You’re my worst case scenario for my career in 12 yrs: a pious, unlikable blowhard who lives alone.
EppsNet at the Movies: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
There are two kinds of people in the world — those with loaded guns and those who dig.
Let others spend the weekend catching up on Oscar nominees. We (re-)watched Sergio Leone fill the screen with boots, eyes and fingers in this classic Western.
Although Netflix listed it as the 161-min version, the DVD they sent was actually the full-length (175-min) Italian version, so that makes 14 minutes of action I was seeing for the first time!
By the way, did you know that Eli Wallach is still alive at age 94?!
Best Picture
(well, it might be that people see so many movies
that when they finally see one not
so bad as the others, they think it’s
great. an Academy Award means that you don’t stink
quite as much as your cousin.)
There are 10 nominees now for Best Picture?! I had no idea.
The best movie of the year was Up. The other nine I didn’t see. If any of them were better than Up, then why didn’t I see them? Answer that one for me.
It’s a Big Day in America
Harry Reid: “Today is a big day in America. Only 36,000 people lost their jobs today, which is really good.”
Converting to Dog-Time
Because I’m pressed for time, I take the dog for a short walk this evening, just long enough to take care of the essentials.
My wife is concerned that five minutes isn’t enough exercise for the little guy, but isn’t a five-minute walk equivalent to a 35-minute walk for dogs?
Cooking Tips (Given the Unidirectional Nature of Time)
“How long would you microwave this for?” my son asks, holding a bowl of refried beans and chopped chicken.
“I’d start out with a minute,” I say.
“A minute?!”
“Yeah. Is that too much?”
“It’s too little.”
“Well, I’d rather start out by undercooking the food a little bit because I can always cook it some more, whereas once I’ve fried it into a flaming gob, I don’t have any recourse.”
“You’re weak,” he says.
“Okay, do it your way, Volcano Joe.”
Twitter: 2010-03-03
- RT @letwits: "Exotic animals, kept in captivity, trained to perform". CNN anchors talking about….CNN anchors? #
- RT @SarahKSilverman: Spotted a homeless man w/a coat ovr his shoulders & full-on James Brown hair. He's the hardest wrkn man in no-business. #
Tips for Test Takers
My son has a math test today. He was up till 3 a.m. studying for it.
In my experience, a positive mindset is essential to successful test-taking, so on the drive to school, I give him a piece of advice.
“Walk into the classroom,” I say, “look at the teacher and lay down a challenge, like ‘Let’s do it.'”
“It’s not her test,” the boy says.
“What does that mean?”
“It means every class takes the same test — Schneider, D’Antonio . . .”
“THAT DOESN’T MATTER,” I say. “The important thing is to lay down the challenge. ‘Stop bitin’ on my styles.’ Granted, that one doesn’t make any sense, but it gives you the positive mental framework that you need for mathematical success.”
It’s Not About You
It has to be about your readers, who will, it’s hoped, become your customers. It has to be about making them awesome.
So, for example, if you’re selling a clever attachment to a camera that diffuses harsh flash light, don’t talk about the technical features or about your holiday sale (10 percent off!). Make a list of 10 tips for being a better photographer.
If you’re opening a restaurant, don’t blog about your menu. Blog about great food. You’ll attract foodies who don’t care about your restaurant yet.
If you make superior, single-source chocolate, don’t write about that great trip you took to the Dominican Republic to source cocoa beans. That’s all about you. Instead, write the definitive article about making chocolate-covered strawberries. For the next 10 years, whenever a gourmand or a baker searches Google for a recipe on how to make chocolate-covered strawberries, he or she will find your post. Helping your users make awesome chocolate-based confections is likely to attract readers who might buy fancy chocolate . . .
If It’s Them or Me, It’s Me
Authorities say a motorist has driven off a cliff, plunging about 200 feet down a steep canyon near Calabasas, after swerving to avoid an animal on the road.
Ouch — was he a PETA member?
I like animals. I ran over a squirrel once and I felt terrible about it but the little critter just dashed right out in front of my car.
However — in the event of having to make a split-second decision between clobbering an animal and driving off a cliff, well, the animal is going to get it.
On a side note, kudos to the headline writer for the alliteration: “Careens Off Calabasas Cliff.” Who says a liberal arts education isn’t good for anything?
Signs That Things Aren’t Going Well
- You watch Saw 1-8 for 36 hours straight.
- You think you are in the Saw movies.
- You buy a saw.
Only Variety Can Absorb Variety
The well-known law of cybernetics — “Only variety can absorb variety” — states that a system cannot meet increasing variety in its environment unless it increases the range of its response repertoire (Ashby’s law of requisite variety, 1956). In lay terms it means one has to be just as messy as the surrounding situation.
Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?
Experts say the belief that sexual activities can lead to a second heart attack consists of a little bit of truth, but research suggests that it is largely exaggerated. People can have sex after their heart attacks. In fact, the more you exercise — including having sex — the better your odds.
As a safety precaution, “You sort of have to test yourself on the sidewalk before you test yourself in the bedroom,” says Dr. Gerald W. Neuberg, cardiologist and director of the intensive care unit at New York-Presbyterian Hospital.
Visualize the Properties
Imagine and identify the few properties of your product or service that will gratify the customer’s need. Visualize the properties, desire them yourself, and everywhere ensure and intensify their presence.
The Goal on a Project
The goal on a project is not to have the correct plan in advance but to make the right decisions every day as things that were unknown become known.
I Can Count up to Two
I’ve heard that dogs can count up to 4 or 5. I’ve never tried to go that high but I know I can count up to 2 because every morning my owner gives me 2 vitamin tablets and when he gives me the first one I wait for the second one and when he gives me the second one I run off and do something else.
Oh this is unexpected! He just dropped a vitamin tablet on the floor so I ate it!
Now he’s giving me the first vitamin tablet . . .
(Waiting . . . waiting . . .)
I’m getting a bad feeling about this. DON’T TELL ME THE DROPPED ONE COUNTS AGAINST MY DAILY ALLOTMENT!
— Lightning 
Cat Kung Fu
In and Out of the Dark
of one hundred movies there’s one that’s fair, one that’s good
and ninety-eight that are very bad. . . .. . . millions of dollars spent to create
something more terrible than the actual lives of
most living things; one should never have to pay an
admission to hell.
We Had Some Trouble Here Last Night
He is a bad dog . . . a pit bull mix. Last night he attacked Kumba the Shih Tzu, who is my neighbor across the street, and Kumba’s owner.
My owner heard screaming and ran outside. The pit bull owner was holding his dog back and Kumba’s owner was down on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming. She was very scared. She held her hand up to my owner like a drowning person.
Kumba was hiding in some bushes behind a tree so my owner went in and carried him out. Then the police came and the firemen came.
Kumba had a bite on his back and one of his back legs was hurt but he’s going to be okay and his owner is going to be okay.
I told Kumba he was very brave, even though he wasn’t. But it made him feel better and there was no harm in it.
Shih Tzus aren’t fighting dogs like pit bulls and pugs . . .
— Lightning
A Life of Ease
