre Reyes (D-TX), incoming chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, about the major players in Islamic terrorism: Al Qaeda is what, I asked, Sunni or Shia? “Al Qaeda, they have both,” Reyes said. “You’re talking about predominately [sic]?” “Sure,” I said, not knowing what else to say. “Predominantly — probably Shiite,” he ventured. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Al Qaeda is profoundly Sunni. If a Shiite showed up at an al Qaeda club house, they’d slice off his head and use it for a soccer ball. That’s because the extremist Sunnis who make up al Qaeda consider all Shiites to be heretics. Al Qaeda’s Sunni roots account for its very existence. Osama bin Laden and his followers believe the Saudi Royal family… Read more →
You Can Have My Job
A co-worker — let’s call him Mr. Frick — in response to criticism from Mr. Frack, says, “You want my job, Frack? You can have it!” To which Frack responds, “OK. I’ve been doing it for a while now.” Read more →
Why Craigslist Doesn’t Have Text Ads
The privately held Craigslist has been approached about installing text ads on the site, and the potential revenue is “quite staggering,” [CEO Jim Buckmaster] said. But, Buckmaster deadpanned, “No users are suggesting we run text ads.” — Associated Press Craigslist is an exception to the rule that a lot of Internet companies talk about putting users first, but when it comes down to a tradeoff between what users want and a boatload of money, they go for the money. Read more →
Choosing the Right Breed
I saw this headline in the Orange County Register: Man fleeing burning Dana Point condo bitten by his dog My first thought was, “What kind of a dog turns on its owner in a crisis? It’s got to be a pit bull.” Sure enough . . . A pit bull spooked by the flames and smoke turned on his owner as the man tried to escape the flames with the dog in his arms. The man, who lived in the condo where the fire started, was badly bitten on both arms. The man left a trail of blood down the stairs. The dog was not hurt in the blaze. The dog wasn’t hurt, although an officer on the scene did offer to shoot the animal to keep the owner from being mangled any worse than he already was, an offer the owner declined. “Please don’t shoot my dog!” he pleaded.… Read more →
Snuggled
Originally uploaded by inajeep. Read more →
Grab a Shovel
Former President Jimmy Carter said Sunday he hopes to be buried in front of his home in Plains, the southwest Georgia town where he and his wife were born. — Associated Press Great idea! When can we get started on that? What? Oh, he means after he dies? Carter’s friend Hugo Chavez seems to be saying, “Let’s put the hole right here.” Read more →
Another Reason I Let My Wife Handle the Holiday Decorations
Aliso Viejo man dies after falling while hanging Christmas lights — Orange County Register This cautionary tale includes a helpful tip from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission: Falls from ladders or rooftops are comical in the movies, but in reality, they can be a very dangerous thing. Actually, falls from ladders and rooftops can be funny in real life too, but only when they happen to someone else. See also: Another Reason I Let My Wife Handle the Grocery Shopping Read more →
UCLA 13, USC 9
I am reminded of the lines from “The Hollow Men” by T.S. Eliot: Between the idea And the reality Between the motion And the act Falls the Shadow. FIGHT ON! Read more →
Criticisms of the Standard Waterfall Model
There have been a number of criticisms of the standard waterfall model, including Problems are not discovered until system testing. Requirements must be fixed before the system is designed — requirements evolution makes the development method unstable. Design and code work often turn up requirements inconsistencies, missing system components, and unexpected development needs. System performance cannot be tested until the system is almost coded; undercapacity may be difficult to correct. The standard waterfall model is associated with the failure or cancellation of a number of large systems. It can also be very expensive. — “The Standard Waterfall Model for Systems Development” Read more →
The Prepared Mind
Chance favors the prepared mind. — Louis Pasteur Today is the dumbest day of the rest of your life. If you’re doing a software project, you should know at least a little bit more about the project tomorrow than you do today, the next day a little bit more, and so on. Don’t get into detailed decisions and plans at the beginning of the project. Defer decisions to the last responsible moment; that’s when you’ll have the best information available. Upfront planning is not for the purpose of generating plans, which quickly go obsolete, but for the purpose of creating prepared minds with which to face the uncertain future. Read more →
How to be a Notre Dame Fan
Via Rumors and Rants: Read more →
USC 44, Notre Dame 24
The difference in team speed between USC and Notre Dame in last night’s 44-24 Trojan victory was mind-blowing. Running backs turned the corner with ease, wide receivers blew past safeties . . . The signature play was a 4th-quarter onside kick by the Irish, fielded by USC’s Brian Cushing — a defensive end — who ran it back 42 yards for a touchdown. No blockers . . . just ran right by everybody. When a defensive end on the opposing squad can outrun your entire kick coverage team, well, you better believe that you are way too slow. FIGHT ON! Read more →
Driving a Car at Night
E. L. Doctorow once said that “writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” You don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard. — Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life Read more →
Having a Dream
How I thought it worked was, if you were great, like Martin Luther King Jr., you had a dream. Since I wasn’t great, I figured I had no dream and the best I could do was follow someone else’s. Now I believe it works like this: It’s having the dream that makes you great. It’s the dream that produces the greatness. — Barbara Waugh Read more →
We Have Been Distracted
We have been distracted by colleges and the PMI. We’ve been told if you want successful projects, then do those things recommended by the ANSI standard for project management. What is that standard? It is the PMI Body of Knowledge®, ANSI/PMI 99-001-2000. (Did you notice the designation of the registered trademark? Trying to refrain from cynical comments let me say might there be commercial interests involved?) We’ve been told to do more of what we’ve been doing. To get more people certified by PMI, to do a more comprehensive job of creating project schedules, and to always keep our CPM schedules up-to-date. It seems to me doing more of the same only benefits the status quo: the providers of software, training, and consulting. Yet we all know of projects where they are doing everything PMI recommends, and the project is still late, over budget, missing key functions, or all three.… Read more →
Hu’s on First
“No, my man, I be askin’ you who set to offer Pakistan nuclear plants.” Read more →
Convergences
When 8th grade vocabulary words come out on the same day that Mr. T’s new show is on the TV, you may find your kid saying things like this: “I pity the fool who’s a debacle like you.” Read more →
American Pastoral by Philip Roth
But in Old Rimrock, New Jersey, in 1995, when the Ivan Ilyches come trooping back to lunch at the clubhouse after their morning round of golf and start to crow, “It doesn’t get any better than this,” they may be a lot closer to the truth than Leo Tolstoy ever was. The fact remains that getting people right is not what living is all about anyway. It’s getting them wrong that is living, getting them wrong and wrong and wrong and then, on careful reconsideration, getting them wrong again. That’s how we know we’re alive: we’re wrong. Maybe the best thing would be to forget being right or wrong about people and just go along for the ride. But if you can do that — well, lucky you. He had learned the worst lesson life can teach — that it makes no sense. And when that happens the… Read more →
Divorce Wizards
I was walking through a business park in Newport Beach today when I saw a company called Divorce Wizards . . . I am the Divorce Wizard! With a wave of my wand, I free you from the shackles of matrimony! I cleanse your mind of bitterness and recrimination, as though the whole sorry episode never happened! Uh, thanks . . . can you make me twenty years younger again too? Read more →