EppsNet Archive: Marriage

Thomas Jefferson on Same-Sex Wedding Websites

 

My fellow Americans – The Supreme Court has been asked to decide whether the Colorado Anti-Discrimination Act requires a website designer named Lorie Smith to create wedding websites celebrating same-sex couples in violation of her religious beliefs. The state law requires equal access to places of public accommodation regardless of disability, race, sex, sexual orientation, or religion. “Places of public accommodation” include any business engaged in offering sales, services, or facilities to the public. It’s an un-American law, anti-freedom. If you’re gay, you’re gay. If you want to get married, get married. That doesn’t mean everyone has to accept you and love you and make websites for you. Also note that the law places an unequal burden on the parties involved. The couple can hire any website designer they want for any reason. They’re under no legal obligation to show that they didn’t reject a designer based on the designer’s… Read more →

Tom Brady, Gisele Bündchen File for Divorce

 

I may be ignorant about crucially important details obviously but it seems like the main problem from Ms. Bündchen’s point of view was that her husband had a job. First, I’m super against divorces for people with minor children. Second, there are just few if any people who are as physically attractive as Tom Brady, have the charisma of Tom Brady, have as much money as Tom Brady, and are as good at their job as Tom Brady. So if she’s thinking she’s going to upgrade her spouse, she’s almost certainly deluded or getting bad advice. On the other side, I can’t help thinking that Tom Brady would be able to choose from any number of fabulously attractive women to enliven his social life. Read more →

See You in Hell, Ime Udoka

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings mortals — I remember a few months ago many of you talking about Ime Udoka coaching in the NBA finals AND getting to go home to someone named Nia Long, whom many of you seem to find attractive. I’ll share a little secret with you: No matter how hot you think someone is, there’s someone somewhere who’s bored with her. And she’s bored with him too but at least she didn’t humiliate him in front of the entire world. See you in Hell . . . Read more →

Christmas Cake

 

From urbandictionary.com: A woman 26 years+ who is considered to be past her prime, undesirable, used goods and/or no good. The term originates from Japan where it is tradition to eat cake on Christmas. So a cake intended for Christmas that was not eaten or is left over is considered bad and should be thrown out. Japanese businessmen coined the term, once again emphasizing the Japanese desire for a young and virginal wife. Japanese women over the age of 26 most often have to rely on either a hastily semi-arranged marriage to a friend of the family or, more frequently, marry a foreigner as they are rarely aware of the stigma or don’t care. “If we wait until after grad school, I’ll be Christmas Cake.” “She just turned 26. She’s Christmas Cake now.” “She married her husband at 30, so you know he wasn’t bothered that she was Christmas Cake.” Read more →

The Jerry Hall Problem

 

Sylvester Stallone’s Wife Jennifer Flavin Files for Divorce After 25 Years of Marriage – people.com Women have got it made, my friends. No matter what you hear about sexism, glass ceilings, misogynist Republicans, etc., men can’t do what Jennifer Flavin (and others) can do, i.e., marry a rich, older spouse, get divorced, take a windfall profit, and still have a lot of good years ahead of you. Flavin is 54. Her soon-to-be ex-husband is 76. I read the other day that Jerry Hall filed for divorce from Rupert Murdoch. I didn’t even know she was married to Rupert Murdoch. I know she was Mick Jagger’s partner for long enough to have four kids with him. The child support from someone of Mick Jagger’s wealth, while I don’t know exactly what it is, has got to provide a very handsome income stream. Jerry Hall is 66 years old. She looks good… Read more →

Complainers

 

View this post on Instagram A post shared by The New Yorker Cartoons (@newyorkercartoons) Read more →

If You Gotta Go, Go Now

 

One of my students says she was so frustrated with an assignment she was ready to throw her computer out the window. “What floor do you live on,” I ask. “Second.” “Oh, well that probably wouldn’t kill anyone, just a bump on the noggin. But you can’t say for sure if it hit them just right. Be sure you’re wearing a mask though when you do that.” She lives in New York. My son also lives in New York so I had to call to warn him to be on the lookout for falling computers. “Because I know someone who may be throwing one out a window. But only from the second floor so you’ll probably be able to see it coming and step out of the way.” If I lived in New York and it came down to being killed by COVID or by a falling computer, I’d take… Read more →

See You in Hell, Young Lovers

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings mortals! Gabby Petito is in Heaven now. As for Brian Laundrie, he and I will soon have a chance to get better acquainted. (By “soon” I don’t mean, like, next week, but when you’re operating on an eternal scale, as I am, even several decades seems soon.) I encourage people considering marriage to spend some time together first, maybe live together, maybe take a cross-country road trip . . . if you can’t stand to be around each other for an extended period of time, better to find out before the nuptials. See you in Hell! Read more →

That Is the Way to Get Attention

 

Divorces and separation — that is the way to get attention. Everyone examines his own state and some say: Strange, they were much happier than we are. There are streets in the East 90’s where youngish couples on the wave of success buy town houses and do them over at great expense, uncovering old wood, taking off the stoop so that drunks cannot loiter, making a whole floor for the children to be quiet on. The strain and the cost and the house, a mausoleum with both names on it waiting for the dates to be filled in, drives the couple to separation. The streets are called Death Row. — Elizabeth Hardwick, Sleepless Nights Read more →

She’s a lone forsaken beauty but she don’t trust anyone
I wish I was beside her but I’m not there, I’m gone

— Bob Dylan, “I’m Not There”

Keys to Marital Longevity

 

  Both partners should drink heavily and/or watch a lot of television. Get a dog. Read more →

Why is Sexual Harassment the Only Workplace Malfunction That Merits National Attention?

 

Many workers in Silicon Valley have said tech companies aren’t doing enough to promote women and minorities, or to stamp out misogyny and harassment. — wsj.com “Not doing enough” . . . I remember last year a female engineer at Uber wrote in a blog post that she was being harassed and mistreated and Uber actually hired the former attorney general of the United States to launch an investigation. One woman! The assertion that Uber in particular and Silicon Valley in general are cesspools of misogyny is based on confirmation bias and small sample sizes. Uber has more than 16,000 employees in 600 cities and 65 countries. If you’re inclined to believe that women are more virtuous and vulnerable than men, then the reported experience of one person out of 16,000 may be enough to confirm you in your view of the world. A man (or woman) hears what he… Read more →

How the Bezos Divorce Rewrites the World’s Richest People List

 

Current Jeff Bezos, $140 billion Bill Gates, $90 billion Warren Buffett, $84 billion Bernard Arnault, $72 billion Mark Zuckerberg, $71 billion Future Bill Gates, $90 billion Warren Buffett, $84 billion Bernard Arnault, $72 billion Mark Zuckerberg, $71 billion Jeff Bezos, $70 billion MacKenzie Bezos, $70 billion Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on John McCain

 

My fellow Americans – Like President Trump, I was not invited to any of the John McCain memorial services, so I offer my final thoughts here. McCain’s service to his country while being held as a POW in Vietnam was admirable beyond measure. Because his father was commander of all U.S. forces in the Vietnam theater, the Vietnamese offered to release McCain, not as a gesture of mercy, but as a propaganda coup, and to show other POWs that members of the elite were willing to be treated preferentially. McCain stated that he would only accept the offer if every man captured before him was released as well. This enraged the Vietnamese, and McCain’s subsequent five years as a POW went very badly for him, as he doubtlessly knew they would. Liberals have been very kind to McCain this week because 1) he’s dead, and 2) he was an enemy… Read more →

Life Gets Better After 50?

 

About 15 years ago, economists made an unexpected finding: the U-shaped happiness curve. Other things being equal – that is, once conditions such as income, employment, health and marriage are factored out of the equation – life satisfaction declines from our early 20s until we hit our 50s. Then it turns around and rises, right through late adulthood. — The Guardian So once you factor out all the things that make life miserable, it turns out older people can be just as happy as anyone else! Read more →

Tom Apple Adventures

 

http://onegianthand.com/post/176842041416/tom-apple-adventures Read more →

The Royal Wedding

 

One good thing about being British royalty is if your wife turns out to be a disappointment in some respect, you can have her executed. Can I get an Amen on that? Read more →

The Woman in the Photo

 

Is that his wife in the photo? Because I’m about to divorce my wife after looking closely at this photo . . . Read more →

This is Where Your PDF Resume Will Take You

 

Received the following advice today: When applying for jobs, never send your resume in .docx format. Fonts don’t always get embedded and hiring managers cannot always open these files. Use PDF. Do we really want to work for managers who can’t open a Word doc? Imagine the world-class mentoring and career development you’re going to get from such a person. I mean, my wife can open Word docs no problem and she can’t even figure out how to turn on the TV. Thus spoke The Programmer. Read more →

How I Married My Mother

 

Oklahoma mom who once married her son will now go to jail for marrying her daughter — Fort Worth Star-Telegram Mom is being jailed for felony incest. I think we can all agree that marrying the son was a wrong thing to do, but I thought incest requires sexual intercourse. The two women are adults, there’s no child abuse, there are no reproductive issues to consider, so if you happen to hit it off with your mom in that way, why not? Look, they even have matching outfits! Read more →

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