E. L. Doctorow once said that “writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” You don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard. — Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Having a Dream
How I thought it worked was, if you were great, like Martin Luther King Jr., you had a dream. Since I wasn’t great, I figured I had no dream and the best I could do was follow someone else’s. Now I believe it works like this: It’s having the dream that makes you great. It’s the dream that produces the greatness. — Barbara Waugh Read more →
We Have Been Distracted
We have been distracted by colleges and the PMI. We’ve been told if you want successful projects, then do those things recommended by the ANSI standard for project management. What is that standard? It is the PMI Body of Knowledge®, ANSI/PMI 99-001-2000. (Did you notice the designation of the registered trademark? Trying to refrain from cynical comments let me say might there be commercial interests involved?) We’ve been told to do more of what we’ve been doing. To get more people certified by PMI, to do a more comprehensive job of creating project schedules, and to always keep our CPM schedules up-to-date. It seems to me doing more of the same only benefits the status quo: the providers of software, training, and consulting. Yet we all know of projects where they are doing everything PMI recommends, and the project is still late, over budget, missing key functions, or all three.… Read more →
Hu’s on First
“No, my man, I be askin’ you who set to offer Pakistan nuclear plants.” Read more →
Convergences
When 8th grade vocabulary words come out on the same day that Mr. T’s new show is on the TV, you may find your kid saying things like this: “I pity the fool who’s a debacle like you.” Read more →
American Pastoral by Philip Roth
But in Old Rimrock, New Jersey, in 1995, when the Ivan Ilyches come trooping back to lunch at the clubhouse after their morning round of golf and start to crow, “It doesn’t get any better than this,” they may be a lot closer to the truth than Leo Tolstoy ever was. The fact remains that getting people right is not what living is all about anyway. It’s getting them wrong that is living, getting them wrong and wrong and wrong and then, on careful reconsideration, getting them wrong again. That’s how we know we’re alive: we’re wrong. Maybe the best thing would be to forget being right or wrong about people and just go along for the ride. But if you can do that — well, lucky you. He had learned the worst lesson life can teach — that it makes no sense. And when that happens the… Read more →
Divorce Wizards
I was walking through a business park in Newport Beach today when I saw a company called Divorce Wizards . . . I am the Divorce Wizard! With a wave of my wand, I free you from the shackles of matrimony! I cleanse your mind of bitterness and recrimination, as though the whole sorry episode never happened! Uh, thanks . . . can you make me twenty years younger again too? Read more →
Let the Rubes in on the Gag
If there’s any justice, David Letterman will one day be recognized as the father of our era. Like other great men, Letterman knew that Americans were dumb as rocks but still had their pride, so if you were going to feed them the intellectual equivalent of hogslop, you had better flatter their intelligence at the same time. . . . Let the rubes in on the gag. Call the pet tricks “stupid,” make the showbiz flash-and-rattle even stupider than it needed to be, and cheerfully represent yourself as the hollowest of hollow men, and the suckers would applaud not only your twaddle, but the label on the twaddle that said it was twaddle. — alicublog Read more →
Popsicles and Crucifixions
My creative-writing students say they’re postmodern, too. One wrote the relativist sentiment that popsicles and crucifixions were equal; I said it depended on which you were offered. — Oronte Churm Read more →
Improving the Joke
There was a recipe for Kitty Litter Cake circulating at work today. The joke, as you can see from the picture, is that it looks just like a box of used cat litter. Ho hum. A better joke would be to circulate the recipe, tell your co-workers that you’re going to make it for the next department potluck, then serve them a real box of cat litter. Bon appétit! Read more →
The Brotherhood of Teeth
My son’s having some teeth extracted tomorrow as part of his orthodontics regimen. “I’M NOT GOING!” he shouts. “MY TEETH ARE A FAMILY! THEY CAN’T BE SEPARATED! YOU CAN’T SEPARATE BROTHER TOOTH FROM BROTHER GUM!” Oh, what an impassioned speech it was — the way he made the teeth come to life! I’m going to almost cry tomorrow when they come out like fallen soldiers . . . Read more →
Brush with Greatness
I saw Lindsay Davenport yesterday at Borders in South Coast Plaza. She was sitting in the cafe area talking with another woman when I walked past. I had to double back to make sure it was really her. I expect famous people to be larger than life, and Lindsay Davenport is a big girl anyway, so I’m thinking that she should be gigantic, which she wasn’t. But I walked past a second time and it was definitely her . . . Read more →
Halp Us Jon Carry
You know, education, if you make the most of it, if you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq. — John Kerry And I think this reveals, is a glimpse into what the Democrats actually mean when they say we support our troops. They support them as victims, as children, as people too stupid to know better. But they don’t support them in the mission they’re fighting, thousands of miles away. — Mark Steyn Read more →
Asians and Idiots
My son’s junior high school is having a co-ed pickleball tournament at lunch. The results are posted on the school web site. The funny thing is that if a team name contains any sort of cultural reference, the P.E. teacher in charge of the tournament either can’t or won’t put the name on the web site without a deliberate misspelling. For example, 3 White Guys and a Hindu becomes 3 Wite Gus and a Hidu, because identifying someone as white, male or Hindu is unacceptable. Curiously enough, the team name 3 Blondes and a Brunette comes through unscathed. Why are people allowed to self-identify as blondes, but not as white guys or Hindus? It seems like the same thing to me. The weirdest one to me is 4 Asians and an Idiot, which comes out as 4 Ans and an Idiot. I ask my son, “Who’s the idiot?” “Some white… Read more →
Three Reasons for Software Project Failure
Jerry Weinberg‘s top three reasons for software projects going over budget or failing to meet their original requirements: The original budget, schedule and requirements were totally unrealistic, due to the inability of people to speak truth to power. The original budget, schedule and requirements were totally unrealistic, due to the inability of people to understand and acknowledge their own limitations (which we all have). Even in those rare cases that people pass those first two hurdles, they lose emotional control during the project when something goes wrong — and something ALWAYS goes wrong. In 50 years, I’ve never seen a project where something didn’t go wrong. When it does, the project’s success is determined by the leaders’ ability to manage themselves emotionally. Read more →
A Forceful Dose of Reality
. . . there is nothing like a tested, integrated system for bringing a forceful dose of reality into any project. Documents can hide all sorts of flaws. Untested code can hide plenty of flaws. But when people actually sit in front of a system and work with it, then flaws become truly apparent: both in terms of bugs and in terms of misunderstood requirements. — Martin Fowler, “The New Methodology” Read more →
What I’d Say to My Son in My Angriest Moment
I’ve tried to give you every opportunity that I could possibly give you but I can’t do this stuff for you. You’ve got to decide what your life is going to be about: someone who stands up for himself and does his best, or someone who lays on his ass and gives up. Let me know when you figure it out. Read more →
Hockey Families I Have Known
I know some “hockey families” where the kids — boys or girls — can play any sport they want . . . as long as it’s hockey. They have email addresses like smiths4hockey@hotmail.com (assuming their name is Smith), and from the parents’ point of view, it simplifies things a lot. You don’t have kids getting into one sport, losing interest, moving on to something else. From the kids’ point of view? Maybe not so good. And I actually think it helps kids athletically to do more than one sport . . . Read more →
What Has Steve Jobs Done With His Money?
Bill Gates and the Microsoft crowd have been very prominent in charitable circles, saving Africans from disease, etc. By contrast, a Google search for “Steve Jobs charity” or “Steve Jobs donation” turns up nothing except an article on how Apple bought him a $90 million Gulfstream bizjet. So… if Steve Jobs doesn’t give money to charity and doesn’t pay for his own jet, is he doing something interesting with his $billions? — Philip Greenspun Read more →
Pug Photos from Flickr
Originally uploaded by letskyce. Originally uploaded by laputa. Originally uploaded by laputa. Originally uploaded by laputa. Read more →