In We Were Soldiers, commanding officer Mel Gibson is the first man off the helicopter and the last man back on. He leaves no one behind, dead or alive. Contrast that with my manager, who has far less enthusiasm for his work than for his car, his dog, leering at women, painfully coarse humor, or getting drunk on a golf course somewhere. Not the kind of inspirational leadership you make movies about, unless it’s kind of an ultra-dark comedy in which the leading character is eventually humiliated and/or killed, to thunderous applause . . . Thus spoke The Programmer. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Management
Hiring the Best
The following email went out at the office: Please stop by and say hello to our newest Project Manager Skip Intro [names changed to protect the guilty]. He is a great person, lives in [a nearby city], tons of experience, and has two black labradors. What more could you ask? Leicester Dedlock Director of Project Management What more could I ask?! We’re hiring project managers and can’t think of anything more to ask them than what kind of pets they have? This explains a lot . . . Thus spoke The Programmer. Related Links Hiring the Best Explained Guest columnist: Céline Read more →
Take a Hike!
According to the email, our (former) COO “is no longer with the company in any capacity.” There’s a phenomenon at our company, of which he was a perfect example: People get excited and animated about a variety of things — their cars, their pets, a TV show, binge drinking, etc. — but never, never about their jobs. In his case, the favorite topic was hiking. Since we’re in the winter months now, you could frequently hear him among the cubicles elucidating the finer points of crampons: “The thing about crampons is you have to be careful where you put your feet. It’s not like walking around the living room in a pair of loafers.” I did not know that! Of course, if I were interested in crampons, which I’m not, I could research them on my own time. I would have much rather overheard him saying something like “I read… Read more →
A Bad Review
Resemblance to persons living or dead is statistically probable. Name: Snopes, Flem Title: Software Development Manager Developing Others Flem was not effective in giving team members an opportunity to be successful or to do high-quality work. The project development process was limiting and frustrating. Rating: Did Not Meet Expectations Integrity Good work ethic. Big problem here is that Flem didn’t seem to see how poor project outcomes were a direct result of anything he did or didn’t do. He seemed to feel that he was a victim primarily of bad technology, as well as bad clients, bad luck, bad karma, etc. And while there were some unavoidable setbacks on the project, as there are on any project, Flem didn’t seem to see the human decision points in the process where he could have made a difference. Rating: Met Some Expectations Change Management Flem was slow to react to changing circumstances.… Read more →
Profiles in Management: The Intrepid Imbecile
We have some vending machines at our office, in a small alcove off the development area — the kind that have the snacks lined up between spiral rods, so when you buy something, the appropriate rod rotates and the snack drops down for you. This is obviously a horrible design for a couple of reasons: I don’t want my M&Ms dropped from a height because it breaks them; and Sometimes the packaging of the snack gets hung up on the rod and the snack doesn’t drop. When that happens, the victim usually rocks the machine back and forth trying to dislodge the snack. This often works, but not on the first couple of tries. It also makes an incredible racket. I’ve heard that vending machines are extremely top-heavy and tip over easily, but so far — despite my fervent hope that someone will be mashed flat as a lesson to… Read more →
Profiles in Management: The Protector
Cast of Characters Manager, the leader of a software project that is floundering because his needlessly complex design cannot actually be implemented. Programmer, a programmer on the project. Manager: Keep working hard, and I will protect you should things break down. Programmer: Protect me from what? That sounds kind of ominous. Manager: Some people may be worried that if the project fails, they may get a bad review, or not get a bonus. But I’m looking at whether or not people are working hard, even if the project isn’t going well. So as long as you’re not goofing off, and you don’t have a bad attitude, you should be all right. A “bad attitude” in these cases is defined as pointing out that 20 people have been working on the project for two months without producing a single working line of code, because they’ve been asked to yoke… Read more →
Action is Eloquence
Action is eloquence. — Shakespeare, Coriolanus Vicious, despicable, or thoroughly disliked persons, gentlemen, and ladies can be project managers. Lost souls, procrastinators, and wishy-washies cannot. — Jerry Madden, “One Hundred Rules for NASA Project Managers” You can have a lot of bad qualities and still be an effective project manager, but you can’t be indecisive. Work out your personal insecurities on your own time. Make a decision. Move on to the next problem. Thus spoke The Programmer. Read more →