EppsNet Archive: Dogs

We Need to Get a Cat

28 Jul 2016 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

I told my owner that we need to get a cat.

— Lightning paw


If a Cat Identifies as a Dog . . .

11 Jul 2016 /

If a cat identifies as a dog, can the cat be denied full access to public dog park facilities? Can the cat be denied admission to K-9 police dog training?

END THE DISCRIMINATION!


Pup Cups Don’t Need To Be Colorful

5 Jul 2016 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

Starbucks gave me a pup cup today in a mini-Frappucino cup. My owner says it’s very colorful, but I can’t see anymore and dogs don’t see colors the same as humans anyway. I like the plain white cups better because they’re wider and it’s easier to get all the whipped cream out.

— Lightning paw

A photo posted by Paul Epps (@paulepps) on


My Dog Is a Genius

27 Jun 2016 /

This needs a little setup . . .

I used to take Lightning on weekend mornings to the Irvine Dog Park, then afterward to the Starbucks drive-thru, where I’d get a beverage and he’d get a pup cup (a cup of whipped cream).

He loves Starbucks. He used to get super animated from the time he saw we were turning left on Irvine Center Drive (toward Starbucks) to the time he actually got the pup cup at the drive-thru window.

He also knows the words “Starbucks” and “pup cup”:

He’s too old to enjoy the dog park now — he doesn’t walk well and he can’t see — so I walk to Starbucks myself on the weekends and bring the pup cups home for him.

Today I took him to the Starbucks drive-thru, just like old times, and he got super excited again when we got there, just like old times.

As I said, he can’t see, so he had no visual cues about where we were. I didn’t say the words “Starbucks” or “pup cup” to him, and he was excited long before he heard me place the order.

So how did he know?

My second-best guess is that the navigation to Starbucks is imprinted in his doggie memory. My best guess is that because the Starbucks drive-thru has a lot of foliage, it has a unique smell that he remembers.

Anyway, some non-visual cue or cues, but he was quite certain about where he was.


Dogs Are Descended From Wolves

1 May 2016 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

Did you know that dogs are descended from wolves? Wolves aren’t as big or strong as lions or tigers or bears but on the other hand you never see a wolf in the circus, do you?

— Lightning paw

still-life-with-pug


Chillin’ With the Chancellor

16 Apr 2016 /
Me and Chancellor Dirks

I was walking west on Durant crossing Telegraph a block south of the UC Berkeley campus (see map below) when I saw a couple of good-looking yellow labs, probably less than a year old, crossing in the other direction.

I was so focused on the dogs that I didn’t notice until I had passed them that they were being walked by none other than the chancellor of the university, Nicholas B. Dirks, and his wife.

Gee, I wish I had gotten a photo with him but rather than run back across the street after him like a nut, I walked north to Bancroft and turned right to parallel the way he was walking on Durant. At the next street, Bowditch, I turned right again toward Durant to see if I could intercept him, which I did.

I’m staying at the Berkeley Lab Guest House, a university facility . . . when I got back to the place, I showed my Dirks photo to the guy at the front desk.

“Recognize this guy?” I asked. “Not me, the other guy.”

“No.”

“It’s Chancellor Dirks.”

“I’ll have to Google him.”

He reminded me of the guys asking Jack Nicklaus for his security badge at the Masters.


Watching Kobe’s Last Game

13 Apr 2016 /

Lightning


Happy National Pet Day

11 Apr 2016 /

I took some selfies for Pet Day:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

— Lightning paw


Ruff Sex

27 Mar 2016 /

I assumed every woman with a dog (not just a wiener dog) is doing this, minus the videos of course . . .

Police charge that the South Carolina suspect got intimate with a Dachshund on her 23rd birthday…

Posted by The Smoking Gun on Friday, March 25, 2016


I’ve Never Even Been to Chicago

16 Mar 2016 /

http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/273263-lightening-strikes-trump-tower-in-chicago-tuesday-night

This is not true, I’ve never even been to Chicago.

— Lightning paw

still-life-with-pug


Affinities Can Kill You

5 Jan 2016 /

Boy, 9, mauled to death by dogs in Yuba CountyThe Sacramento Bee

Lightning at the Dog Park

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

This article says that a 9-year-old (in human years) boy was killed by 3 pit bulls that belonged to his older sister. It says that his sister has an affinity for pit bulls because she thinks that pit bulls are not dangerous even though a lot of people say they are dangerous and that is not fair to pit bulls.

I don’t what an affinity is but it must be something that can kill you or your little brother.

Wait — my owner says “affinity” means something you like, like he has an affinity for pugs and because he has an affinity for pugs, all of his family members are still alive.

If you own a pit bull, you also need to have a pug to keep the pit bull in check.

— Lightning paw


Merry Christmas, Starbucks

20 Dec 2015 /
Starbucks cup

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

I heard that some people don’t like the Starbucks Christmas cups this year. People are silly. My favorite Starbucks Christmas cup was the one with a dog on a sled but the contents of the cup, that’s the main thing.

I don’t even mind that most of the time my pup cups have someone else’s name on them.

Merry Christmas, Starbucks!

— Lightning paw


My Name is Fido

3 Oct 2015 /

From an actual email:

Hello,

My name is Fido and I’m an IT recruiter at TechDigital Corporation. We are currently hiring a .Net Developer/Software Engineer preferrably [sic] with experience in the Financial domain for a W2 or C2C Contract for one of our direct clients in Green Bay, WI.

Fido Xavier
Recruiter

  1. I live in California. Are there no software engineers in Wisconsin or anywhere between California and Wisconsin?
  2. On the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog.

Thus spoke The Programmer.


A Pug is Playing the Drums

22 Sep 2015 /

Overheard (Samuel T. Coleridge Edition)

22 Sep 2015 /

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

HIM: Sir Leoline, the Baron rich– Hath a toothless mastiff bitch–
HER: Which.
HIM: I beg your pardon.
HER: Which, not bitch.
HIM: We’ll look it up.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: People Married to Their Best Friend

20 Sep 2015 /
Rhett and Scarlett

It’s not very romantic, first of all. Did Romeo and Juliet marry their best friend? Did Liz and Dick marry their best friend? Did Scott and Zelda marry their best friend? Did Rhett and Scarlett marry their best friend?

A married person has to fill so many roles already: husband/wife, parent, sex partner, wage earner, handyman, cook, mental health professional, grammar coach, etc., etc., etc. A little help on the best friend front would be a welcome breath of fresh air.

I don’t know who my wife’s best friend is and I don’t care, as long as it’s not me. Men: if you need a best friend, buy a dog.


Dogs in San Francisco

7 Sep 2015 /
Dachshund and Golden Gate Bridge

If you’re a dog or a recently released felon, you are welcome in San Francisco. Not only are there lots of people walking in SF, there are lots of people walking with dogs. French Bulldogs, Huskies and Pomeranians seems to be especially popular.

Until he got too old to really enjoy it, I took Lightning to the Irvine dog park six days a week (it’s closed on Wednesdays) for years. I’ve spent a lot of time around dogs, so I’m better than most people at identifying dog breeds.

We were walking in San Francisco last weekend when my wife pointed and asked “What kind of dog is that?” Before I could say “It’s a Labradoodle,” our boy said “Labradoodle.”

I must have been visibly stunned because he then asked me “Were you going to say ‘Goldendoodle’?”

“No . . . you’re pretty good at identifying dogs now.” This is a totally new talent. When he left Irvine, I’m not sure he could tell a dog from a squirrel . . .


I Can’t See Anymore But I Am Still Handsome

6 Aug 2015 /

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

I’m almost 84 years old now in dog years. I can’t see anymore and my joints are not too good but aging doesn’t dampen the spirits of pugs like it does with people.

I can remember where things are in the house (unless someone moves them) so I can still walk around without bumping into a lot of things. The good thing is that I can sometimes smack into a door or a wall or a piece of furniture without affecting my handsome appearance because my face is flat already.

— Lightning paw

still-life-with-pug

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Still Life with Pug

29 Jun 2015 /

still-life-with-pug

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I Don’t Know How Starbucks Stays in Business

21 Jun 2015 /
/

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!

On weekend mornings my owner goes to Starbucks and brings back a pup cup of whipped cream for me!

Today I noticed on my cup that if I don’t love my pup cup they’ll make me another one for free!

“The pup cups are always free,” my owner says. “You don’t have to tell them you didn’t love it to get a free one.”

I don’t know how Starbucks stays in business if they’re giving away the most delicious stuff for free.

— Lightning paw


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