EppsNet Archive: Dogs

What Kind of Dogs Were They?

 

The dogs were pit bulls. I haven't been so shocked since Claude Rains discovered gambling at Rick's Café. https://t.co/eBN7UuKLPy — Paul Epps (@paulepps) October 8, 2022 Read more →

Instagram in Heaven

 

Hi everybody! It’s Lightning! I’m in heaven now but I can still see Instagram reels. Animals are programmed for survival so we eat as much as we can because we don’t know when we’re going to get to eat again. But this dog gives away the big piece of food and only takes the small piece! I would have chowed down the whole stick before the guy even had a chance to cut it. — Lightning View this post on Instagram A post shared by ?The Pet star World? (@thepetstar_world) Read more →

The Happy Pug Tail Wag

 

View this post on Instagram A post shared by Animals Doing Things (@animalsdoingthings) Read more →

Transitioning to Dogs

 

Japanese man spends $15,700 on dog costume to fulfill lifelong dream of transforming into an animal— news.yahoo.com Just wanted to point out that I was ahead of the curve on this one: Why Can’t Children Transition to Dogs? Read more →

Why Can’t Children Transition to Dogs?

 

This actually brings up a good question. Why do children only identify as humans of the opposite sex, instead of dinosaurs or golden retrievers? What sort of medical intervention would be appropriate in such cases?https://t.co/mEaZvhQjEI — Paul Epps (@paulepps) May 24, 2022 I’ve seen children stomping around, roaring like dinosaurs. Maybe they are dinosaurs in a human body. And children running around and rolling around and playing with dogs. See it all the time. Maybe they are dogs in a human body. Maybe I myself am a dog in a human body. I envy the life of a dog. I love dogs as much as I love people, maybe more. Why can’t humans transition to dogs? Transitioning to nothing but the opposite sex really lacks imagination . . . nothing but a little cosmetic surgery and a wardrobe change. Read more →

Hawaiian Shirts a Symbol of White Supremacy?

 

WOOF WOOF WOOF pic.twitter.com/h9f43D0dow — Woke Watchdog (@WokeWoofDog) January 9, 2021 My closet: P.S. I didn’t actually read the Hawaiian shirts article referenced above based on my policy of not reading articles where the headline sounds like absolute bullshit. Read more →

Keys to Marital Longevity

 

  Both partners should drink heavily and/or watch a lot of television. Get a dog. Read more →

Vaping-Related Deaths Are BS. You Heard it Here First.

 

Trump administration readies ban on flavored e-cigarettes amid outbreak of vaping-related deaths CNBC Condolences to the victims but do six deaths in a country of 320 million people really represent an “outbreak”? Also, “vaping-related deaths” is bullshit as the article itself says in the first paragraph: The Trump administration is preparing to ban flavored e-cigarettes as federal health officials call for restrictions to combat an outbreak of a mysterious lung disease . . . “Mysterious lung disease.” In the headline, vaping is flat-out killing people; in the article it’s a mystery disease. I’ve read specifically about three of the deaths. One was here in Southern California, in Los Angeles County. The deceased was described as an older adult male, at least 55 years old, with chronic health conditions. A woman who died in Kansas was older than 50 and had a history of health problems.  In Minnesota, the state’s “first… Read more →

See You in Hell, Charlize Theron

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Warmest greetings from Hell! I was leading a hot yoga class when Access Hollywood came on one of the TVs . . . they were raving about Charlize Theron as Mother of the Year if not Mother of All Time because her 3-year-old son announced “I’m not a boy” and this dingbat decided to roll with it and raise him as her “daughter.” Even a crackpot celebrity trying to make noise and draw attention to herself must realize that a 3-year-old has no conception of what “I’m not a boy” means. Right? Maybe he means he’s a space alien. Maybe next week he’ll decide he’s a golden retriever — then what? Put him on a leash and go for a walk? See you in Hell . . . Read more →

Citizen Canine

 

I drove past this place in Oakland. Paws down the best name ever for a doggie day care . . . Read more →

They Submitted Fake Papers to Peer-Reviewed Journals — Here’s What Happened Next

 

Three writers produced 20 intentionally outlandish academic papers and submitted them to the best peer-reviewed journals associated with fields of scholarship loosely known as “cultural studies” or “identity studies” (for example, gender studies) or “critical theory.” Seven of the papers were accepted for publication and seven more were still under review when the authors elected to end the experiment. Their point would seem to be that scholarship in these fields is based less upon finding truth and more upon attending to social grievances. Just about anything can be published, so long as it falls within the moral orthodoxy and demonstrates an understanding of the existing literature. The authors summarize their methodology as follows. (I’ve inserted the material in brackets from elsewhere in the article, which you should look at in its entirety because there’s too much good stuff to summarize.) What if we write a paper saying we should train… Read more →

See You in Hell: Sarah Jeong Edition

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings from the underworld! Someone named Sarah Jeong was hired by a newspaper to work on their editorial board. It turns out Sarah has some pretty woke tweets. Here’s a sample: Dumbass fucking white people marking up the internet with their opinions like dogs pissing on fire hydrants. Ha ha, that’s pretty good. Who hired her to write editorials? The Sweet Briar College student paper? No, it’s the New York Times! Earlier this year, the Times hired someone named Quinn Norton, then fired her on the same day because of what it called racial and anti-gay slurs. I don’t know exactly what Quinn Norton said but I’ll bet it wasn’t as provocative as dumbass fucking white people pissing on the internet like dogs! Look, I hate white men and white people in general as much as… Read more →

Likes and Dislikes

 

Likes Dogs, books, spicy food Dislikes: Systems of thought that reduce the richness of human lives to impersonal laws, systems and numbers. Oxford commas. Read more →

Good News, Bad News

 

Bad News: Americans are retiring later, dying sooner and are sicker in-between. Good News: I found this video of a rescued raccoon who thinks she’s a dog: Read more →

Your Dog Really Loves You

 

Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I’m in heaven now but I want to make sure you guys read this article about how your cat is just nice to you to get food but your dog really loves you. I have my favorite blanket in heaven and my stuffed bear is here with me too! — Lightning P.S. I made up the part about cats, sorry. Read more →

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